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Limped Jokes

A guy limped into a Dairy Queen and ordered a banana split.

The attendant began to make it for him and said "Crushed nuts?" And the guy said, No, I just have a bad knee."

There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake...

For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as thei...

A dog with a bandaged foot limped into town one day.

The sheriff approached the stranger and said: “What brings you to Dawson City?” The dog replied: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. “But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained.

“That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.”


“But the right leg is way too short,” argued the customer.


“No problem,” the sales clerk answere...

An old man.....

An old man limped into a doctors office and said, "Doctor, my left knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!"

The doctor, slowly eyed him from head to toe, and asked, "Sir, how old are you?"

The old man replied that he was 98.

The doctor, just sighed, and said to the old man, "Sir, ...

Did you hear...

... about the dog that limped into a town in Texas? He was looking for the man who shot his paw.

My best friend Mat and I were captured by wild Indians

We pleaded and begged that they let us go. They finally conceited to allow Mat to take three trials. Ahead of us were three tepees. The chief told us the first had five barrels of fire water Mat must drink. The second had a grizzly bear with a wicked tooth ache, Mat must pull it's bad tooth. The thi...

A penguin was driving when he noticed the warning light on his dashboard light up...

He limped the car to the nearest garage. The mechanic said it may take a while to fix and so to come back later.

So the penguin went out and took in the sights. Whilst he was there he decided to get an ice cream. However, only having flippers, he couldn't hold the ice cream very well and made...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man tsks at his great-grandson playing Fortnite

"This is what you kids do for fun these days? Why back in my day, we'd go to the Moulin Rouge in Paris, all the dancers, piss all over the bar, and leave without paying!"

He didn't think anything more of it until a month later when his great-grandson limped into his house on a pair of cr...
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