Why don’t t-Rex’s eat plants?

Because they’re extinct

If you're having a hard day but you've got some new plants, think about them.

They're rooting for you.

It's crazy to think that we have scientists that can make hamburgers out of plants. These possibilities are just...

Beyond meat

Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

As I was watering the plants, my wife told me

"After you are done watering the plants, we need to talk about what I saw on your phone".

It's been 4 days, and I'm still watering the plants.

I had a test covering several breeds of Chinese plants.

It was multiple choys.

What do plants like to eat?

A Light snack...

My cows ate all my weed plants

The steaks have never been higher.

If plants had wifi, we'd be planting them everywhere!

Too bad they only make the oxygen we need to live.

I was watering the plants when my wife said "Can you come inside and unlock your phone after you're done watering the plants? There's something I need to see."

I have been watering the plants for the last four days.

I like to tease my plants...

When I water them I use ice cubes.

I was in my herb garden yesterday and one of my plants told me I was useless.

I think it was discouragemint.

Tesla briefly investigated reusable bio engines made from plants. Wooden car body, wooden wheels and a wooden engine.

It wooden go.

While you're at someone's house, it's pretty easy to tell if they like plants.

Just look around and see if they botany.

A Gardener who doesn’t want to keep his plants

What do you call a Gardener who doesn’t want to keep his plants?

Plant parenthood.

One of my friends gets paid minimum wage for watering plants.

Pour guy.

Stop neglecting plants.

It's mistreetment.

How do plants get drunk?

Root beer

If dogs were plants, what would they be?

Collie-flowers

I'm gonna go shoot myself in the head now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone sexually attracted to plants?

A Chloro-phile.

What is it called when you take pictures with plants?

photosynthesis

Did you guys hear that you can survive just on plants?

That is something i never herbivore!

I took pictures of plants during a nature hike

When I went to get them developed, I thanked the clerk for his Photosynthesis.

As a gardener nothing makes me more excited then when my plants first sprout

I guess that makes me a petalphile

If plants competed in American Idol, which one would win?

I think coriander would.

What do you call a gun that shoots only plants?

A vegun

Fun with rhymes.

If plants wore pants would plants try to dance? If plants tried to dance would plants have a chance if plants wore pants and you took a glance? If plants wore pants would they joust with a lance? If plants had a lance would the blow hit or glance? If plants were advanced and wore pants and danced th...

It is far more ethical to eat animals than plants

Animals have a chance to escape

2 guys on the road. One was digging a hole , the other one waited a minute and filled the hole back

Then they moved on and after about 10 feet they did the same - digging up , waiting a minute , and filling it back up.

They went on doing this the whole morning, covering almost 3 miles of land. One guy who was watching them eagerly just couldn’t resist any more, and asked - are you guys mad...

A gang made up of domesticated wheat, barley and hops plants are reported to have been looting and rioting all over the country

Police say they are farmed and dangerous.

If a plant is sad, do other plants photosympathize with it?

I chlorofeel you man

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is an old saying that says: "Whoever plants tamarind does not harvest tamarinds";

This is because this tree takes 80 to 90 years to bear fruit for the first time.

Once, a boy found an old peasant planting tamarinds and asked him: "Old man, why would you plant tamarinds if you can never harvest them?"

The old peasant, with his infinite wisdom and experience, responde...

I saw my neighbour hitting his plants with a long stick. I asked him why he was doing it but he wouldnt give me a straight answer,

He just kept beating around the bush.

I heard that plants grow faster when you play music for them

I hope they like Plantera

Toilets in power plants are always built on level surfaces...

to prevent rolling brown outs.

What do you call a Scandinavian who only eats plants?

A Nor-vegan!

I was going to give my friend books of jokes on the anatomy of plants

But I haven’t botany yet

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

Best joke that's ever been told.

If a courtroom's flora was only cannabis plants

Would that make it a high court?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Father Conor is walking by the Shannon when he sees one of his congregation fishing...

He stops for a chat, and mentions that he's never fished before. 'It's a doddle,' says the angler. 'Take a rod and give it a go.'

'Well, I suppose the blessed Saint Peter himself was a fisherman. Perhaps I'll try my hand,' says the priest.

Father Conor sits down and casts his line. Aft...

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