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Pageant Jokes

Why did the nuclear waste worker enter the beauty pageant?

Because he was glowing.

The woman who injected her 8-year old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.

The child didn't look surprised.

My wife won a beauty pageant in Alabama last night.

I was so proud. She and I also won the loveliest father and daughter of the evening too.

The Miss Universe pageant is definitely rigged.

The winners are always from Earth.

The contestants of the Nashville beauty pageant enter the stage.

Infront of them is an audience of over 2000 and a judging panel consisting of one man, on his own, wearing an eyepatch.

Suddenly, the judge thrusts his arm out infront of him. He opens his hand out, and there, sitting in the middle of his palm is a bee staring intensely at the contestants on ...

Beauty contests are becoming a popular way to promote things. For instance, the winner of the Trigonometry Club's beauty pageant was crowned....

Miss Calculation.

Tour Leader pageant winner:
Miss Guided

Encyclopedia Brittanica pageant winner:
Miss Information

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New York held its first ever 'Tiny Penis Pageant' this weekend.

Competition was stiff, but no one could tell.

Our Christmas pageant moved online at the last minute due to COVID

So my wife is now barking orders: “I need a bathrobe for my Joseph!”

“No problem!” I replied, digging one out of the closet.

“I need a doll for my Jesus!”

“I’ll get one from the kids’ room!” I call over my shoulder, already on my way.

“I need a rustic backdrop for my in...

I’m thinking of starting a beauty pageant for women with Alzheimer’s.

The winner will be crowned Miss Remember.

Christmas Pageant

Sister Margaret's kindergarten class is performing the traditional Nativity scene for their adoring parents.

Cue the three magi.

The first little tyke bellows, "Here, I bring you a gift of gold!"

The second confidently says, "Here, I bring you myrrh!"

The third hesitate...

They held a beauty pageant for all those Fox News blondes...

And named the winner "Miss Information".

I drove four hours to attend a beauty pageant for meat products today.

Turns out it was a Miss Steak.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

National American beauty pageants should only have 49 participating states

Because no self-respecting woman should wear a sign saying Idaho

I heard beauty pageant contestants use Vaseline to make it easier to smile.

I ate the whole jar and I’m still not happy.

I was at a beekeeper beauty pageant the other day.

Their slogan was "beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder."

What's the difference between a circus and the Miss America beauty pageant?

One is a cunning array of stunts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you figure out which contestant in a Ms. America pageant is a prostitute?

Look for the one with the sash that says "I da ho".

Did you hear about the model who thought she was going to a beauty pageant? Turns out it was a kidnapping.

She was Miss Taken

When I was hiking in the woods I stumbled upon a beauty pageant jamboree.

It was pretty in tents.

My daughter entered a toddler's beauty pageant in the south.

She won the Miss Sippy Cup!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can you spot the prostitute at the Miss America pageant?

She's wearing a sash that says Idaho.

Why are there only 49 contestants in the Miss America pageant this year?

No one wanted to wear a sash that says "I-da-ho."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A history professor is lecturing his class on changing beauty standards. He shows his class a black-and-white picture of a woman who is 4'10" and has very small breasts.

"This woman won several beauty pageants in the 1930s," says the professor. "Do you think she'd do very well in a beauty pageant today?"

"Definitely not," says one of the students.

"What makes you say that?" implores the prof.

"Well," says the student, "she's very, very old today...

A Scottish man and his Korean wife take their daughter to the fair...

They walk around enjoying the sights, trying their best to blend in with the crowds. Their daughter sees a stage with a sign for a beauty pageant that says "Open entry, TRUE SCOTS ONLY!"

She drags her parents towards it, wanting to enter. They approach the official, asking how to sign her up ...

Beautiful Russian Girl

My friend Dave just met this tall beautiful Russian girl and now they are getting married. We all knew her from college except for Dave. She looks like one of those models from a beauty pageant.

To give you an idea of her beauty, On a scale from 1 to 10 , she got a 12 inches surpise for him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny was out selling apples raising money for his boy scout troop...

He's going door to door in an apartment complex and he knocks on one of the doors.

The door opens and there is standing the most stunning woman Johnny has ever seen completely naked.

Johnny stammers out "Good day lady. Would you like to buy some apples?"

The woman grabs Johnny ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently it's inappropriate for a group of white kids to put on a play of Aladdin, as it is racially insensitive and cultural appropriation. Possibly white washing.

I wonder if we'll see more Jews in Nativity Pageants come Christmas season this year.

In an American history discussion group, a professor is trying to explain how society’s idea of beauty changes with time.

“For example,” he says, “the winner of the Miss America pageant in 1921 stood five foot one, weighed only 108 pounds, and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?”



The class was silent until one woman comments, “She’d lose for sure.”...

What do you call a beauty pageant for still-borns?

Little Miss Carriage

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