UPJOKE
predatorinsecttermitedictyopteralizardordermantidaemantis religiosopraying mantidmantiscritterprayerchaeteessidaehippobiped

Praying Mantis Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Praying mantis say to his wife after sex?

so no head?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Aren't you gonna eat me now?" asked the male praying mantis after sex

"Nah, that's just the females."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A male praying mantis sees a hot praying mantis at the bar

"Hey girl... you want go back to my place?"

"fuck off!"

"OK, woman, no need for you to bite my head off...unless you want to."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fun fact: When a praying mantis gets laid, the male is the one giving head to the female.

Still though, it was the best sex of his life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

The female Praying Mantis devours the male right after mating.

It’s easier to collect life insurance than child support.

Although the cannibalism of the praying mantis may seem severe, it is thankfully brief. In other species, the female will slowly suck the life out of her partner over a period of decades.

This process is commonly called marriage.

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

“Take out” could mean food, dating, or murder.

If you’re a praying mantis, it means all three at the same time.

Attractive. Brainy. Romantic. Faithful. Makes good food. Gives great head.

-- Online dating profile of a male praying mantis.

Praying mantises don't all follow the same religion.

They're in sects.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three starving flies are buzzing around..

When they spot a huge pile of shit. The flies dive right in and get to eating, in fact they ate so much they found out they cant fly anymore. This is a big problem because the yard that the shit is in happens to be filled with insects and animals that would eat them if they tried to walk across to s...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.