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Plowed Jokes

I yelled "Cow!"

I yelled "Cow!" at a woman on a bike. She gave me the finger. Then she plowed her bike straight into the cow.

Why does the government worry about keeping the roads plowed?

Because they can’t have another Edward Snowed In incident.

A woman was walking along the street when she got plowed into by a vehicle and killed...

The police had a tough time identifying her, but they were able to get a picture from the DMV.

They walked up to her house and rang the doorbell.

"Sir, do you know this woman?"

"Yes it's my wife"

(Deep sigh) "Sir, I'm not really sure how to break this to you... but it loo...

The phone rings at the local police station. “Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Craig. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, policemen descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave.

The phone rings at ...

Winter Storm Advisory,

Due to tomorrow’s snow storm, please remember that side streets always get plowed last. However, your mom will continue to get plowed first. That will never change.

Letter from prison

A father sends a letter to his son in prison: "I will not be able to plant potatoes this year. The fields have not been plowed yet, because you are not here to help out."

The son wrote back: "It's just as well, because the money I stole was buried in the fields."

The next day, the poli...

There was an accident at the toll booth

The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, and plowed into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces.

Some time after the driver had reported the damage, he watched as a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. They picked up each broken piece of the wreckage and...

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

Paved? That's quite nice. But is it plowed in the winter?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You have Sinned

EDIT: I have never written this joke out. Most of this joke is about the delivery. This is a successful joke when you are forced into telling one. Use the names of those goading you into telling one!




Johnny, Mike, and Pete were driving late at night when a cat cut in front of the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A well-renown, high-powered lawyer was just in a horrific car accident.

He was side-swiped, ripping the driver's side door completely off.

A police officer, who happened to be there, ran straight to the man. He found the him sitting on the ground against the wreck angrily swearing and yelling.

Officer: (Relieved the man is well enough to be yelling): "You...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a dick and a Ferrari?

I’d only have to get plowed by a Ferrari once to pay off my student loans.

This girl told me her boyfriend treated her like dirt.

Does that mean he plowed you and planted his seed in you?

Last time I was in jail I felt like a crop field in 1860

Cause I was being plowed by black guys all day long

Why did frosty the snowman quit drinking?

Every time he went out he got plowed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man staggers home drunk at 2am to an irate wife.

Man arrives home drunk. He's plowed, staggering, reeking of booze and his shirt is covered in vomit.

"I can't believe you let yourself get like this! Look at your shirt, you've puked all over yourself!"

"No... honey, honeshtly... it washn't me, it was thish other guy who puked on me....

Why did the snowman leave his wife?

Because she got plowed by another man.

Why was the young snowflake so upset?

Because he just watched his mom get plowed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy from Boston was driving down a New Hampshire country road.

He saw a farmer out in his field, doing something near a horse drawn wagon. His interest piqued, he pulled over and got out to watch. After a while, it became clear the farmer was picking something up out of the plowed field and tossing it into the back of the wagon. As the farmer got closer, the gu...

Planting potatoes in Chicago

So there's this old Pakistani man who lives alone in Chicago. One day he sends an e-mail to his son Ahmad :

"Dear son, I would love to plant some potatoes in the backyard but I'm old and lonely, I can't plow the land without your help. With love, your father."

Later that night, Ahmad...

A man goes to jail.

Lets just say his name is Phil. After he gets settled in he goes out to the wreck yard. Another inmate notices he is new, approaches him and asks him what he's in for. Phil tells him he has a drug and arson charge. The inmate says, so you lit something on fire and got caught selling drugs? Phil says...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four nuns were out for a stroll one day...

...when a bus lost control and plowed into them, killing them all instantly.

When they arrive at the pearly gates they are greeted by Saint Peter.

"Good to see you, sisters," he said. "Before I let you in to Heaven, you will each have to answer a question." He asked the first nun, "H...

Probably only amusing if you work in construction...

3 construction workers went on a hunting trip - a crane operator, a laborer, and a surveyor. The three spent a good hour walking through the woods, looking for the laborer's tree stand before they realized they were lost. Looking around, they had no way to figure out which way to go to get back to t...

Two robins were sitting in a tree.

"I'm really hungry", said the first one.

"Me too," said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."

They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more. "I'm so full I don't think I can fly bac...

Two Dogs Are In The Vet

Two dogs are in the vet office, waiting to be seen. The first dog turns to the one to his left and asks, "what are you in for?"

The other dog looks at him sadly and says, "our neighbors got a really smoking hot poodle, so I jumped the fence and did her right then and there. I'm here to get ne...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy had been born with no arms, no legs, and no torso; just a head.

Needless to say, life was tough for the little fella. His parents; wonderful people; would take him everywhere. They would feed and care for him as best they could. They traveled the world looking for a doctor who could help their little boy in any way. But for many years, they got only regretful re...

The curse of the coffin

Three men, Gary, Dan, and Job, grew up together as best friends. They dreamed of one day becoming rich and would do anything to attain wealth. One day, as they were sitting in the local bar, they overheard another group of men discussing the long lost buried treasure of Captain Sleazybeard. The thre...

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