I accidentally swallowed a small gold nugget

So I dug through my feces to find it. My wife walked in and asked me what I was doing. I told her I was just mining my own business.

You know the saying "You are what you eat"?

Well if I eat a gold nugget will I finnaly be worth something?

There were 30 students but only 28 chicken nuggets. How many kids didn’t get nuggets?

Ten. Why? Because only twenty ate chicken nuggets.

Why did the chicken not cross the road?

It wanted to nugget hit by a car.

As I moved my hand up her leg I said, "Baby, your legs are the sauce. I'm going to name them Sweet and Sour."

And then I discovered they came with McNuggets.

What did the chicken nugget thief say to his victim?

Nothing, he just took the nugget and dipped.

What happens when you get a chicken nugget hard?

You get a chicken tender.

Ordered 4 drinks at McDonald's.....

....so they wouldn't think all 50 chicken nuggets were for me.

What do you call chicken nugget's served in a pub?

Bar-tenders

A chicken nugget walks into a bar.

The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

What do you call a senior-ranked military officer who offers nuggets of factual wisdom?

The Colonel of Truth

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Kirkland Nutra Nuggets dog chow

for my loyal pet, Brista, and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probabl...

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A NUGGET

A girl is walking down the beach when she sees a nugget crying. She says "why are crying?" and he responds, "Because I've never been kissed. But I understand, because who would want to kiss someone with no arms and no legs?" The girl, being nice, kisses him. The next day, the girl is walking down th...

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Gus the Accountant

Gus has been doing accountancy for like 35 years and he's sick of it.

So Gus decides he wants some adventure in his life, so he's going to become a prospector.

Everyday he studies geology, he learns how to drive a big truck and operate an excavator and he starts selling up everything h...

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An innocent young woman is sitting with her mother before going to spend the night with her boyfriend.

She is nervous about what's going to happen because the man is her first boyfriend and the first time she'll ever spend a night away from home.

Her overly protective mother looks meaningfully into her daughter's eyes and said, "Honey, when you go to bed tonight, your boyfriend is going to wan...

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An old prospector finds a gold nugget...

Excited to have a little cash and looking to celebrate, he gets on his donkey and rides it down into town. He walks into the saloon, has some whisky, and then says, "Bartender, you got any women around here?" The bartender says, "Nope. But we got old Fred in the back." The prospector looks disgusted...

Mary's boyfriend called Mary on her birthday...

Mary - m boyfriend - b

b: hey honey

m: hey

b:do you remember that mall we went to last month?

m : yes?

b : and you saw a jewelry shop there?

m : yes?

b : and you really wanted that ring?

m (starting to get a bit exited) : yes?

b : but w...

I took a road trip to Alaska.

I took a trip to Alaska and stopped at a resort that lets you rent out gold pans that let you sort out gold in their river. They let you keep what you find.

Excited, I go out to find some plunder. I sat there searching for hours, and I couldn’t find a single speck.

When I walked into ...

Why did the infertile chicken cross the road?

She wanted to take adavantage of Burger King's 10 piece special. She now has lil nuggets of her own.

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A man heard a voice in his head

A man came hime from work and was tired. As he was falling asleep, he heard a voice in his head. "Quit your job, sell your house, take the money and go to Vegas". He didn't think much of it and just went to sleep.

The next few days, he heard the same voice in his head say the same thing. "Qu...

What do you call a chicken with no legs and no wings?

A chicken nugget

Netflix is making a sequel to Bird Box.

It's called Chicken McNuggets.

Skinny dipping involves a swimming pool.

Fat dipping involves a ranch cup and chicken nuggets.

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I’m not a little boy any more

On a boys birthday he says to his mother I’m not a little boy anymore, the mother nods and understands.

Well, the mother says for dinner I guess you don’t want chicken nuggets anymore.

No, no, no, says the boy but instead I can have a grown up knife and fork.

Well, the mother s...

A Man walkes into a bar...

He orders a drink and get's aware of a bucket full of gold nuggets standing behind the barman. He askes him about that. He replies:

"Well you can win this bucket, by fulfilling three tasks:

At first I gonna give you a full pint of whiskey and you have to drink it all by one.
Seco...

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A hideous little orc is in the kingdom's capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn't leave.
He finds and alchemist's medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother's illness.

"Ah, but of course!" says the alchemist, "It's clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It's not very common at...

Staking a claim

In 1897 a young man set out for adventure from the frontier city of Seattle. He'd risked his entire life savings to make the trek to the Yukon to prospect for gold.

He started his journey full of excitement and hope. he'd purchased his 2,000lbs of gear and supplies and two fine stock horses t...

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No arms. No legs.

One day a girl decides to go running on the beach. She comes across a man with no arms and no legs laying in the sand. The man is sobbing uncontrollably, so the girl asks him "why are you crying sir?". The nugget man controls his tears and says "I've never been hugged before". So the girl picks him ...

I have an eating disorder...

I'm about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.

[OC, be gentle] Ronald McDonald snuck up on a Happy Meal and said, "Serve fries!!!"

The Happy Meal replied, "Nugget out of my face."

The chairman of Perdue Chicken goes to the Vatican to meet the pope.

Jim Perdue, CEO of Perdue Chicken, goes to the Vatican to meet the pope. He says "Pope Francis, it is an honor to meet you. As you know, I am a devoted Catholic, and I'm bringing a generous donation today - 2 million dollars - and in return I simply ask you hear a proposal."

Pope Francis sa...

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A prospector finds gold...

A prospector is mining for gold in Alaska when he finally manages to find a large portion of gold nuggets. Overcome with happiness he decides to celebrate. He goes off into town and into an inn where he asks for the roughest, toughest, meanest prostitute they have. The bartender tells him to go room...

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