UPJOKE
specificationdescriptionroadsterspecificationsstandardsxyugospecifiedlscptpspecifyingdetailspecifyz3

Spec Jokes

Finally found those German torque specs

It calls for everything to be Guten Tite

You know who I bumped into in SpecSavers today?

Everyone

The Russian government renamed Tolstoy's most famous book.

It's now called *Special Military Operation and Peace*

Why couldn't the eyeglass technician do his job?

He didn't have the specs for the specs.

Armchair

Because of her size, we had to order a specially reinforced armchair for the wife.
When it arrived, we discovered they had accidentally sent us a top spec model with a vibrating function, it even starts automatically as she approaches the chair to sit.

We called the company to tell them...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The British, American and Russian intelligence services have a spy-off

The rules are simple: a rabbit is released into a forest, and whoever finds and brings it back the fastest, wins.

The Brit goes first. He first phones some arborial informants, then dons a disguise: sporting a pair of bunny ears, a fluffy tail sticking out of his ass, skimpy black dress, full...

my favorite punchline...

"No, nurse! I said 'slip off his spectacles'!"

Two old guys talking.

Guy 1: As I get older all I need is, Spec-savers, Boots, and Greggs..


Guy 2: Yep, life is all Specs, and Drugs and Sausage rolls!!!

a change of careers

A gynecologist was bored with his job and decided he wanted a new career. He went back to college and decided to become a mechanic. After aching most of his courses, he found himself at the final exam. For his final exam, he has to rebuild an engine and reinstall it in the car. He completed the task...

What do you call a potato wearing glasses?

A Spec-tater!

Potato's in glasses are never the centre of attention.

They're just spec taters

What do you call a group of potatoes at a football game?

Spec-taters

I walked into the wrong opticians to collect my new glasses.

Should've gone to SpecSavers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are out traveling together, after a long trek, they pitch a tent and call it a night...

In the middle of the night, Sherlock nudges Watson and tells him to "look up" "tell me what you see".

*"Well..."* says Watson, *"I see the beautiful moon and the night stars all dazzling and magnificent..."*

*"I see"* says Sherlock *"Look closer"* he insists.

*"I see the infinit...

Crows

One day, about a year ago, 100 dead crows were found on the side of a motorway. Upon investigation, The crows were found to have been hit by vehicles, and were covered in specs of varying paint.

After further investigation it was also found that the paint on the crows had two different types...

If you are a woman and you like men that wear glasses...

I am full of specs appeal.

A man went to his dad's house for a weekend.

For breakfast the man ate eggs,sausage, and toast. He notices there is some food specks from the dinner the night before he asks his dad "hey dad why isn't this plate clean?" his dad responds "it's the best Cold Water could get it".

Around lunch time the man is given a sandwich and chips by h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Going down before the dentist.

A Man has a dentist appointment in the morning before work, So he knows that he has some extra time to get ready in the morning. When he wakes up and throws the covers back, he realized his wife is sleeping naked next to him. He decides, since he has some extra time, to wake her up with a pleasant s...

A king is looking for a new chief advisor.

His choices are a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer.
His test is simple: Whoever can determine the volume of a red rubber ball will be the new chief advisor, provided his explanation makes sense to the king, and that the king can trust the calculation.

The physicist goes firs...

February 29th, 2020

On February 29th of this year, something extraordinary happened.

I was walking across the road, head down, minding my own - when I heard it. This incessant, mechanical noise. Like spring-loaded footsteps. Real slow.

Far away, it came. Cascading against the city walls. A pneumatic sigh....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trucker is hauling a B-double with three containers full of computer parts.

It's getting on toward dark, and so he stops at a steakhouse for a bite.


The first thing he sees is a sign on the door:


NO THONGS


NO SINGLETS


NO NERDS


MANAGEMENT RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REFUSE ADMISSION


No nerds? Weird. But whatever...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.