This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sold some baby laxative to a junkie and told him it was cocaine...!!

The next day he told me that was the best shit he ever had!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I confused my laxatives and my Pepto-Bismol

I am in deep shit now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did I down a whole bottle of laxatives at a comedy show last night?

For shits and giggles

What do you call a lube that doubles as a laxative?

Easy Come, Easy Go

A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup.

Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: "Well? Are you still coughing?" The patient replies: "No, I am afraid to."

What do you call a going out of business sale for a laxative store?

Liquidation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I put laxatives in my bosses coffee

He's going to shit himself when he finds out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once read a laxative horror story...

It scared the shit out of me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee.

"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day waiting for the arrival and nothin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend caught me slipping laxatives into his food the other night.

All he said was “You’re shitting me right.”

How do pharmaceutical companies evaluate the effectiveness of a laxative?

By measuring its defficacy

I’ve combined alphabet soup with a laxative...

I call it LETTER RIP

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've been experimenting with THC and Laxatives

For shits n' giggles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend said his laxatives worked really well.

He was lying. He was full of shit.

A doctor made a mistake and unknowingly prescribed his patient a powerful laxative instead of cough drops.

At the end of the week the patient comes back for a check-up. The doctor asks him: “*So how’s it going, Mr. Kowalski? Do you still cough a lot ?*''

The patient, who’s been sitting there very rigidly, looks at him with wide eyes, “*No. I’m afraid to*.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think Taco Bell was the tastiest laxative I've ever had.

I shit you not.

Did you hear about the man who accidentally took laxatives instead of his antidepressants?

He felt empty inside

Don't ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.

But if you do, you will sleep like a baby.

I accidentally drank holy water with my laxatives.

I’m about to start a religious movement.

The pharmacist said they only have the generic version of my laxative medication.

I said "I guess I'll have to make doo with that".

Why do laxatives always say they 'Work gently, over night?'

What if I want something that works violently right now?!?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] I had sex after taking laxatives the other day...

Fuck that shit, definitely never doing it again

Apple came out with a new laxative.

They're calling it the iBM.

Celebrities are now being hired to endorse laxatives.

Someone call William Shatner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought some laxatives the other day.

The other day I went down to the store to buy some laxatives. When I brought them to the counter the cashier said "having some problems?" To which I replied "yeah, no shit".

I just learned the hard way not to trust a fart while on laxatives...

...well, actually it was the soft way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Know why I make my pot brownies with chocolate laxatives?

For shits and giggles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I herd that a bunch of cows were fed laxatives by mistake.

Turns out it was a big load of bullshit.

A pharmacist comes back from his lunch break

He finds his assistant standing by a customer who seems very tense.
“What’s wrong with this man?” The pharmacist asks his assistant.
“He has a terrible cough!” The assistant replied. “And there was no cough medicine so I prescribed him laxatives instead.”

The customer gives a soft gr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chemist has invented a laughing gas that's also a laxative...

It was mostly for shits and giggles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1946, Sean Connery joined the Royal Navy...

In 1946, Sean Connery joined the Royal Navy. During his time there, he was in charge of a covert operation to spy on a Russian military installation which was directly next to a small lake.

He was in charge of a small team of highly trained soldiers, a few locals recruited to help with the op...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

FDA No longer allows patients to be prescribed laxatives and medicinal marijuana

Apparently you need to either shit, or get off the pot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We decided to organize an intervention for our friend, who is addicted to taking laxatives.

I said, “This shit needs to stop.”

So Joe had a bad cough.

It was the worst cough of his life. He couldn't get anything done since all he could do was cough uncontrollably. So he decided to go to the doctor.

"Doc, you gotta help me," Joe said. "I just can't seem to stop coughing."

"Oh my, oh my, you poor thing," the doctor exclaimed. "I'll pre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Big Chief was suffering from constipation for over a week...

He hadn't laid a log in what felt like forever and this caused him great frustration, pain and discomfort. In great desperation, he decides to visit the tribe's witch doctor in the hope of finally loosening his bowels.

