One Way Jokes - 20 Hilarious One Way Jokes

One way to start the day.

I was washing my face this morning when I noticed that one of my nostrils was bleeding. It could be the sign of a heat stroke or third-stage lung cancer. Who nose.

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There's only one way to end a circle jerk

And that's to let it come full circle

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My wife and I only have sex one way

It's so boring just the one way we have sex. It's called doggy style.

I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

One way ticket to hell

What is Jesus favorite rock band?

9 inch nails

I only like my Uranium one way.

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What's one way to turn a mild-mannered cleaner into a raging homicidal maniac?

Tell them, "You missed a spot!"

One way streets are really poorly designed.

I mean yes they have clearly marked "one way" signs but every sign I've ever seen has been backwards and no one seems to read it anyway I always have oncoming traffic.

There's only one way to convince anti-vaxxers

Cold hard ~~facts~~ kids .

The space-race for mars is just like a one way lustful relationship

Everyone is spending millions of dollars on it and sending things over to mars just to see if its wet.

There’s only one way you can leave Vegas with a small fortune

Arrive with a big one

Well, that's one way to get out of a speeding ticket!

A police officer pulled a guy over for speeding and had the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. (Driving Under the Influence)

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
...

There is only one way Communist jokes are funny,

If everyone gets them.

There may very well be "more than one way to skin a cat" as they say...

but they never really mention why you'd NEED more than one

What do you call a bunch of rednecks driving the wrong way down a one way street?

A bad pickup line.

What do you call a person who can doesn't feel one way or another about religion?

A Meh-thodist

Here's the one way to avoid clickbait (screw the other OP!).

[Click here for the truth!](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2tjg13/heres_the_one_way_to_avoid_clickbait_screw_the/)

Jesus and Moses in Heaven

One beautiful day in Heaven, Jesus and Moses were fishing in a lake. After a while of silence, Jesus asked Moses, "Hey Moses, can you still do it? You know... 'Your thing'?" Moses then answered, "I don't know, let me see if I still got it!"

He then stood up and drew his arms forwards, and the...

God and Canadians

When God made Canadians, he made them polite, peace-loving, and nice.
But the Devil said, "you are disturbing the balance of nature".
God thought about it, and said, "you are right. But I don't want to undo my work."
Devil: "well, there is only one way to fix this."

So God created Ca...

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Two boys, Nathaniel and Daniel, are captured by a madman. Daniel is sent into a room with a one way window that only Daniel could see through. On the other side, he saw his friend, Nate, with the madman...

Nate looked very frightened but if they've learned anything together during their years of friendship is that they'll always make it out of bad situations.

The madman finishes talking to Nate and walks out of the room, Nate adopting a relieved smile on his face.

Then, the madman walks...

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Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber...

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,"You died in your sleep Ralph."

Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead?No I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!

"St Peter said," I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Ralph...

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