A tribal chief down on his luck decided to marry off his three daughters

For in those days suitors paid a bridal price, and the chief thought he could live off what his daughters would fetch him, and at the same time ensure that his children would be secure and provided for.

Now, it was a point of rivalry between the girls to see who would fetch the best price amo...

A man was being interviewed for job in the army

The general asks the man: We want a person with a suspicious mind, one who is always alert. Merciless and ready to attack. Someone who has an acute sense of hearing and has detective ability. And most importantly having a killer instinct!

So do you think you are eligible?

The man rep...

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A masochist walks up to a sadist and says, 'Beat me mercilessly'...

Sadist: 'No'

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King Arthur's shortest Knight.

Once there was a man who wanted be a Knight of the Round table. He had all the qualifications, but he was under 3 feet tall. He journeyed to Camelot to gain audience with King Arthur.

When he appeared before the court, all the other knights made fun and heckled him mercilessly. He though...

A Bartender walks into a bar.

\*Bart's life flashes before his eyes as he's mercilessly shot four times in the chest\*

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The consolation in misery

The caliph of Basra, in the Arabian Thousand and One Nights, had earned a reputation as a cruel and harsh man. His sentences were exceedingly rigorous, his punishments merciless.

The Janissaries presented him inmates every day, and the caliph, after knowing the guilt of each one, decreed the...

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I grew up to some pretty merciless parents...

"Daddy, daddy, I think I have constipation!"

"Well, tough shit, son."

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Bob, Joe, and Dick go to heaven

Upon arrival they are greeted by St. Peter.

"Welcome to heaven. You are free to do as you please, but we do have one rule. Do not step on the ducks" he says.

'Seems easy enough' the men think.

They walk for quite some time before encountering the first duck, avoiding it with gre...

The thirsty criminal

My grandpa told me this gem of a joke. Here it goes...

A fleeing criminal, desperate to escape the police, runs into the desert with hardly any water. Very soon, he runs out of drinking water, and hours later, he is already plodding under the merciless desert sun.

He is close to desper...

Buddy Doesn't Know How to Park a Car

So this is a true story.

I work a retail job. My friend neglected to properly put his Mustang in park in his space. It moved backwards across the lot and in to a customer's Jeep Grand Cherokee. Luckily for him, the damage was not serious.

Unlucky for him, all of my coworkers (and a ...

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The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

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Ajit Pai is shopping in a grocery store...

Ajit Pai is shopping in a grocery store when he notices a produce clerk eyeing him. He goes about his shopping, albeit a bit unnerved by the clerk’s hungry eyes.

Ajit turns down another aisle and sees the guy at the deli counter scoping him out like a lion would look at a wounded wildebeest. ...

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An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years.

Upon her return, her father questioned her mercilessly. “Where have ye been all this time? Why didn’t you write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old ma through?”

The girl, crying, replied, “Daddy … I became a prostitute.”
“Ye what?! Out of h...

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Jim is a man with no ears and he starts his own business

First thing he needs to do is hire an assistant.
As a kid with no ears, Jim was bullied mercilessly and is extremely sensitive about it.
The first interview goes pretty well and Jim asks at the end "do you notice anything different about me"?
The person blurts out "yeah, you don't hav...

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NSFW The Voodoo Dick.

A man married to a nymphomaniac is going on a business trip, and he is worried his wife is going to cheat on him. So he decides to buy her a toy in the hopes of keeping her satisfied until he gets back. He goes to the neighborhood sex shop and explains his situation the the store owner. The owner gr...

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So a man finds a magic lamp with a genie...

The genie grants him the three wishes that he asks.
The next morning, he wakes up to see hundreds of beautiful girls still sleeping around him. He walks into the hall of his house, and feels crunching under his feet. He picks some off the ground and realizes that the floor and walls are covere...

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A man approaches a stop sign...

.. and as he usually does, he slows down a good bit, then continues rolling through the stop sign, without stopping completely.

An officer sees the man roll through the stop sign and pulls him over. The cop, in typical fashion, asks him, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" as the man gets ou...

A driver does a rolling stop at a STOP sign

A police officer happens to be there and pulls the driver over.

The officer goes up to the car and asks the driver if he knows why he has been pulled over.

The driver responds "No" with confusion.

The officer states that the driver stop at the intersection.

"But I slowe...

A cop pulls over a guy who just ran a stop sign.

Cop: You ran that stop sign back there.

Driver: Oh, come on now officer, it's called a California stop! I slowed down and no one was coming so I just rolled through.

Cop: Step out of the car please, sir.

Driver: What? Why? This is outrageous! I slowed down, and no one was ev...

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A fellow is standing at a urinal, doing his business.

A second person enters the mens room and quickly approaches the urinal next to him, then proceeds to just stand there. The fellow casts a glance sideways to see what is going on.

He sees a young man with no arms standing and looking forlornly at the urinal. His little arm nubs stick out of hi...

Jokes about Dad's new glasses

My Dad needs glasses for the first time. He's in his 50s and needs them for reading small print. Happens to most people with age. No biggie...
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However, I have worn glasses from a young age and he mocked me mercilessly for being a specky four-eyes with neverending delight. So now I have my op...

Boonta

Three men are marooned on island in the middle of the sea. They soon realize that the island is the home of the Wanooka tribe, known for being ruthless and murderous. They are captured and brought to the main village. The Wanooka chief goes of to the first man and asks him a question. "Death or Boon...

The people of Trid had a problem...

A dragon kept showing up and stealing all their food. Fed up with the inaction of the government, a local rabbi decided to take matters into his own hands. He called upon the Trids to band together with him and fight this menace, a suggestion met with eager cheers. They moved at dawn to attack in or...

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