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Eyeglass Jokes

Why couldn't the eyeglass technician do his job?

He didn't have the specs for the specs.

Never hit a man with eyeglasses

Use your fist instead.

>Enthusiastically told by my 6 year old brother, I thought it was worth sharing.

I asked my optometrist why he was starting to look like an eyeglass?

And he said it was in order to make a spectacle of himself.

Someone stole my eyeglasses.

I was robbed blind!

What happened to the optometrist that fell into the eyeglass making machine?

He made a spectacle of himself

Why did the eyeglasses walk into the classroom quietly?

They didn’t want to make a spectacle

What is the difference between eyeglasses and girlfriends?

Eyeglasses sit a little higher on your face.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Street seller offers really special eyeglasses to Steve

He tries them on and sees all the people naked when he looks through them. He immediately buys them and gets home to show them to his wife sneaking a few peeks as he goes.

He enters the apartment and sees his wife with his best friend naked on couch. He takes eyeglasses off, they're naked. On...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A butt goes to an eyeglasses place.

He waits in line until the optometrist finally steps out and says "Sir, I will not be giving you an exam."

The butt is outraged: "Why not?!"

"Because hind-sight is always 20/20."

Why do java developers always wear eyeglasses?

Because they dont C#

What do you call a happy wizard who makes eyeglasses?

Opti-Mystic

Why do you have to have a prescription for eyeglasses?

Can't you just eyeball it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two pilots with dark eyeglasses and canes walk into a plane

Everyone starts to comment on it. And a guy asks the flight attendant:
-Excuse me, but it looks that both the pilot and the co-pilot are blind, is this a joke? How are they able to pilot?
To which she answered
-I’m sorry sir, but they are the best and most experienced duo in this Airline a...

My only plan for tomorrow is to pick up my new eyeglasses

After that, I'll see what happens.

"What are you doing today, Bob?"

"This afternoon, me and wife are going to the optometrist to buy eyeglasses."

"And after that?"

"We'll see."

Apple just announced three new products: a competitor to Fleshlight, a brand of eyeglasses, and a real-time strategy game.

iCame, iSaw, iConquered

What do you call a pair of eyeglasses that questions its surroundings?

Skepticles.

I'm the reverse Clark Kent

I don't recognize anyone without my eyeglasses.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The girl took her boyfriend home and introduced him to her parents.

The guy had a bad lunch and was feeling discomfort as he was sitting at the dining table for dinner with her parents.




Suddenly he couldn't control the discomfort, and he farted. At this moment, the girl's father looked at the dog sleeping by the boyfriend's feet and yelled "Jack...

The Professor's Lecture

Professor Drobkin was about to lead a lecture in front of a large group of students and fellows at the University, and he was terribly nervous. He had never been very good at speaking in front of large audiences, so he'd practiced at home constantly with a set of notecards.

When he was summon...

A cop catches a Z4 with European plates doing 134 in upstate New York,

so the cop gets out calling for backup and shouts "Keep your hands on the wheel!" while approaching the driver's side. He instructs the driver to lower the window. It's a pale bald guy wearing a dark turtleneck and thick plastic eyeglasses.

"Ja? I vas just admiring Ihre Autobahn. There is ein...

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