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Nickels Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I had a nickel for every time I didn’t know what was going on...

...I’d be like “why do I keep getting all these fucking nickels?”

Upon Arriving Home, A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it...
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went withou...

My parrot is allergic to nickel

so I bought him a Nickeless Cage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The last nickel

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the ...

Update on the kid who swallowed 5 nickels.

No change yet!

If I had a nickel for every woman that found me attractive…

I’d have 2 nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said “I’m confused” ...

I’d be thinking “where the fuck did all these nickels come from?”

I always carry 2 nickels and 2 pennies

So that way I'll never be so poor that I don't have 2 nickels to rub together, and I gain always put my 2 cents in on a situation.

A man orders a coffee

A man enters a bar and the bartender comes over and asks "Can I help you sir?".

The man answers "What does a cup of coffee cost in this place?".

The bartender says "That would be $2.60".

"Alright, I'll have one." says the client and he takes 26 dimes out of his wallet and he thr...

Quarters and nickels fall from the sky...

Me: what is this?

Climate: change.

My friend bought a belt with a strap made out of dollar bills and a buckle made out of dimes and nickels.

What a waist of money.

If I had a nickel for every time I was bad at math

I would have um...

I would...

I'd have um...

I'd have a lot of nickels alright

A little boy swallows a nickel.

His mother panics and starts hitting him hard on the back. Suddenly he coughs up two dimes. She doesn't know what to do so she calls her husband.

"Junior swallowed a nickel, and when I patted him on the back he coughed up two dimes. What do I do?" she cried.

"Keep feeding him nickels!"...

A soldier defied a superior officer and was confined to quarters

He had to turn in his pennies, nickels, dimes, and all paper money.

The other day I asked someone what makes pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters. They replied "A coin machine".

I said "That makes cents."

My dad gave me a one dollar bill because I’m his smartest son.

My dad gave me a one dollar bill
because I'm his smartest son,
and I swapped it for two shiny quarters because two is more than one!

And then I took the quarters
and traded them to Lou,
for three dimes -- I guess he don't know that three is more than two!

Just then, along c...

How do you break up a boomer fight?

How do you break up a boomer fight?

Throw two nickels in opposite corners of the room.

What did the robot say to the guy running the tattoo shop?

I'd like to get my nickels pierced.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three priests we’re traveling to Pittsburgh

The leader says to the first priest, take this money to the counter and get us three tickets to Pittsburgh and get the change in nickels and dimes.

The first priest heads to the counter and sees an absolutely stunning beautiful girl - wearing a tight thin t-shirt that reveals very clearly he...

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