Quarantine is like a Netflix series

When you think it’s over, another season gets released

Netflix is launching in Russia, but with a very limited catalogue.

They're calling it Nyetflix.

Did you hear about that new Netflix series about a chemistry teacher that finds out he has cancer and secretly opens a bakery to provide for his family when he's gone?

It's called Baking Bread.

Netflix is soon releasing an extremely realistic documentary series about the life of Abraham Lincoln.

The finale is shot before a live audience.

Netflix and Amazon Prime are no longer available in Afghanistan.

Because of the telly ban.

Netflix is making a show about a shrub, based on a Twitter account. Some people are excited, but I'm not sure...

It seems like a corporate plant.

I was playing a flat earth documentary on Netflix when my wife walked in.

What you watching?

Sci-fi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mee and my girlfriend wanted to see a series on Netflix...

She told me she wanted to see Vampire Diary, but I wanted to see La Casa De Papel so I told her "Fine, who ever has the biggest penis gets to choose whatever series they want."



So yea Vampire Diary is a nice show after all

I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night

It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next

My ex was just like my Netflix account

Shared by five dudes

Almost done watching that Netflix special on Epstein.

I hope it doesn’t leave me hanging.

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I heard there was a documentary about clitoris on Netflix

I couldn't find it.

Netflix writers have so many different shows to deal with...

They have trouble keeping all their characters straight.

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That new program on netflix about subliminal persuasion and mind control is a load of boring shit.

Turned it off after just five seasons.

Netflix is cracking down on password sharing as it turns out one-third of users share logins

Recent news from the company shows they are not worried about the other two-thirds who are Redditors with no friends

Netflix is producing a documentary about the end of BlockBuster....

Thats like if the school shooters produced "Bowling for Columbine"

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The skip intro button on Netflix is so cool.

I wish Tinder had it too.

Netflix's latest movie.

Netflix have released a powerful new film set in the 18th century about a princess who's cursed by non-stop menstruation . The witch who cursed her says she has before the age of 21 to lift the curse by falling in love.



Honestly, it's a fantastic period drama.

The follow up to the Netflix movie “Cuties”, has been announced.

Its a prequel.

Last night I watched Dunkirk on Netflix

I was really disappointed when I found out it wasn't a William Shatner biopic.

I just saw a headline that read “The 10 Worst Netflix movies of 2020”

...There’s only 10?

I wasn't sure that Netflix would ever find success producing their own content. Then again...

Stranger Things have happened.

Pureflix is known as the Christian Netflix. They missed a big opportunity by not calling themselves...

**...Cruciflix**

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My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.

She says “Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.”

Out of nowhere, her sexy sister comes in and sits by me.

She asks “Do you want to have sex before she gets back?”

I got up and went straight to my car.

My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said ...

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Why will Pornhub not crash when Netflix does?

It is experienced with big loads.

Movie night

We wanted to "Netflix and chill" last night, so my wife asked me to put on a movie called " scent of a woman". I could not find it so I put on the next best thing...." A fish called Wanda"

Netflix announced another karate kid spinoff, this time the dojo trains insufferable whiney entitled children.

It's called Cobra Caillou.

Was watching Netflix with my friend when the new sink I ordered finally reached my house.

So I said to him, "I'm going to pause to let that sink in".

Netflix and Disney should just join forces to create the most controversial movie ever: a young girl becomes infatuated with makeup and skimpy outfits, but first she must save China from the threat of the Uighur.

Call it *Mulan Rouge*

What did everyone think of the Challenger documentary on Netflix?

I only saw bits and pieces.

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What did Netflix do when they found uncensored shots of Sandra Bullock's vagina in Bird Box?

Bandersnatch.

I'm sorry.

My friend asked me for one good reason why he should get a Netflix subscription.

I told him 13 reasons why.

Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally....

So I was like na, more like pirate and booty.

My boss came into the store yesterday

I was working alone and there were at least 5 people in there. That is when my boss walked in, clearly in a bad mood. He walked right up to me and said, "You're fired!" I couldn't believe it, and in the middle of a rush. I immediately paused Netflix and asked, "Why?"

Many veterans experience PTSD from the loud bangs of fireworks around holidays like 4th of July and New Years. My advice to them is to use noise-cancelling headphones, Netflix, and pharmaceutical-grade weed.

Just like the children of Kabul.

What do the Irish have instead of Netflix & Chill?

Meet & Potatoes

The newest sci-fi movie on Netflix is about a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life.

Alien versus Redditor.

