Erupted Jokes - 27 Hilarious Erupted Jokes

What did people sing when Vesuvius erupted???

"First I was afraid, I was petrified..."

A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.

As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it’s possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.

The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.”

The woman, astounded, t...

A man phoned to find out whether he could get insurance if the nearby volcano erupted...

They assured him he would be covered.

Don't Miss The Amazing Italian

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing. A sign read:

"Don't Miss The Amazing Italian"

The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, under The Big Top, in the center ring, was a table with three walnuts on it.

Standing next to it was ...

A nun, badly in need of a restroom, walked into a local hooters. The place was hopping with music and load conversations and every once in a while, the lights would go out.

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt in cheers.

The nun walked up to the bartender and asked, “may I please use the restroom?”

The bartender replied, “OK, but I must warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”

“Well, in ...

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Three samurais compete with each other

Three samurais are sitting around a camp fire when suddenly, one boasts. "I am the world's best swordsman!" - he stands up, whips out his sword and cut a fly in half.

The second samurai says,"No, I'm the best." and he sees a fly -his sword flashes twice- then the fly falls into 4 pieces.
<...

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The Troubles (long)

In the 1970s a lady got pregnant in Belfast. Actually, a lot of ladies got pregnant in Belfast in the 1970s, there wasn't much on TV. Anyway, this particular lady was going to have triplets. When she had almost come to term, she was walking down the street when a battle erupted between the provos an...

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Old people and Drs

I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it:

A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick',...

Little Johnny in class

A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with the letters 'tor' that also ate things.

The first little boy said, 'Alligator'.

'Very good, Jimmy, that's a big word', said the teacher.

The next little boy said, 'Predator'.

'That's also a very good wor...

Great performance!

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally, after many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, ”This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You must walk onto the...

So I was walking in the park one day when I saw this dog

I approach this dog and it looked deep deep into my soul,
it then stands back onto its hind legs and opened its mouth to speak,
however.
The dog didn’t speak,
fires erupted from its mouth
its eyes rolled into the back of its head
and it turned into a chicken.

Man... b...

A defense Lawyer was cross-examining a police officer

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who pr...

A large blond convention was held.

A large blonde convention was held to prove once and for all that blondes are not so dumb after all. The auditorium filled with thousands of blond haired spectators. The brightest blonde was selected to answer some simple math questions.
The host asked her “what is 2+2?”
The blonde replied “5...

The Flintstones

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.

A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour,

but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

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Harry the horse

Once upon a time, in a quaint little village nestled between rolling green hills, there lived a horse named Harry. Now, Harry was no ordinary horse; he possessed an uncanny ability to make the most mundane situations utterly hilarious. His knack for comedy made him the talk of the town, and villager...

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A motorcycle officer stopped a man who ran a red light.

The guy was a real jerk, demanding, “Why am I being harassed by the Gestapo?!”
The officer calmly told him of his violation.
The man erupted in a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry and sexual orientation in explicit terms.
The officer took it in stride, saying nothing. When he finis...

One day two accountants, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. One was a Hindu and constantly berated the other for eating meat!

After stopping for a hot dog, the Hindu erupted "Why do you eat meat?, Do you even know what's in that hot dog? You know, you are what you eat!"

The American replied "I am what I eat, an uncontrollable vicious animal (beating his chest)"

As they stepped off the curb a speeding car ca...

The Cool Clam Club

Deep beneath the ocean there is an exclusive club known for only having the coolest of clams in their midst. This was called the Cool Clam Club.

Now, the Cool Clam Club was known across the seven seas as one of the most prestigious clubs known to seakind due to the fact that their initia...

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A joke told by Ronald Reagan

Fidel Castro had just started one of his long, boring speeches when an older man in the crowd was heard saying, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."

Castro didn't break his stride but a few minutes later, a second voice was heard but with the same message, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."
...

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Lenin in Poland

The communist party of Poland decided to celebrate the anniversary of Lenin’s birth. They approached a famous painter and asked him for a painting titled “Lenin in Poland”. The painter hated communism, but he agreed to do it on the condition that he will have total artistic freedom and everyone will...

Blondes are tired of people making fun of them.

Blondes across the world set up a convention to prove to everyone that they aren’t dumb. Thousands show up.

The main event begins. The announcer on stage goes, “We are tired of people thinking we’re dumb, so we’re here to prove everyone wrong!”

He points to a random blonde woman in the...

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Uranus ( long )

Originally from Buck Buchanan 9 i just had to share) let the Uranus jokes come forth.............anyway....

“It's my understanding that the first six probes were recklessly plunged into Uranus at such excessively high speeds these early attempts only produced massively dense clouds of methane...

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A man goes to the circus

A young man named John was a huge fan of the circus all the way through childhood, he had a huge affection for the acrobatics, showmanship and the hilarious clowns.

Finally, one day, a circus came to his tiny village and he saved all his money to make the trip.

He had a great time, the...

This Day in History, 1978

This day in history, June 12,1978, there was a large amount of [Basques](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basque_Country_(autonomous_community) who died in a fire at an old local theater. The theater was packed full, and as the fire erupted the entire building's occupants flooded to the only exit in th...

The Big Orange Head Joke

A man walks into a bar. As he's ordering a beer, he happens to glance down towards the other end of the bar and see a man with a big orange head. As the bartender brings his beer, the man asks him, "What's with the guy with the big orange head?"

The bartender chuckles. "Yeah," he says, "That'...

A local nunnery started a fight club

Obviously such an event had to be very under the radar, so very few people knew about it.

One of my best friends aunts is a nun, so he invited me to go with him. I went once, immediately got hooked, and now we go every Tuesday night. I told my wife that I had to work late Tuesday nights, the...

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Early, but here's one for the Holidays.

The Annual Chess-Lovers Convention was in full swing. This year, the highly-anticipated event was hosted by the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Expert players and avid enthusiasts gathered from all around the world for the occasion.

The afternoon of the first day, a heated debate broke out in the ma...

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