Osama Jokes - 57 Hilarious Osama Jokes

Who was Osama bin Laden’s favorite team?

The New York Jets.

Osama bin Laden dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you.

You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I've got a couple of folks here who weren't qui...

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Two 9/11 conspiracy theorists are in a plane when it crashes

An instant later they find themselves in the afterlife, being judged by Almighty God Himself.

One falls to his knees, "I deplore you, all-powerful Creator of the universe! Before you judge me, I humbly beg you, reveal who was behind the September 11 attacks!"

God sighs. "Muslim extremi...

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Osama goes to heaven.

Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr.
Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the
Americans' liberty, so they gave you...

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If I am in a room with Adolf Hitler, Osama Bin Laden and Benito Mussolini....

Then I am probably suffering from Schizophrenia.

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Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?

A black guy

What animal was Osama bin-Laden afraid of?

SEALs

Osama Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message

Osama Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message to let him know he is still alive:-
"370H SSV 0773H." Bush is baffled. Condi Rice and her aides and even the FBI and CIA
can't decipher it. So they ask Britain's MI6 for help. Within a minute MI6 replies:-
"Er, tell the President he's hol...

What was Osama bin Laden's favourite dessert?

Terrormisu

What do Trump and Osama Bin Laden have in common?

They both hide underground from the American people. #bunkerboy

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Two Conspiracy Theorists Die...

...as they stand before God waiting to be judged, God tells them that they each may ask him one question they have always wanted to be answered and he would answer it.

One of the conspiracy theorists steps forward and asks “who was REALLY behind 9/11?”

Before God can answer, the seco...

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer"

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Osama goes to hell

He arrives and the devil greets him. "Welcome" the devil says. "You have been a very bad man and you deserve to be here". "I will give you three options and you will decide which one you will do for eternity!"

The devil takes Osama to the first door and opens it. There is Michael Jackson fil...

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Why was Osama bin laden kicked out of geometry class.

He kept blowing up the pentagons.

Osama bin Laden jokes are funny sometimes...

When they're executed well.

Osama bin Laden rated America.

He gave us a 9/11.

Osama Bin Laden tried doing standup comedy before terrorism

He bombed.

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If I was in a room with hitler, osama bin laden and stalin,

I would ask you to write a letter to my mother about my mental illness

If you switch the B and S in Osama bin Laden, it becomes Obama Sin-Laden . . .

Some might consider that prophetic, others slanderous.

But I say it's just flippin' BS.

I'd make an Osama bin laden joke

But it's a bit of a shot in the dark

The Aussie Farmer, Osama Bin Laden And A Biker

Three men - a Farmer, Osama bin Laden and a
Biker are all walking together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total',
says the Genie.

The Farmer says, 'I am a farmer and my son wil...

What was Osama bin Laden's biggest regret as a parent?

kids blow up so fast

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Osama Bin Laden's afterlife...

After he was killed by Seal Team Six, Osama Bin Laden immediately found himself in a large room filled with fat middle aged men wearing strange costumes.

As he looked around he saw a gigantic sign that said "Welcome fellow Trekies."

Confused by his surroundings, Osama wanted to get out...

What is Osama Bin Laden’s least favorite type of wine?

White Infidel

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What does Osama bin Laden and my wife's clitoris have in common?

Took me 10 years to find it, but when I did; killed it!

How does Osama close a door

Islams-it

Osama, Ghaddafi, and Kim Jong Il?

Santa must be taking his naughty list a tad seriously this year.

George Bush goes to a primary school

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asked, What is your name?

Bob

And what is your question, Bob?

I have 3 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq with...

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If I was in a room with two bullets, Hitler, Osama bin laden, and any person that sleeps fully clothed

I’d walk away, because Hitler and Bin Laden are both dead and I don’t have a gun.

On a scale of 1 to Osama...

How good was the hiding spot?

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I am currently investigating a possible link between Jeffrey Epstein and Osama Bin Ladin.

I mean where else would Bin Laden get the 72 virgins he was always talking about?

Why did osama kill his wife?

When he lifted her skirt, he saw *bush* .

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven...

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully."

Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Did Bush do 9/11?"

