UPJOKE
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Kat Jokes

-Can I have a Kit Kat Chunky? -Sorry, we only have normal Kit Kat.

-That's what I asked for, fat f*ck!

The Kit Kat manufacturer was so tired from working all day.

He just needed a break

They used to call my ex kit kat..

Never understood that as u only get two fingers in a kit kat

What did Tweety Bird say when Kat Von D flashed him?

Ooh! I think I saw a tiddy tat!

Whats the difference between my ex-girlfriend and a Kit-Kat?

You can only get 4 fingers in a Kit-Kat

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A joke my dad sent me today but I translated it to English

Jack was bored out of his mind in the classroom on a friday afternoon, as were many of his friends. The teacher noticed this and came up with a small challenge to get their attention back to her.

"Alright, class. I tell you a famous saying and the first one to tell me who said it doesn't hav...

Sour Patch Kid Walks into a Support Group

Sour patch kid walks into a support group for separated couples.

He says, "Hello, I'm new, and my name is Barry. My wife, Godiva, and I have been together for 15 years, and have been separated for 2 of those years. She claims my mood swings are 'unbearable' "

Everyone says "Hi Barry ...

I like my KitKat like I like my girls:

Two at once.

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What's the difference between a Kit Kat and an Essex girl?

You can only get 4 fingers in a Kit Kat.

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I walked up to the counter and asked the girl at the till to give me a KitKat chunky.

She handed me a KitKat Chunky. I said no, I wanted a regular KitKat, you fat bitch.

My Kit-Kat bar got stuck in the vending machine at work...

...gimme a break...

I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person.



That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.

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I've got this online friend who's from Katowice. He's a great guy and all,but man,do I hate playing FPS games against him. He always hides in some trench and takes me out by surprise,every goddamn time!

Fuck the Polish comin straight from the underground.

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A Man Goes into a gas station and asks the lady at the register for a KitKat Chunky

The lady then goes back to the freezer and gets him a KitKat Chunky.

The man says "No, I wanted a regular Kit Kat you fat bitch"

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A man walks into a petrol station

He walks up to the counter and says

‘Can I have a Kit Kat chunky’

‘Sure’ replies the cashier and hands him a Kit Kat Chunky

The man replies - ‘I said I want a Kit Kat you fat bitch’

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New priest

There was a new priest that was going to take over for a retiring priest. As the old priest was showing the young priest around, they came up to the confessional booth. The young priest said:

"You know, I'm quite nervous about talking to people about their sins."

The old priest respon...

There’s a new machine at my gym. Used it for an hour and felt sick.

It’s really good though, does everything! Kit Kats, Snickers, Milky Ways. The lot.

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A man pulls up to a petrol station and goes go buy a chocolate bar...

He goes up to the cashier and says "can I have a kit-kat chunky?"

The cashier returns with the chocolate bar he asked for and says "there you go, that will 80p please"

He turns back to her and says
"No, I wanted a regular kit-kat you fat bitch".

Tik Tok is mostly just millions of users imitating each other.

They should change the name of the app to Kpy Kat.

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I walked into my local petrol station..

..yesterday. I asked the girl behind the counter 'can I have a KitKat chunky'.
She come back with a KitKat chunky'.
I said 'i want a normal KitKat you fat bitch'.

My wife got a kitkat the other day and I stole a finger. Today she grabbed one of mine..

I guess it was Kit for Kat

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I walked up to service station night pay

I walked up to the service station night pay and said,
"pump 7 and a kit kat chunky"

The lady behind the glass walked off and came back and handed me a kit kat chunky and said, "that's $53.21 all together".

I looked at her in disgust and said, "I wanted a regular kit kat you fat cun...

Man goes to a petrol station.

It's night time and one of those serving hatches. Talks to the girl. Can I have a can of coke and a Kit kat Chunky?

Off the girl goes to get his stuff. "There you go," she says, "One can of coke and a KitKat Chunky."

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal Kitkat, you fat cow."

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If Katniss and Peta from the Hunger Games had a ship

Would it be KatPee? Or Penis?

Cation

Pronunciation : [kat-ahy-uhn,-on]

-Noun Chemistry

1.An ion with paws-tive charge.
2.The cutest ion ever.

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Speed demon Grandma

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually join...

New machine at the gym.

They installed a new machine at my gym today, I managed to do 2 hours on it.

They do all sorts. Snickers, Kit-kats, Mars bars, you name it...

What is a cannibal's favourite treat?

A kid kat.

(My 9 year old son made this up.)

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The Birth of Baby Ruth

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediate...

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Jokes for the week of 4/6-4/12

A French breast scientist advises against wearing bras after a thorough study, thus tying for the best job ever and the best news ever.

A GOP rep said not gays nor NAMBLA can redefine marriage. Thankfully, nine fabulous people in robes can. ‪#suckit‬ ‪#nohomo‬ ‪#somehomo‬ ‪#yeshomo‬

Ki...

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