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Peeks Jokes

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

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As told to me by an 85 year old shriner clown.

Little 8 year old Susie is in her back yard digging a hole. Her neighbor Mr. Johnson peeks over the fence and says "gee Susie, what's going on?"

Susie says "I'm digging a hole, it's pretty obvious."

Mr. Johnson asks "why are you digging a hole?"

Susie replies "I'm burying my gol...

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A little boy goes to his dad and asks:

'Dad, what's Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will...

So a guy walks into a bank in Manhattan and asks for the loan officer

The loan officer comes over immediately.

“How can I help you, sir?” he asks.

“I’m going out of town on business for two weeks and need to borrow $5,000,” the man answers.

The loan officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan.

So, the man ho...

A man enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a pint. After he finishes , he peeks inside his shirt's pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another pint.

After he finishes, he again peeks inside his shirt's pocket and orders the bartender to bring another pint. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' drinks all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt's pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm pe...

It's the First World War, and a French Battalion and a German Battalion face each other in the trenches.

It's a rather slow day, and the Krauts sit bored in their trenches. Then, a young corporal speaks: "We really need to kill more frenchies! What can we do to lure them out?"
A young recruit asks, "What is a typical french name?"
Another answers, "Pierre."
The young recruit gets up, puts his ...

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A student is blatantly cheating in an exam

The invigilator is watching in a mixture of disbelief and amusement as the student peeks at a crib sheet and looks at his neighbours papers.

At the end of the exam the students line up to hand their papers in. When the cheater gets to the front of the line the invigilator says "Uh-uh, no way....

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NSFW:A nurse was making her rounds at the insane asylum...

Her first stop a man had his dick in his hands and was swinging it like a baseball bat."Just what are you doing?"she asks.

"I'm Babe Ruth,the world's most famous baseball player."

She continues to the next room where she sees the patient holding his dick like a golf club.And just what ...

A distinguished looking man.

A distinguishing looking man in a red tie, a white shirt and dark blue suit, walks by a large official looking building and hears a small group of people gleefully chanting 14, 14, 14!

As he gets closer he sees what he thinks is a hole in the wall. He walks over to and then peeks in to see if...

A young man buys a brand-new bike

He is over the moon with his purchase. The salesman hands him a tiny jar of Vaseline before driving off, remarking: 'Be wary that your seat is made of 100% pure bison leather. Make sure to put vaseline on the seat, should it rain, otherwise the leather might crack.' The man thanks the salesman and r...

A man goes to the bar.

A man sits at a bar alone, and orders a shot of whisky, slams its and peeks inside his shirt pocket. He then orders another shot, slams it and peeks inside his shirt pocket. Once again he orders another shot, slams it and peeks in his pocket. At this point the bartender is curious and asks “ what do...

A man breaks into a wealthy persons house

He hears a sobbing noise coming from around the corner so he goes to check what it is. He peeks around the corner to see a body guard sobbing saying "I C c can't believe boss forgot my birthday, I thought he was m my f f friend uhoo hoo" so he turns around and goes the opposite direction desperate t...

A man is walking besides the insane asylum

When he hears a commotion coming over the fence. The people inside the asylum are chanting

“FIVE, FIVE, FIVE, FIVE...”

He notices a small hole on the wall and curiously peeks inside to see what’s going on.

Someone pokes him in the eye with a stick. And then he hears chanting...

A guy is walking down the sidewalk one day...

He happens to be strolling past an insane asylum with a huge wooden fence around the courtyard. Behind the fence he can hear a crowd of people chanting "14,14,14!" which gets his curiosity going. Up ahead of him, he can see a knothole in the fence so he heads over to it, leans down and peeks through...

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A single mom and her 5 year old son...

are living in a small apartment. One day, the boy walks past his mothers room and notices that her door is slightly open. He peeks in and sees his mother standing in front of a mirror rubbing her hands all over her body. She is rubbing her breasts and her vagina and is moaning the words, "I want a...

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A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home.

He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief: "This is a tree."


The chief looks at the tree and grunts: "Tree."


The missionary is plea...

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A guy joins a monastery

A guy goes to join a monastery while he's waiting for the monastery to accept him and his vowels of silence he's allowed to ask things about what they do at the monastery.

They guy feeling a little on the horny side one day pulls a monk to the side and asks him quietly what to do when he's g...

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A psychiatrist and a man are touring a mental hospital to see if it would be a good fit for his brother.

They are walking down a hallway when they pass a door the man looks in. Inside there is this young man who his holding his hands up to his stomach, raising his leg and then lunges forwards in a pitching motion. "Oh! Hey! I'm practicing my pitch, I'm going to be a famous pitcher for the Los Angeles D...

Oh, boy! Horsie ride!

Little Johnny is passing his parents’ bedroom in the middle of the night in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in the act. Before dad can even react, little Johnny exclaims, “Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?”
<...

