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Netflix Jokes

Netflix: Do you want to watch a 10-hour movie?

Me: No way! Are you insane?

Netflix: How about I break up the movie into ten 1-hour episodes and you see them all in one sitting?

Me: I am in!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The skip intro button on Netflix is so cool.

I wish Tinder had it too.

Quarantine is like a Netflix series

When you think it’s over, another season gets released

I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night

It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next

Netflix has ceased operation in Russia.

Now Russians have Nyetflix

Netflix is soon releasing an extremely realistic documentary series about the life of Abraham Lincoln.

The finale is shot before a live audience.

We should let Netflix run the next pandemic…

…they don’t let anything last more than three seasons.

I wasn't sure that Netflix would ever find success producing their own content. Then again...

Stranger Things have happened.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.

She says “Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.”

Out of nowhere, her sexy sister comes in and sits by me.

She asks “Do you want to have sex before she gets back?”

I got up and went straight to my car.

My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said ...

Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally....

So I was like na, more like pirate and booty.

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I heard there was a documentary on Netflix about the clitoris

I couldn’t find it.

My wife is like Netflix

She has regional content I don’t have access to.

My wife has been addicted to Netflix lately and has started to ignore me...

...So I went ahead and renewed the subscription for another 10 years.

What’s the best part of a Netflix original?

The second half of this joke has been canceled by netflix

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What did Netflix do when they found uncensored shots of Sandra Bullock's vagina in Bird Box?

Bandersnatch.

I'm sorry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex Ed in 2015

Remember kids, 'Netflix and Chill' is only one "D" away from 'Netflix and Child.'

Netflix’s new live-action anime adaption “One Piece” bombs despite majority positive reviews from critics and audiences

The studio blames their poor numbers off the series glorifying piracy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We should have a TV show where illegal immigrants hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship

We can call it "Alien vs Predator"

\[EDIT\]: Wow I can't believe the amount of people who would want to make it a reality. *Netflix if your seeing this post you know what to do.*

**If you want, you may follow this post - I may update it in the future if something exciting happens.** <...

I heard Netflix and Yahoo are merging. They are moving their HQ to Jerusalem.

They'll be known as Net 'n' Yahoo.

I was amazed by the Netflix show "You"

Sometimes, all i think about is You, late nights in the middle of June.

I love Netflix's audio logo

It's the best part of most of their original content.

Chris Rock's new comedy special just came out on Netflix

it slaps

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why will Pornhub not crash when Netflix does?

It is experienced with big loads.

Netflix has devised the perfect way to stop the distribution of pirated movies

They now block all movies with an IMDB rating of 3.14 ;)

Pi-rated .. sorry ;)

Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"?

She probably gets royalties

If Netflix ran the world, a year would only be 6 months...

Cause it would end after 2 seasons.

My wife said, “The Last of Us is a strange show, don’t you agree?”

Me: Yeah, but I’ve seen Stranger Things on Netflix.

I just finished watching a murder biopic on Netflix and some of those cops were really, really dumb.

The serial killer was Dahmer though.

I don't understand how people can spend hours binging netflix

Surely it's the first search result

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mee and my girlfriend wanted to see a series on Netflix...

She told me she wanted to see Vampire Diary, but I wanted to see La Casa De Papel so I told her "Fine, who ever has the biggest penis gets to choose whatever series they want."



So yea Vampire Diary is a nice show after all

Almost done watching that Netflix special on Epstein.

I hope it doesn’t leave me hanging.

I dumped my girlfriend after she falsely claimed Netflix was the cheapest streaming service.

I refuse to associate with a Hulu-cost denier.

What’s the difference between Netflix and a Bass guitar?

Netflix has Stranger Things 4 and a Bass guitar has 4 Strange Strings.

Netflix has been making some questionable decisions on its content

Then again, I've seen Stranger Things

Did everyone hear about the new Beastie Boys documentary coming to Netflix?

The 5-part series will release parts A through D this winter. Upon completion, viewers are required to fight for their right to part E.

So they made a documentary on Netflix about Madeline McCann....

8 episodes, roughly 8 hours, and if you watched it you watched her more than her parents did.

Netflix invites a famous r/jokes poster to their new stand-up show

As the r/jokes arrives at the show hall with the other comedians the director of the programs asks his new star "So r/jokes poster. What will your jokes be?"
to which the r/jokes poster responds:
"You'll see - Just let other comedians go first!"