The witch doctor let's him in and says "Hey there Big Chief, to what do I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend said he likes smoking marijuana, though he might give it up because of its laxative effect.

I told him he either needs to shit or get off the pot.

Scientists have a new theory on how the first laxative was discovered.

It was an accident.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a hooker who’s addicted to laxatives?

One shucks between fits and one fucks between shits.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I only lost 1.6 lbs while taking laxatives for a colonoscopy.

I guess I'm not as full of shit as I thought.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"So, Watson, I heard you were constipated. What were the results of the laxative you took?"

"No shit, Sherlock"

Why do laxatives have a best before date?



If they go off, what's the worst that can happen?.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?

Expellianus.

Doctor to assistant: I said to give the patient something for his cough! Why did you give him a laxative?!

Assistant: Well he's not coughing anymore, is he?
Doctor: ..I guess he wouldn't dare..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the redditor mix a bottle of laxatives with nitrous oxide?

The same reason he did everything else: for shits and giggles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is a girlfriend like a laxative?

They both irritate the shit out of you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A thief stole a bottle of laxatives, mistaking them for perscription painkillers.

After he found out, he nearly shit himself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if you mix up viagra and laxatives?

It makes you crap in bed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I informed the party attendants that someone put laxatives in all the food and drink.

Everyone lost their shit.

You know what they say about German laxatives

They bring out the wurst in you

What do a good competitor and a laxative have in common?

Both give you a run for your money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my pharmacist for the strongest laxative he had.

Pharmacist: Are you really constipated?

Me: I broke up with my girlfriend and miss how she irritated the shit out of me!

I’m going to invent a super laxative for the military.

I think I’ll call it Dishonorable Discharge.

Why is a fruit tree like a laxative?

They both make a mango!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What laxative did the constipated man ask for?

Poop-ease

A pharmacist walked into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall.

"What's wrong with him?" he asked his assistant. "He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn't find any so I gave him an entire box of laxatives". "You idiot" said the pharmacist "You can't treat a cough with laxatives". "Of course you can" the assistant replied "Look at him... hes too afraid to cough...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who mixed viagras and laxatives?

He didn't know if he was coming or going

Why was the watchman prescribed laxatives?

To help him pass the time.

My danish friend pranked me by giving me laxative cookies

I never thought he'd stroop so low

Why do politicians take laxatives?

So they can speak more fluently

This laxative I just bought is really effective.

It's really giving me a run for my money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at a party the other day where everyone was getting high on laxatives and almonds

Shit got nuts real quick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People ask me all the time why I like putting laxatives in my pot brownies...

... I don't really know. I guess I'm just in it for the shits and gigs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why shouldn't you give a meth addict laxatives?

because it's already hard enough for them to keep their shit together.

I tried this new laxative with goose feathers

But now I'm feeling down in the dumps.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friends dared me to take Viagra and a laxative at the same time.

So I went and sat on the toilet and I couldn't tell if I was cumming or going.

Outside the pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching into a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle just standing there, frozen.

The pharmacist goes up to his assistant and asks: “What’s the matter with that guy? Wasn’t he in here earlier?”

Assistant replies: “Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help.”

Pharmacist says: “He seems to be fine now.”

Assistant repl...

What do you get....

When you combine a laxative and alphabet soup?

'Letter Rip'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Serve alcohol at a party, nobody bats an eye

Serve laxatives at a party and everybody loses their shit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Halloween joke

A young man in the hospital is smitten with his night nurse, She feels good about him too.
The pain meds he’s on have constipated him and neither want to discuss it. She decides to slip him a laxative to “help” .Just before she’s going to arrive for a visit, he has an accident in the bed, there’...

An Ethnomedicine researcher is visiting a tribe deep in the Amazon...

An ethnomedicine researcher is visiting a tribe deep in the Amazon and they present to him the leaves of a short native palm tree. They tell him that these leaves can be brewed into a tea that is a powerful laxative.

He says, "well, in extreme cases, do you ever have to resort to giving an en...

There are 5 places in my house that haven't been cleaned out in years.

