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Manti Jokes

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A male praying mantis sees a hot praying mantis at the bar

"Hey girl... you want go back to my place?"

"fuck off!"

"OK, woman, no need for you to bite my head off...unless you want to."

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What did the Praying mantis say to his wife after sex?

so no head?

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What grasshopper said after having sex with mantis?

The rasshopper said: OK I know you're going to rip my head off and eat me now but it was worthy.

The mantis replies: don't worry only the female mantis do that.

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"Aren't you gonna eat me now?" asked the male praying mantis after sex

"Nah, that's just the females."

What Did The Male Mantis Say To The Female Mantis?

Male Mantis: “Yo, hoe, I want some head.”



Female Mantis: “Me too.”



Male Mantis: “what”

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A cricket is in love with a mantis

but he's terrified, because he keeps hearing that a mantis will eat the male after sex. Nevertheless, one night the cricket gets really drunk and propositions the mantis. The two have amazing sex all night long, but in the morning the cricket comes to his senses and starts eyeing the mantis warily.<...

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On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

The female Praying Mantis devours the male right after mating.

It’s easier to collect life insurance than child support.

What did the mantis say after cannibalizing her mate?

"Oh my God, I'm just like my mother!"

What did Groot say when he saw Gamora, Nebula, and Mantis naked?

"I am Groot"

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What does a female praying mantis ask for from a male prostitute?

Head. She always wants head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fun fact: When a praying mantis gets laid, the male is the one giving head to the female.

Still though, it was the best sex of his life.

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

What species gives the best head to their mates?

A mantis.

“Take out” could mean food, dating, or murder.

If you’re a praying mantis, it means all three at the same time.

Although the cannibalism of the praying mantis may seem severe, it is thankfully brief. In other species, the female will slowly suck the life out of her partner over a period of decades.

This process is commonly called marriage.

Attractive. Brainy. Romantic. Faithful. Makes good food. Gives great head.

-- Online dating profile of a male praying mantis.

Incompetent Zoo keeper

Dave the young novice Zoo keeper is on his first day of work. He is in the aquatic room, changing a fluorescent tube. One end drops in the tropical fish tank and it instantly electrocutes all the fish. They all float to the surface. He knows if the boss spots this, he'll be instantly fired. He takes...

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