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Military Officer Jokes

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An army captain approaches a prostitute and asks her, "Would you enjoy my company for $100?"...

She looks at the handsome military officer and says, "Of course, I would be glad!"

Captain replies, "COMPANY! FORWARD!"

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Military officer got caught masterbating on a Zoom call

You could say it was an honourable discharge.

How can you tell what rank a Russian military officer is?

The number of stripes on their tracksuit

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Why are military officers orders vague

Because they always talk in General terms

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A military officer by the name of Major Bed had arrived in Thailand for an undercover job...

For the job to be an utmost success, he needed to get plastic surgery to change his identity a bit as well as a new ID. He found a renowned doctor who also made fake ID's and made an appointment for the next day.

After he made the appointment, he had the full day to fuck around so he decided ...

What do you call a military officer who knows everything about anything?

General Knowledge.

What do you call a senior-ranked military officer who offers nuggets of factual wisdom?

The Colonel of Truth

A young woman brought her boyfriend home to meet her father, a retired military officer.

The woman was nervous because her boyfriend was a conscientious objector.
When the father asked the young man to talk about himself, the latter replied, nervously, that he was a CO.
The father clapped the young man on the back and congratulated him, thinking the latter was a commanding o...

What do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician?

General Ken OB

With age comes wisdom...

A 70 year old retired Military officer had one hobby - he loved to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' he looked around and couldn't see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, ''Pick me up.'

He...

Punny Ant Jokes

What is the dumbest ant?
Ignorant.

What is the bossier ant?
Tyrant.

How many insects does it take to make a landlord?
Ten ants.

What ant is the biggest?
Elephant.

What ant is a military officer?
Sergeant.

The year is 1945...

The Soviet army is pushing closer to Berlin with each day. As they march closer, they start to find the concentration camps. In one of these camps, a Polish man with a limited knowledge of the Russian language is talking to Russian military officers about the camps, with assistance from a translator...

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman try to join the special forces.

For the final test the men are each given a gun and told they must go into a room and kill their wife. First the englishman goes in and after 5 minutes comes out crying saying he just cant do it. The scotsman goes in next and after 10 minutes he come out crying that he just cant do it. Finally the i...

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