I really enjoyed that Weather show on Netflix

All 4 seasons of it

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I noticed that Netflix has a comedy channel called "Netflix is a Joke"

They should make a porn channel and call it "Netflix Sucks"

Netflix’s new subscription fees are so high I’ve had to stop paying the heating bill,

Brings a whole new meaning to Netflix and chill…

Netflix and Amazon Prime are no longer available in Afghanistan.

Because of the telly ban.

Did you hear about the Netflix series Summer to Winter?

It never got a 5th season.

Netflix's latest movie.

Netflix have released a powerful new film set in the 18th century about a princess who's cursed by non-stop menstruation . The witch who cursed her says she has before the age of 21 to lift the curse by falling in love.



Honestly, it's a fantastic period drama.

My parents saw me pirating movies and asked if I ever use Netflix.

I said, of course, I always usenet flicks!

What does a left handed person and Netflix have in common?

They can't do anything Right.

My ex was just like my Netflix account

Shared by five dudes

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For those who don't understand why management at Netflix has collectively shit the bed.

It's a Heard mentality.

I was browsing through Netflix with my cooking teacher.

She said, "I don't know what we should watch."

I said, "Would you consider Squid Game?"

She said, "No, because it isn't wild meat."

Netflix announced it will be producing another 4 part docu-series on epilepsy

Don't miss the all new seiz'n

Netflix is launching in Russia, but with a very limited catalogue.

They're calling it Nyetflix.

I want to get into comedy, perhaps secure a Netflix special for myself.

Not necessarily because I am a funny man, but rather because I am a money fan.

Your mom is like Netflix

For 15 bucks we can be 4 on it

I saw a little boy at the bus stop eating a giant chocolate Easter bunny. I said, "Hey kid, eating that much chocolate at one time is bad for you." He looked me in the eye and said, "Well, my grandpa lived to 103."

"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"

"No, he minded his own damn business."

**Edit:** Credit where due -- [/u/samvet21 informs me](/r/Jokes/comments/8cnjvk/i_saw_a_little_boy_at_the_bus_stop_eating_a_giant/dxhf9ku/) that the original joke was by Philadelphia comedian [Todd Gl...

I forgot the Netflix password.

Who here remembers it?

Netflix writers have so many different shows to deal with...

They have trouble keeping all their characters straight.

Never thought Netflix would produce an award-winning series watched by tens of millions around the world. But hey...

Stranger Things have happened.

Last night I watched Dunkirk on Netflix

I was really disappointed when I found out it wasn't a William Shatner biopic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy loses his penis in an accident.

He asks the doctor if there’s any hope of reconstruction. The doctor says “Sure. There have been a lot of medical advancements lately, but it’s not cheap.”

“How much does it cost?” asked the man.

“About $1,000 an inch. You should probably discuss this with your wife and let me know wha...

Limmerick from The Crown on Netflix

There once was a girl named Sally

Who enjoyed the occasional dally

She sat on the lap

Of a well-endowed chap

And cried "Sir! You're right up my alley."

My girlfriend and I watched 3 movies back to back on Netflix

Good thing I was facing the TV.

Netflix’s original content has some stiff competition.

I heard they’re shooting something at YouTube HQ today.

Has anyone watched “The Platform” on netflix....?

I couldn’t finish it to be honest, it was disturbing on so many levels.

Good bye Netflix and Chill

It’s now Disney Plus You and Me

I was playing a flat earth documentary on Netflix when my wife walked in.

What you watching?

Sci-fi.

What’s Netflix’s biggest competitor?

Sleep.

My girlfriend is like my Netflix account

I pay for it and all my friends get to use it.

Netflix is producing a documentary about the end of BlockBuster....

Thats like if the school shooters produced "Bowling for Columbine"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't bother with that new program on netflix about subliminal persuasion, it's fucking garbage.

I turned it off after just five seasons.

You may have heard of Netflix and Chill,

But have you heard of ABC and get the D?

Life is pretty much like Netflix

If you eliminate your standards completely, there's more to enjoy

Pureflix is known as the Christian Netflix. They missed a big opportunity by not calling themselves...

**...Cruciflix**

What did everyone think of the Challenger documentary on Netflix?

I only saw bits and pieces.

What do the Irish have instead of Netflix & Chill?

