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All Out Jokes

A boy wants to ask a girl to prom, and he really likes her so he goes all out...

He goes to the florist to buy some flowers, but the line is out the door. He thinks, "that's okay, she's worth it," and waits an hour in the flower line.

Next he goes to the candy store to get some really nice chocolates and again, the line is absurdly long. Again he thinks, "that's okay, I'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man runs into a pub all out of breath and asks at the first table:

"Guys, who's got a big black fat dog with a white collar?"

Nobody raises their hand.

"Oh, shit, so I ran over the vicar."

The store was all out of bread

so I kneaded to make my own.

I went to the supermarket but they were all out of bread.

I guess some people weren't able to buy any toilet paper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bloke goes into the chemist and asks if they sell Durex. The lady said I'm sorry, were all out. Have you tried Boots?

He said I want to Shag her, not kick her fucking head in!

Aunt Bessie figures it all out...

Aunt Bessie loves to meet and pamper her nieces and nephews, but she is limited only to her city, as she has a severe fear of flying. *"Who knows! Someone may be carrying a bomb!"*. Her relatives try and try to convince her how safe it is to fly nowadays, but 'she ain't gonna listen to nobody!'
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dwarf girlfriend went to work this morning upset with me, because I've been taking the piss out of her size. So I'm going all out to make it up to her tonight.

I've got a good bottle of wine in and bought her the latest dvd box set of her favourite programme. When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favourite takeaway for her tea, then go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.

In an all out fight between a married couple

The wife says: I would be better of marrying the devil instead of you!

The husband replies: no you couldn't. Marriage between family members is not legal!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At work we were all out of toilet paper. A co-worker suggested I use a dollar.I ended up with shit all over my hand and half way up my arm...

Well, you try wiping with three quarters two dimes and a nickel

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