I was on a plane, and my wife wouldn't stop pestering me to get an upgrade.

It took some time, but eventually I got a better wife.

Aunts pestering me at weddings

My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, *“Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”*


We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.

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(NSFW) Milton Berle had a famously large penis. Another comedian (who also considered himself well-hung) kept pestering Berle to have a contest comparing their tools.

Berle said, "Fine, but I'm only going to take out enough to win."

I'm always pestering women, I've asked the same girl out 3 times

She said yes each time, I just had to be sure

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Two men go on a long expedition into the mountains

Both of them happen to be smokers and while one was prepared and brought extra cartons, the other guy had only brought just one. Not long into their journey the second guy has ran out and starts pestering the first guy for a pack of cigarettes, but the first guy isn't budging, he brought just enough...

My Cousin VS. My Aunt

My cousin is 28 and my aunt keeps pestering her about having a boyfriend because she wants grandchildren, my cousin keeps declining her because she already decided to be single for the rest of her life, this kept going on for months now and my cousin hasn't said anything until now...

Aunt: Yo...

Tommo was a canary. [long]

Tommo was a canary. Like his father, and his father before him, Tommo worked in the granite mines. Every morning, he would perch upon the shoulder of his favorite miner, and descend down, down into the deep.

Tommo had a lovely wife canary at home named Millet. Millet and Tommo had two sons...

Adam and Terry woke up on the Oregon Trail with supplies for a month.

On the last week of the month, Adam fell ill. Terry on the other hand, was fine.

On the last day, Adam started to uncontrollably pester Terry because he thought Terry had poisoned him.

Terry was patient at first, but soon his patience wore thin. It didnt help that they had run out of...

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Einstein's Catholic Friend (OC)

Einstein's Catholic friend was constantly pestering Einstein to attend church services with him.

"Albert, why can't you come this Sunday? You wouldn't want to miss mass."

Finally, Einstein agrees to attend service with his friend.

After the service, his friend asked what Einstei...

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Little Johnny's dad told his teacher that he has a nasty gambling habit...

and he says "Hey, Dad! I'll bet you $5 there's some dogs humping just around this corner!"
Dad considers how likely it would be, and says "You're on, kid!"
Once they get to the corner, they see the dogs going at it and Dad pays up.
So Dad calls Johnnys teacher. "Hey, my kid has this nasty g...

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An Arab and a Jew

oil Sheikh that was in a coma and needed a blood transfusion to survive. Being O- it was hard for him to get a donor with the same rare blood type. Finally they found an old Jewish farmer that was listed as a blood donor with the same blood type. However he was very reluctant to give his blood to sa...

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Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest

She looks behind her and says "I can see you Mr, Big Bad Wolf, your hiding behind the tree!".

The Wolf growls in anger and runs off.

Red Riding Hood keeps walking, a short while later, she turns and says "I can see you Mr Big Bad Wolf, your hiding behind the bushes".

The Wolf ye...

Back during the Cold War, the CIA, FBI and KGB decide to have a contest...

To prove they are the best secret service in the world, they'll have to find a rabbit in a forest.



CIA go first. After 24 hours, they get out of the forest and announce that they listened to every conversation in the forest, checked for strange lights in the sky, overthrew the King S...

The farmer's nagging wife

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully.

From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something.

The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out p...

A man is walking down the street with a few rolls of toilet paper

...threaded onto a piece of twine, wearing it like a necklace.

Passers-by keep pestering him, "Where did you buy it? Where can I get some?"

Finally, the man gives up: "Guys, guys, leave me alone, I didn't buy it, I just picked it up from the DRY-CLEANERS'!!!"

\[ ...is there a b...

So my commander in the army decided to tell a story to pass the time...

Commander: Today very boring, nevermind, I tell y'all a story.

Usually when me and the other commanders gather around we like talk about experiences the night before with our wives before we book in (come back into camp).

So commander A was telling us over breakfast that his wife made...

A pothead goes to the beach.

It's pretty obvious that he's been smoking earlier that day.
He gets to the beach and it's a quiet day. He notices, however that there are all manner of sea birds squawking and flying around like crazy. They're diving in and out of the water and pestering the few people who were out that day. He ...

So my friend sent me an invitation to this club

He said that they arranged taco Tuesday at the club. I didn't really feel up to it so I initially declined. He said it was fine but then kept inviting me every week. Every week I kept declining until I eventually gave in and agreed to come.


"Why do you want me to go so badly?"

...

Say the alphabets!

One day lil Jhonny had to badly go to the bathroom. His English teacher Miss. Strict didn't believe he had to go that badly and thought he was disrupting the class so told him to hold it in. Lil Jhonny kept pestering her every 5 mins until she had it. So she said recite the alphabets quickly and I'l...

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A Brit walks into a bar in Mississippi.

The bartender, taking note of the man's rather non-local appearance, shook his head and handed the man a beer - he didn't want to be at the butt-end of some lame joke.

The other bargoers, however, didn't seem to have the same inclination, and so began pestering the Brit.

"Well lookie h...

Driving in Scotland

(First post here, let me know if i need to fix anything please).
An American decides to visit Scotland. While there, he decides to rent a nice car to explore the country. Not long on the road he is pulled over by a police officer. The officer approached the vehicle and asks the American,
"I do...

Adam and Eve were arguing.

On and on, she kept pestering him, asking, "Where have you been all night?"


"Just out walking," Adam insisted as he closed his eyes and prayed for sleep to overtake him.

It seemed like only moments later he was awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

"What ...

A man and a nun are sitting next to each other on the bus

The man looks at the nun and says " you know, I have never kissed a nun before" the nun says no. She is a nun and is married to the church, but after much pestering from the man the nun finally breaks. " I will kiss you but only if you are not married." The man says he is single and then begins to k...

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