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Ordinarily Jokes

People often ask why I’m so good at Dad jokes and it’s simple.

I take an ordinarily terrible pun and take it even father.

FUN AT THE PARK

Ordinarily, staring is creepy. But if you spread your attention across many individuals, then it's just people watching.

An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to ...

This guy takes his sick parrot to the vet...

The vet takes one look and says, "I'm afraid your parrot is dead."
"That's terrible," says the guy, "How can you so sure? I’d like a second opinion."
The Vet then opens the door and whistles. A Labrador bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, takes time sniffing at the parrot, looks up ...

A man goes in to see his doctor about an illness and brings his wife

After a short time, the doctor and man walk into the waiting room, and the doctor beckons the wife to talk to her privately.

“What’s the diagnosis? Is he going to be alright?” the wife asked.

“I’m afraid he isn’t looking good,” the doctor replied. “In fact, there’s a great chance he’ll...

A hunter accidently shot a sacred animal one day...

... And the devil came to him. He said 'Ordinarily, I would take you to Hell for this. However, I will let you go, as long as you are able to cope with living with 3 of the poor beasts you shot. However, you must keep them alive and close to you at all times.'

The hunter replied 'HA! Do your ...

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A tribute to the holiday season

Up until a few years ago, I would frequent a local chess club for shits and giggles. I wasn't very good at chess, but most of the people there were very into the game, knew all of the big names, went to a lot of big events, and some of them even got prize money from time to time.

Shortly befo...

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It was Friday night, and Bob was horny as all get out . . .

The problem was he only had ten dollars on him and wouldn't get paid till next week. So he goes to a brothel and pleads with the madam, "Look I swear I'm good for it! I'll come back next week and pay double!" Finally, the madam took pity on him. She led him to a room and opened the door. Sittin...

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Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

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A German engineer, an Indian engineer, and a Chinese engineer die and go to Heaven

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter is there to greet them.

"As part of our skilled migration scheme, you will each have to propose a design for a planned 200 storey mixed-use development here in Heaven. The person with the most attractive proposal will be granted entry into Heaven. You have 4 day...

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