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Messe Jokes

What did the baker say when he messed up his recipe?

Dough!

messed up movie

Me:Dude,you should see the movie i watched yesterday.It is messed up.


Friend:Well whats it about?


Me:Its about a guy whose wife is brutally murdered,leaving his son physically disabled and in a twisted turn of events his son gets kidnapped and he has to find his sons kidnap...

I hate that September, October, November, and December are somehow the 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th months of the calendar year

Whoever messed that up ought to be stabbed

Did you hear about the blind Rabbi who messed up the circumcision?

He got the sack...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night, my wife said to me in bed "You have a messed up relationship with your mother."

I rolled over the other way and said "Ma, are you hearing this shit??"

How do they clean up messes at the Vatican?

Papal towels.

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter?

Still under investigation.







Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ...

I messed up during a guitar recital.

I didn't think it was a big deal, bit it turned out to a A Major mistake...

If I had a dollar for every time I messed up the punchline

To get to the other side

This feline messed up my clothes

What a catastrophe!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to make a messed up joke even more messed up by changing the tone of a single word:

Version 1:
Q: What's the difference between my sister and a pigeon?
A: The pigeon died after I fucked it.

Version 2:
Q: What's the difference between my sister and a pigeon?
A: The pigeon died AFTER I fucked it.

If I ever find the guy who messed up my limb transplants,

I'm going to kill him with my bear hands.

My children messed up the furniture...

when i got home from work i said "Oh how the tables have turned..."

The French chef's apprentice really messed up when he dropped an ostrich egg on the floor.

Big ouef

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There so much messed up kinds of porn these days

What's the world coming to?

I think Samsung has messed up with my new phone's shipment.

I had booked a Galaxy Note ''S7'', not C4.

Today I messed up my signature on a cheque.

It isn't a good sign.

I was so angry the doctor messed up my lobotomy.

I gave him a piece of my mind.

The butcher's wife always messes up everyone's order.

We call her Miss Steak.

Heroin really messed up my household...

All the spoons are missing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

*The most messed up jokes you know*

I'll start: What’s worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother’s pussy? Sucking out thirteen of them and realizing you only put in a dozen.

What's it called when your backpack messes up your spine?

schooliosis

Why is Owen Wilson’s nose all messed up?

He KaCHOO’ed too hard!

I used to hate it when people slightly messed up proverbs...

But I guess it's no use crying over spoiled milk.

I got called a misogynist today which is messed up

Because I love getting massages.

I just prefer getting them from men because they’re better at it

My wife messed with my charging cable...

I was shocked.

What do you call Cheerios that messed around behind their boyfriend's back?

Cheatos

The Most Messed Up Joke Ever

It's 1945 and two Jewish kids are sitting on a roof near a chimney. A man walks by and asks "What are you guys doing up there?". The two kids say "Waiting for our parents."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I messed up while sexting with Kim Jong Un.

"Send Nukes"

What's the most messed up trap for Santa?

A Nicolas Cage.

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