3 months since I had COVID and I’ve still got very little sense of taste.

Sometimes I just find myself settling down on the sofa, opening up Netflix and sticking on Friends

Depressed people's favorite Netflix category

is "watch again"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I noticed that Netflix has a comedy channel called "Netflix is a Joke"

They should make a porn channel and call it "Netflix Sucks"

I dumped my girlfriend after she falsely claimed Netflix was the cheapest streaming service.

I refuse to associate with a Hulu-cost denier.

Your mom is like Netflix

For 15 bucks we can be 4 on it

Netflix: are you still watching?

No. But I cannot be left alone with my thoughts.

Limmerick from The Crown on Netflix

There once was a girl named Sally

Who enjoyed the occasional dally

She sat on the lap

Of a well-endowed chap

And cried "Sir! You're right up my alley."

Never thought Netflix would produce an award-winning series watched by tens of millions around the world. But hey...

Stranger Things have happened.

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My cute roommate and I are stuck in quarantine, sitting on the couch watching Netflix. [NSFW]

"I really want to watch this documentary on this Olympic runner," she says. "But fair warning: the guy is so attractive, I might not be able to stop myself from masturbating."


"Usain Bolt?" I asked.


"No, I'm saying stay..."

So they made a documentary on Netflix about Madeline McCann....

8 episodes, roughly 8 hours, and if you watched it you watched her more than her parents did.

Why are people praising Netflix and Youtube for promising to reduce video quality during the pandemic?

Reddit has been doing it for years already.

I haven’t watched the Epstein docu-series on Netflix but I already know the ending.

He didn’t kill himself.

Has anyone watched “The Platform” on netflix....?

I couldn’t finish it to be honest, it was disturbing on so many levels.

What do Netflix and diarrhea have in common?

They’re both red and black...I probably need to see a doctor...

“According to a new report, Netflix is losing subscribers and 130,000 people have stopped watching.

It all happened after one guy changed his password.”

.

- Credit: Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (a rare actually good joke by Fallon I heard while my mom was watching)

I see your Netflix and chill and I raise you...

Disney+ and thrust

Did you hear about the diver who died after Netflix and chill with a whale?

In his defense, it ain’t called a blowhole for nothing

I forgot the Netflix password.

Who here remembers it?

Just watched the Netflix documentary on Chewbacca's porcelain talents...

It's called "Hairy Potter".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why buy Netflix, Hulu, or Disney plus when you can go on pornhub

its, hands down, the best "up and coming" streaming service

I asked a friend over for Netflix and Chill and put on Toy Story

Within 30 minutes I had a friend in me




all credit goes to u/APater6076

What’s Netflix’s biggest competitor?

Sleep.

Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"?

She probably gets royalties

Netflix has asked viewers to please stop referring to Ted Bundy as "Hot"

As he was electrocuted in 1989, they are fairly certain he has cooled off by now.

Haters, Amy Schumer just got another Netflix special announced, who's laughing now

^(still nobody)

Can you imagine Netflix making a TV show about storming Area 51?

But then again, Stranger Things has happened

I left my wife for the same reason I left Netflix...

Too many period dramas.

Netflix’s original content has some stiff competition.

I heard they’re shooting something at YouTube HQ today.

H.P. Lovecraft just signed up for netflix...

Next he'll get Cthulhu.

Netflix is creating a movie about Reddit starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

It will be called *Total Repost*.

My girlfriend is like my Netflix account

I pay for it and all my friends get to use it.

This Valentine's Day, 1 in 3 people will be crying into a bag of popcorn while watching Netflix alone.

Not me, though. I can't afford a subscription.

Why did all the MARVEL Netflix shows disappear?

SNAP!

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I don't think I'll ever understand college kids and their "Netflix and chill" slang...

...when are they gonna realize they can fuck each other without paying $10 a month?

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A man returns home…

…and finds his wife dressed in a sexy lingerie.

Wife: You want to change positions tonight?
Husband: Yeah!
Wife: Ok, you do the dishes and I'll sit on the couch and watch Netflix!

Netflix is making a sequel to Bird Box.

It's called Chicken McNuggets.

What if Netflix doubled as a dating service

Like “here are 7 other singles close by that also watched That 70's Show for 8 hours straight.”

My girlfriend and I watched 3 movies back to back on Netflix

Good thing I was facing the TV.

I like it when Netflix do Scifi shows.

I hope they continuum

I should have my own netflix series,

Cause gee do I have alot of episodes.

Who is the strongest Defender from Netflix?