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Street seller offers really special eyeglasses to Steve

He tries them on and sees all the people naked when he looks through them. He immediately buys them and gets home to show them to his wife sneaking a few peeks as he goes.

He enters the apartment and sees his wife with his best friend naked on couch. He takes eyeglasses off, they're naked. On...

A miner moves out west to California...

A miner moves out west to California. Having spent a few years in Colorado, he has a pretty good idea of the sort of lifestyle miner's live; up from dawn 'til dusk in the mines, and then up from dusk 'til dawn drinking and playing card games.

So, to his surprise, when he moves to Bluster's Bl...

A man is walking past the mental hospital

through the board fence he hears the nuts inside chanting, thirteen...thirteen...thirteen. Curious, peeks through a knot hole and someone pokes him in the eye! As he jumps back in pain he hears the nuts start chanting, fourteen...fourteen...fourteen.

A couple and their two sons are watching TV

She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few min...

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Two little boys are sitting in the living room watching TV with their parents. The Mother looks over at the father with a wink and a nod toward upstairs.

The Mother turns back to the two boys and says "We're going upstairs for a minute. You two stay here and watch TV. We'll be right back. Okay?"

The two boys nod okay, and the parents take off upstairs. The oldest of the two boys is old enough to know what's going on now and he gets up and tipt...

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For my cake day, an obligatory joke about cake

Little Johnny can't sleep. He decides to get out of bed and peeks into his parents room, catching them having sex.



Johnny asks, “Hey what are you guys doing?”



His mother quickly covers up and yells, “Nothing, nothing! We were just, uh, making a cake.”



...

A Two-Fold Accident

A man gets into a car accident along a busy avenue. His car is completely totaled, the bumper fell off, the lights are all shattered, there's glass everywhere. Irate, he gets out of his car and begins to yell at the other driver. The other driver peeks out of his window, wearing a bright orange hat....

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A bad time in hell

This really bad guy, eventually died and went to hell, in hell, in hell, the devil appeared in front of the guy

Devil: I see that you are now in hell, I have 5 doors wich you can choose, once you enter, there is no way of coming back, and you will be destined to spent eternity inside

*...

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A priest is sitting in a confessional, sipping from a flask.

He's feeling pretty good, letting the time pass,

when just at the moment he has to pee,

someone walks up to confess, you see.

Well, the priest can't hold it, so he peeks out

and sees the church janitor walking about.

"Tony! Come here," He whispers, "I need a hand.<...

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A golfer goes out for a beer...

After a round of golf, a golfer loads his trunk up with his clubs but puts his extra tees and balls in his pockets. He goes into the clubhouse for a beer.

He sits down next to a blond woman at the bar. She sees the bulging pants of the golfer and barely stops herself from gasping. She cannot ...

So Little Timmy is Playing with His Legos...

...when all of a sudden his mother comes up to him. She tells him "Timmy, when your father comes home can you tell him to come to our room? Tell him it's very very important". Timmy agrees and continues to play with his legos. A couple of hours later the father comes home and Timmy runs to him and s...

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Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton are playing at a charity golf tournament.

Bill sees Tiger at the urinals and peeks down to see that Tiger is very well endowed.


"Tiger, what is your secret?" Bill asks.

Tiger responds: "It's really simple. Every night before I get in bed I whack my dick against my bedpost 3 times. It's been working for me for years!"
...

A 9 year old kid walks down the hallway of his house

and hears something coming from his older sisters room. He peeks through the keyhole and sees his sister naked caressing herself and saying, "Oh, I want a boy, Oh I need a boy."

The boy didn't understand so he kept walking to his room. The next day he looked through the keyhole again and saw...

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It's a Priests first day at a new church...

and after Mass he sits down in the confession booth. He's nervous because this is his first time in confessional after seminary school and he isn't sure if he'll remember what to do.

Someone walks in and sits down, and starts to confess. "Forgive me Father for I have sinned, it's been 2 weeks...

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A Scot finished having sex with a woman he just met.

He goes into the bathroom, and after a few minutes, the woman peeks in. She sees him washing and drying his condom.

She exclaims, "What are you doing, you cheap Scottish bastard?!?!"

He says, "I have to wash it out - it belongs to the club!"

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Pirate Joke

Two Pirates, a captain and his first mate, are pissing over the side of the ship after a long night of drinking. Curious, the first mate peeks over at the captains log to see what he's packing and is shocked to see a miniature steering-wheel attatched to the end of his long john silver.

"Oi! ...

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Guy decides to surprise his wife by coming home from his vacation a day early

he's happy to see that she's still up, as the lights are on in the bedroom, so he grabs the flowers and the chocolate, quietly let's himself through the front door, goes up the stairs and peeks in.
To his shock, he sees TWO sets of feet sticking out from under the covers, the large set on top, en...

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