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Musical Instruments Jokes

My ex used to hit me with musical instruments

I didn't know that she had a history of violins.

Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Please don’t become angry and resort to violins if you don’t notice.

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Read it slowly.

What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments?

An orca-stra.

Want to hear a joke about musical instruments?

I'm not hearing a pia-no...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call incels lying about their ability to play musical instruments to impress sexy e-girls?

A simp-phony

A bunch of hooligans are smashing up my shop and stealing musical instruments

Damn luters!

Accordion to studies, its very easy to hide musical instruments in every day sentences.

I find that harp to belive though.

"All the shops have been smashed open, there was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?"

"Yeah," said Rincewind. "Luters, I expect."

* Terry Pratchett, *The Light Fantastic*

I like musical instruments that you blow into. They're pretty...

*Breathtaking*

What happened to Hawaii when it lost all of its musical instruments?

It became an a cappellago.

I asked my priest which musical instruments he plays.

"Mostly just piano," he replied, "but when I'm at work I sometimes dabble with a little organ."

After hearing me sing, my music teacher said that I should be tenor.

Ten or twelve feet away from all musical instruments at all times.

You hear in his will Prince left a bunch of large musical instruments to churches?

Turns out he was *a big organ donor.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor visit.

Had to go to the Doctors yesterday, doctor said strip off, he immediately mentioned the fact that my genitalia was perfectly shaped like a saxophone...

I explained that it was a family trait and we all had genitalia shaped like musical instruments.

He was amazed and said, "Well in 27 y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had to go to the doctor's the other day, for a full examination.

While I was naked, he remarked how much my genitalia resembled a saxophone. I told him it was a family trait, we all had private parts that looked like musical instruments.


"Most remarkable" he mused, " I can't remember seeing anything like it in 30 years, apart from that one lady who's...

One day a horse is watching a music video [Long]

One day a horse is watching a music video and decides that he himself, wants to make a music video.



In preparation, he goes to the phone book and looks up a local music teacher. He calls him up and says


"Hey, I saw that you teach musical instruments, and I really want to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saxophone penis...

A guy goes to the doctors with a problem with his penis. The doctor takes a look and his penis is shaped uncannily like a saxophone.



"Wow,", the doctor exclaims,"that's incredible."



"Yes,", replies the guy,"in my family, we all have genitals that resemble various musica...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Musical Octopus

A guy walks into a bar carrying a bucket.

Bartender ask's "what's in the bucket"?

Guy say " it's my octopus and he plays musical instruments ".

Bartender says " bullshit "

Guys says " I bet you free drinks, he will play whatever you got "

Bartender says " fine, her...

There was once a billionaire philanthropist with a curious idea....

"What would happen if he gave modern musical instruments to tribal people who have never been in contact with the outer world? He decided to do just that, and to return after 10 years. The tribesmen were given an electric guitar, bass, a drum kit, digital keys, everything needed to make music with o...

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