Iron Fist. He was able to take down all the others by himself

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The interactive Netflix film Bandersnatch was so successful, they're creating another interactive film all about Donald Trump.

It's called Grabbed-her-snatch.

My local church held a Netflix and Chastity event

31 people registered as going, but nobody came

I watched a gripping rock-climbing documentary on netflix the other day

It was great but it ended on a cliffhanger

I was watching the Ted Bundy tapes on Netflix

When he was first arrested, the police departments from the different states got together in a hotel to have a conference and share knowledge with each other.


It was the world’s first Ted Talk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Gunny's Gun (a military joke)...

U.S. Armed Services recruiting efforts are slipping. They've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail.

So, the Joint Chiefs of Staff all get together one day at a tavern in Washington D.C. to brainstorm a solution. After many hours of back an...

What's the difference between a frog giving a speech and the worst thing Netflix has ever done?

One is Ribbit Ribbit the other is Reboot Reboot.

I liked the new show Bonding on Netflix but it was too short.

Just like Fred.

For centuries, scientists said “Drake and Josh” couldn’t come to Hulu or Netflix

But they found a way, they found a way

Coming in 2019: a new interactive Netflix experience that shows what happens to society when all crimes are legal, and the entire thing is available live streaming. The series you can't miss, it's...

Binging and Purging

That new Madeleine McCann documentary on Netflix was great and all...

It just felt like there was something still missing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Japanese version of Netflix and Chill

is Hentai with Senpai

I was just about to watch Armageddon on Netflix, when my subscription expired.

"Ah well," I thought. "It's not the end of the world."

Why did Netflix lose 250 dollars?

Because all of Mo'Niques fans cancelled their subscription.

What did Dr Dre say to his wife during Netflix and chill?

Hope you're ready for the next episode

The perfect AI

Some many years into the future...

Scientist : Yessss!!!! After years of work, I have finally created the perfect AI humanoid. This robot has its own brain and can think and do exactly like a human being. Can't wait to try it out.

He switches humanoid on and thinks of a challenging t...

I gave my dog my Netflix password

Which ended up being problematic. See, I'm raising him to be an atheist. I came home one day to find him sitting on the couch upset. He said "My whole life is a lie, you've lying to me. I just found out where all dogs go."

Christmas Cheer

Just texted my Girlfriend to see if she was coming over tonight after her family Christmas celebration.

She texted, "Let me guess, Netflix and chill."

I responded, "No baby, I upgraded to Disney Plus and Thrust"

AMA request! Someone who actually pays for Netflix.

Instead of using their brothers ex girlfriends sisters moms password.

Netflix tried to get the Jeffrey Dahmer tapes...

...but it was going to cost them an arm *and* a leg.

Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?

I think it's called Two Baroque Girls

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's this guy that does nothing but masturbate and watch Netflix all day...

Oh wait... That's me.

The best part about Netflix is there are no commercials.

On an unrelated note, does anyone know how to get urine stains out of a couch?

Life is pretty much like Netflix

If you eliminate your standards completely, there's more to enjoy

I finally watched that Netflix sci-fi show that everyone is watching...

I keep hearing from everyone that it's a very wierd show, but to be honest, I've seen stranger things.

As a social justice warrior, you all offend me. I am going to cancel each and every one of you.

Starting with your netflix account.

TIL That in 2014 Netflix announced they wouldn't be pursuing science-fiction themed original content.

But Stranger Things have happened.

I'm gonna pitch a show to Netflix, called"Speak No Evil"

Its about mimes that commit murder

Why is Westeros like a Netflix original?

There's only two seasons and there are years between them.

I was browsing Netflix the other day, and Happened upon the Amy Schumer special "Inside Amy Schumer." Looks like they couldn't use the original title idea due to copyright issues:

'Wide Open Spaces'

I tried "Netflix and chill?" on my wife.

We're now on season 3 of Gilmore Girls.

What do lonely single ladies do on a Friday night?

Netflix and Jill.

At what point during a Netflix and Chill should you start touching her?

Immediately after the Weinstein Company logo flashes across the screen

Just found out there is a whole series on Netflix about this year's election results.

Orange is the new black.

Netflix is replacing its star ratings with thumbs up and thumbs down.

Whether you like it, or not.

Netflix the clairvoyant!

Donald Trump is raking in the votes and winning primaries like we haven't seen since 2008 when Obama started his sweep of the nation.

Which proves that Netflix was right all along...

Orange is the new Black.

Which Netflix show best sums up America today?

Orange Is the New Black.

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