I'd better go to the pharmacy and get some laxatives.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My kidnappers enjoyed torturing me

It was days before one of them allowed me to finally drink any water. When he gave me the jug of discolored water, the grin on his face had me terrified to drink it, and I instantly imagined it was full of poison. But I couldn't help myself; I was too thirsty. I drank it all.

Still I couldn't...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sherlock Holmes is looking for evidence at a crime scene with another officer.

Sherlock: I heard the suspect fed the victim an excessive amount of laxatives. Tell me if you find any feces in the area.

*30 minutes later, the office comes back empty handed *

Sherlock: So you didn’t find any?

Officer: No shit, Sherlock.

Moms being Moms

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"

*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”

*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu...

The doctor takes a peek

Disclaimer: This is a re-tell of a joke as my late uncle used to tell it to me.

So there was a guy named Joe that had lost an eye. As it would happen, the only solution was to get a glass eye as to make him feel a little better. Every night he would carefully put it into a glass of solution ...

A pharmacist arrived to his drugstore when he see a man on the ground moaning lightly.

So the pharmacist goes in his store and ask his assistant if she took care of the guy outside. She explains him that he had a bad cough but there was no more cough mixture.
Pharmacist: What did you tell him?
Assistant: I gave him a bottle of laxative and tell him it was cough mixture and he dr...

A chemist walks into his pharmacy

A chemist walks into his pharmacy and sees a man standing in the corner with his hand on his stomach. He asks his assistant what happened. "the man came in with a cough but since we were out of cough syrup I gave him a laxative" his assistant says. "you can't treat a cough with a laxative" the chemi...

After a check-up routine in the quarantine facility one morning,

a doctor notices one of the patients unusually calm and calls the nurse in charge.

Doctor: "That patient in the corner is recovering now, isn't he?"

Nurse: "Why do you say so doc? His temperature isn't that encouraging."

Doctor: "He is neither coughing nor sneezing anymore."
...

I asked my doctor what was the best cough suppressant medicine I could buy over the counter.

Laxatives.
I have since completely stopped coughing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES,...

A couple had their 1st child, and when he turned 5, The child swallowed a coin.

The couple panicked and brought the child to a hospital.

Then after 2 years they had their 2nd child. And when he turned 5, The child swallowed a coin. The couple just gave him a laxative.

Then they had their 3rd child, And when he turned 5, The 3rd child swallowed a coin.

Cou...

A chemist comes back from his lunch break.

He finds his assistant busy behind the counter, and a man twitching while leaning against the wall. "What's going on?" he asks. The assistant tells him that the man came in for some cough syrup. "Well, did you give it to him?" asks the chemist. "No, we didn't have any," replies the assistant.
...

Drug store

The owner of a drug store walked into his store one day, only to notice a man leaning heavily against a wall.

The owner went over to his staff member behind the counter and asked them, “What’s wrong with that guy over there by the wall?”

The staff member replied, “Oh him – he came in h...

A blonde goes to the doctor because she couldn't make a bowel movement.The doctor prescribes a suppository and sends her on her way...

She returns a week later complaining the laxative did not work.

Doctor: Have you been taking them regularly?

Blonde: What do you think I've been doing,shoving them up my ass?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Confucius say....

"One who farts in church, sits in own pew"

"Learn to masturbate, it come in handy"

"Man who mix Viagra with Laxative, Not know when he coming or going"

"Man who make mistake in elevator, wrong on many levels"

"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it"...

My pharmacy is having a liquidation sale.

Laxatives are 50% off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A not so shitty story

A man walks into the doctor's office stating "Doc, I haven't had a shit in weeks". The doctor, does a normal check up, and upon finding the man to be okay, prescribes him some laxatives.

Two weeks later, the same guy walks into the office saying "Doc, I still can't shit". The doctor does anot...

A man was coughing all day long and decided to go and see a doctor

So the man arrives at the doctor and explains the problem.

The doctor accidentally gave him laxative instead of coughing syrup but the man already left.

So a couple days later the man comes back for chek-up and the doctor asks: " alright, are you still coughing?"

The man replies...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.