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On Fire Jokes

What do you call a jacket that's on fire?

A blazer.

Honey, I accidentally set your son on fire!

Just kidding, it’s not your son, it’s arson.

If Alex Jones and Chris Brown were both on fire and you only had one fire extinguisher...

Where would you hide it?

As I'm sure you're all aware, the Notre Dame Cathedral is on fire.

They don't know who did it, but they have a hunch.

A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician walk into an office to discover the trash can is on fire.



The physicist announces "We must put the garbage can in the fridge so that the temperature will be below the ignition temperature and therefore put itself out!"

The chemist replies "No, we must cover the garbage can so that the fire consumes all of the oxygen and, in the absence of re...

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So this blonde sees a building on fire.

She pulls out her phone and calls 911. Below is a transcript of the phone call.

Blonde: OMG! There is a building on fire.

Dispatch: What is the address?

Blonde: I don’t know.

Dispatch: okay…how do we get there?

Blonde: Duh, red truck.

"Did you know your son lit the barn on fire!?!"

You mean "arson"?

An arsonist lights an economist's house on fire.

When the economist arrives home, he turns on the garden hose in his front yard and sprays a huge blast of water on the fire. This completely puts out the fire, but now a section of the house is covered in water.

The next day, the arsonist lights a chemist's house on fire.

When the chem...

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Ever hear about the guy who lit his fart on fire to burn his house down?

He got charged with ARSEn!

Why did the vampire set Van Helsing’s house on fire?

He likes his stakes well done

A man on fire

A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames cra...

A 6 story building is on fire

Fireman 1: Your turn to choose… you want the ladder or the stairs?

Fireman 2: Ok, I’ll take the latter

Fireman 1: Ok, I’ll take the ladder

A large apartment building is on fire, and people are trapped...

The first firefighters on scene notice that a couple is in a window 10 stories up, frantically waving their arms. They have a baby, and the smoke and fire is getting thick. The firefighters know that their ladder can't reach that high, and desperately try to come up with a plan.

A bystander,...

Why does the feminine man float on fire?

Because he is flamboyant!

I saw a cow spontaneously catch on fire the other day

Guess you could call it a rare experience

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her cat in her arms.

"Hey, lady", yells Larry, "Throw me the cat!"
"No," she cries, "It's too far!"
"I play football. I can catch him!"

The smoke is pouring from the windows. The woman kisses her cat goodbye and tosses it down to the street.
Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward...

Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"

Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"

Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"

Translated - hope it makes sense to you guys :)

A blonde’s neighbor’s house was on fire so she called 911.

The blonde told the operator, “My neighbor’s house is on fire!”.

The operator asked, “Where are you? ”

The blonde answered, “At my house”.

The operator replied, “No, I’m asking how do we get there?”.

The blonde said, “In a firetruck, duh!”

What do you call a disabled person on fire?

Hot Wheels

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A Catholic school is on fire

The Principal orders everyone to leave immediately. A priest runs up to him and says "but sir, there are still children trapped inside." The principal says "fuck the kids"

Priest says "do you think there's enough time?"

An apartment building is on fire and a woman screams out the window for help.

“Just jump out the window,” a man yells. “I am a baseball player. I can catch you.”

“Wait,” she says. “What team do you play for?”

“The Cincinnati Reds,” shouts the man.

“Ehhhh,” shrugs the woman. “I will take my chances with the fire.”

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What do you call a donkey that's on fire?

The hottest ass you've ever seen

That booty’s on Fire

I guess you could say its arson

a blonde calls 911 and says "help, help, my house is on fire" ...operater says "stay calm ma'am, we'll send the fire department. how do we get to your house?"

Blonde: "duh...big red truck"

An Irishman is pulled from a bar on fire

The firemen, in the interest of finding out the cause ask him, "What started the fire!?"

The Irishman, covered on soot, shakes his head. "Beats me. It was already on fire when I went in."

Irish Pub In Midtown Manhattan Is On Fire

An Irish pub on 32nd street caught fire one day. Smoke and flames were seen billowing out of the windows and threatening the nearby businesses. Firefighters arrived on the scene within 10 minutes but the fire had spread so rapidly from all the wood (and booze I suppose), and the building was complet...

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Two guys are having sex and the house catches on fire. so who gets out first?

The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.

An Australian man set his pubic hair on fire.

I guess you could call that an Australian bushfire

How do you light a swimmingpool on fire?

You don't.

A bread factory caught on fire the other day.

Now, their business is toast.

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An engineer, physicist, and a statistician in a hotel room...

So an engineer, a physicist, and a statistician are all sleeping in a hotel room when suddenly an outlet catches fire. The engineer wakes up first and says to himself "this is an electrical fire, water won't work!" And runs to grab a fire extinguisher. The physicist wakes up next and thinks to himse...

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks,
"What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fir...

TIFU: My uniform fetish has been escalating to unhealthy levels. Today I set the apartment on fire just so I could call 911, and I didn't realize my girlfriend was still inside.

Don't worry. I came to her rescue.

My reddish-brown Toyota minivan caught on fire yesterday

It’s a burnt burnt sienna Sienna.

My arm is on fire, quick somebody put me out before I get arrested!

I don't want to be put in jail for illegal possession of a firearm.

Kid, why did you set my wife on fire?

I wanted a hot mom.

What do parents say when the find out their son got arrested for setting a building on fire

“That’s arson!”

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What do you call someone who lights people's butts on fire?

An arsenist!

"Man, my sinuses are on fire!"

"An allergy?"

"No, a metaphor".

Have you guys tried lighting pure oxygen on fire?

You'll have a blast.

I can't believe people are celebrating the Fourth of July early and lighting off fireworks already.

One of my neighbor's fireworks landed in my yard and almost lit my Christmas decorations on fire.