God replies, "Bush did not plan the attacks. 9/11 was perpetrated...

Osama Bin Laden has been having trouble thinking lately

His brain is pretty scattered right now

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A cooking utensil owned by both Hitler and Osama Bin Laden went for auction today.

It’s the grater of two evils.

It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.

Talk Abbottabad place to hide.

Osama-bin-Laden had traveled into town after several weeks

in the desert with his trusty camel. The camel had been his sole companion for years but eventually, time had slowed the poor beast down.

Laden was considering getting a new camel when he saw a sign outside of a store: WE MAKE YOUR CAMELS TRAVEL FASTER. GUARANTEED OR YOUR MONEY BACK!

H...

We finally have definitive proof that Osama bin Laden is dead.

He just registered to vote in Chicago.

Osama bin laden's son came back home from school one day in tears.

Osama asked: "What's wrong?"

His son said: "Our teacher asked me what the tallest building in new york is, and I got it wrong."

Osama replied: "What did you say?"

His son: "The empire state building."

Osama: "Don't worry son, i'll take care of it."

What would you call Osama bin Laden if he became a pirate?

Sandy Hook.

The CIA found evidence that Osama Bin Laden had downloaded a lot of videos about how to crochet

Turns out he was trying to replace all those lost afghans

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Osama bin Laden dies and goes to heaven . . . .

. . . . So he's waiting at this gate when all of a sudden, George Washington comes out.

"You attacked the country I helped found!" and beats the crap out of him. Then he goes back inside and Thomas Jefferson comes out. "You hate the Declaration of Independence that I wrote!" And beats the eve...

A man in France was arrested today for using his car to run down a pedestrian he thought was Osama bin Laden.

Even though it was a mistake, it still ranks as France's biggest military victory.

As the navy seals burst into osama bin ladens room in his pakistani compound, his last dying words forever wrung in the ears of the seals...

"It was just a prank bro"

Did you hear they came out with a drink called the Osama Bin Laden?

It's two shots and a splash of water.

A joke from my brother:

A boy was playing Rocket League and was partnered with a player called Osama_king2014. The partner was not very good at the game. He was so bad, he caused the boy to leave in frustration.
The boy’s younger brother, who was watching, the said: Y’know, for a guy named Osama, he’s not very good at s...

Has enough time passed in our country that we honestly and openly talk about the good things Osama Bin Laden did for us?

You don't think he did anything good? You're wrong.

How about the fact that when you take your wife or gf to the airport, you no longer have to walk her all the way to the gate?

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My all-time favorite one liner NSFW

Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?

Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.

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Pakistan is opening an amusement park

Pakistan is opening an amusement park and a zoo in the same town where the raid on Osama Bin Laden took place.

The zoo is pretty cool, but you won't be able to see the seals until it's too late....

People say that Pakistan is a terrorist nation.....

Guys it's not true, even Osama bin Laden lived there peacefully for 6 years

A joke from George Carlin,tucked away because of 9/11

The most striking thing about the show is that Carlin made a joke about Osama bin Laden and an exploding airplane. In a fashion typical of the comedian, who always passed easily between the corporeal and the sublime, it started as a fart joke. “These planes get flying so fast that all the most vicio...

New York City is the archnemises of Introverts

It always seems like it's a creepy introvert that wants to destroy the largest American city.

After 9/11, even Osama Bin Laden escaped to a cave and then a Pakistani stronghold to have his alone time and recharge.

But like any good friendship, that introvert has that one ex...

Ibises are actually part of an undercover terrorist organisation, and I know who their leader is...

...Osama Bin Chicken.

This may go over your heads if you're not Australian. We call Ibises 'bin chickens'.

What do you call a lumberjack from the middle east?

Osama Bin Loggin

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Black man kills conservative politician!

The final Fox News spin on Osama's death.

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Two conspiracy theorists are flying on a plane to a convention when it crashes.

They find themselves before God and tell him "We are but humble men, and for all our life we have sought the truth. You are all-knowing, so you know all the answers."

"What is your question?"

"We would really like to know who was really behind the 9/11".

"Osama bin Laden and the...

What healthcare program is offered to the citizens of Pakistan?

OsamaCare... It's the bomb.

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