Meet & Potatoes

What if Netflix doubled as a dating service

Like “here are 7 other singles close by that also watched That 70's Show for 8 hours straight.”

Why did all the MARVEL Netflix shows disappear?

SNAP!

Who is the strongest Defender from Netflix?

Iron Fist. He was able to take down all the others by himself

I should have my own netflix series,

Cause gee do I have alot of episodes.

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An atheist dies, goes to hell, and finds himself in a lush park with butterflies.

His physical body has transformed back into its prime and he's then greeted by Satan who says "Why hello there! Welcome to hell. Let me show you around, you're gonna love it here."

Satan points to a nice house and says "what do you think of this house?" The atheist replies "It's beautiful, I ...

I like it when Netflix do Scifi shows.

I hope they continuum

Netflix is cracking down on password sharing as it turns out one-third of users share logins

Recent news from the company shows they are not worried about the other two-thirds who are Redditors with no friends

Netflix is creating a movie about Reddit starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

It will be called *Total Repost*.

What do Netflix and diarrhea have in common?

They’re both red and black...I probably need to see a doctor...

I left my wife for the same reason I left Netflix...

Too many period dramas.

AMA request! Someone who actually pays for Netflix.

Instead of using their brothers ex girlfriends sisters moms password.

I was watching the Ted Bundy tapes on Netflix

When he was first arrested, the police departments from the different states got together in a hotel to have a conference and share knowledge with each other.


It was the world’s first Ted Talk.

Did you hear about the diver who died after Netflix and chill with a whale?

In his defense, it ain’t called a blowhole for nothing

Netflix announced another karate kid spinoff, this time the dojo trains insufferable whiney entitled children.

It's called Cobra Caillou.

My friend asked me for one good reason why he should get a Netflix subscription.

I told him 13 reasons why.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why buy Netflix, Hulu, or Disney plus when you can go on pornhub

its, hands down, the best "up and coming" streaming service

I gave my dog my Netflix password

Which ended up being problematic. See, I'm raising him to be an atheist. I came home one day to find him sitting on the couch upset. He said "My whole life is a lie, you've lying to me. I just found out where all dogs go."

Netflix tried to get the Jeffrey Dahmer tapes...

...but it was going to cost them an arm *and* a leg.

Haters, Amy Schumer just got another Netflix special announced, who's laughing now

^(still nobody)

Was watching Netflix with my friend when the new sink I ordered finally reached my house.

So I said to him, "I'm going to pause to let that sink in".

Why is Westeros like a Netflix original?

There's only two seasons and there are years between them.

Netflix has asked viewers to please stop referring to Ted Bundy as "Hot"

As he was electrocuted in 1989, they are fairly certain he has cooled off by now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't think I'll ever understand college kids and their "Netflix and chill" slang...

...when are they gonna realize they can fuck each other without paying $10 a month?

Can you imagine Netflix making a TV show about storming Area 51?

But then again, Stranger Things has happened

I asked a friend over for Netflix and Chill and put on Toy Story

Within 30 minutes I had a friend in me




all credit goes to u/APater6076

Netflix reminds me of my girlfriend

Probably because it's constantly asking me if I'm still here.

Or maybe because it's not a real human being.

Netflix is making a show about a shrub, based on a Twitter account. Some people are excited, but I'm not sure...

It seems like a corporate plant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My cute roommate and I are stuck in quarantine, sitting on the couch watching Netflix. [NSFW]

"I really want to watch this documentary on this Olympic runner," she says. "But fair warning: the guy is so attractive, I might not be able to stop myself from masturbating."


"Usain Bolt?" I asked.


"No, I'm saying stay..."

I tried "Netflix and chill?" on my wife.

We're now on season 3 of Gilmore Girls.

What did Dr Dre say to his wife during Netflix and chill?

Hope you're ready for the next episode

Why are people praising Netflix and Youtube for promising to reduce video quality during the pandemic?

Reddit has been doing it for years already.

I watched a gripping rock-climbing documentary on netflix the other day

It was great but it ended on a cliffhanger

I haven’t watched the Epstein docu-series on Netflix but I already know the ending.

He didn’t kill himself.

That new Madeleine McCann documentary on Netflix was great and all...

It just felt like there was something still missing...

The best part about Netflix is there are no commercials.

On an unrelated note, does anyone know how to get urine stains out of a couch?

Which Netflix show best sums up America today?

Orange Is the New Black.

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