What's weird, hairy, and on fire?

A furry

The Clown Collage was on fire yesterday

People for miles around complained of funny smells

Did you ever hear about the man who set pastries on fire?

He was a self proclaimed pie-ro-maniac.

An economists left leg is on fire and his right leg is frozen...

He says "on average I'm perfectly fine".

Did you hear about the French cheese factory that caught on fire?

All that was left was da brie...

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What do you call a woman’s “bush” on fire?

A twat-alight.

What did the pirate say when his child caught the ship on fire?

Arrrrrrgh Son!

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Car on Fire!!!

Driving home late one night, a man spotted a car on fire. He rushed over to help and saw that a beautiful woman was trapped inside, bleeding to death. He dragged her to safety from the flames, wrapped her in a blanket and drove her to the nearest hospital. Over the next six months, he regularly dona...

I saw a guy setting his phone on fire

He said that he wanted to reach hot

What's it called when you set your significant other on fire?

Flambae

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the man have after his wife set his balls on fire?

Honey-Roasted Nuts

What do you get when you light a pig on fire?

a piglit

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A famous sausage factor gets set on fire.

The flames quickly grew out of control and all near by fire departments are called. The owner of the factory told the firemen that his secret sausage recipe was stored in a vault inside. He proclaimed that the first department to fight off the fire and get the recipes would get a 50000 $ reward. All...

Plagerism software catches computer on fire

After programmers try to test it on Reddit jokes

What do you call a woman who sets her mortgage documents on fire?

Bernadette

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During an ecumenical assembly, a secretary rushed in shouting, “The building is on fire!”

The Methodists prayed in a corner.
The Baptists wondered where they could find water. The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door announcing the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the cost of the ...

A plane's engine suddenly catches on fire

As the plane starts to descend rapidly, a woman gets out of her seat, rips off her clothes and yells

"I want to feel like a woman for one last time!"

A man gets up, takes off his shirt and shouts

"Wash mine, too!"

[OC] A Man's House is on Fire

A Man's house is on fire. He is standing on the front lawn when a firefighter arrives. The man tells the firefighter "My wife and baby are in there!"

The firefighter asks: "If I can't save both, which should I bring back?!"

Man quickly responds "My wife. We can always have more babies"...

A candy's factory is on fire

A research team of a candy factory have just lately developed a new type of candy that should change the candy market as we know today forever.

One day, the factory is burning up. While the local firefighters arrive to the site, the CEO of the factory shouts "the brave men that will bring me ...

My career is absolutely on fire at the moment.

Only problem is that my career is accident and disaster prevention.

What do you call a Barbie on fire?

A Barbecue!







Be gentle. First post. And I remember making this up on a long car ride when I was just 4:)

Arrrgghhh... My Retinas Are on Fire

I just saw The Emoji Movie.

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Principal: Sorry for calling you in, but your son set the school on fire.

Parents: Arson?

Principal: Yes, your son.

I sneezed in front of my stuttering friend and said, "man, my sinuses are on fire".

"i-i-is i-i-it an-an-allergy?" he asked

I said, "no, it's a metaphor".

A weed farm was on fire next to a butcher shop.

The steaks were high.

How do you tell if jackjack’s on fire

Because he’s a smoking hot babe

What do you call a church on fire?

Notre Flamme

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac
are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution,
bored out of their minds.
"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it," said the sadist. ...

Did you hear about the guy who lit his pants on fire?

He made an ash of himself!

^^how ^^ember ^^assing...

I set my old school books on fire yesterday.

Never before had they been so enlightening.

Why didn't rick astley help the victims of a building on fire?

He refused to let them down

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A man is walking down the street an sees that his favorite brothel is on fire

He selflessly runs into the flames and comes back out with a dwarf sex worker. When asked why he rescued her, he says "I always save a little fellator"

Setting someone on fire

Setting someone on fire is a very heartwarming gesture.

Cigarettes are like hamsters

Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.

The year 2020 began with Australia on fire and over a billion animals dead.

Little did we know then that it would be the feel good story of the year.

Why did the Indian set his friend's turban on fire?

It was a sikh joke.

Putin is held hostage by a terrorist.

A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks:

Driver: What's going on?

Policeman: ...

Last week my house was on fire. The kids were screaming.

My wife told them, 'be quiet or you'll wake your father!'

I tell ya I get no respect.

One day a small farmhouse catches on fire

The fire quickly becomes a towering inferno, while the family sleeps. A pig breaks out of the pig pen and rushes into the house. One by one it drags the family members out to safety. The next day a local news service comes by to cover the amazing story. The family and community heaps praise on t...

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I wouldn't piss on Donald Trump if he were on fire.

But for $100,000 a few Russian hookers will.

What's the first thing you do when the strip club is on fire?

You get the hoes out.

A blonde's house catches on fire..

She starts freaking out and finally calls 911. She exclaims, "my house is on fire come as fast as you can!" The operated says, "Okay, calm down and tell me how do we get to your house?", the blonde then replies arrogantly and annoyed, "Well duh, in the big red truck!"

An 80s singer caught himself on fire, what does he do?

Stop, Drop, and Rick-Roll

A guy dressed as a chicken on fire tried to break into my house.

If phoenix anything I'll be mad.

What do you call sandpaper on fire?

Bernie Sanders

What did the fireman say when the church caught on fire?

Holy smoke!

Trump and Clinton are on a building that is on fire. You got time to save only one, what do you do ?

Go to lunch or go watch a movie ?

What you do you call a pirate that likes to set things on fire?

An Arrrrrsonist.

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

Silver walked up to elements in a bar that was on fire. Silver said "Get out!"

Gold said "Aukay"

Potassium said "K"

Sodium said "Na"

Argon didn't react.

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