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I sent my wife a picture of my flaccid penis. [NSFW]

Just to let her know I was thinking of her.

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My girlfriends name is Wendy and I had it tattooed on my penis (NSFW)

My girlfriends name is Wendy and I had it tattooed on my penis.

When it’s flaccid you can only see WY.

On a trip to the Caribbean I went to the bathroom and was standing at the trough next to a local.

I briefly gazed down and saw that he too had WY tattooed on his penis.

...

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It’s my half cake day soon so I thought I would post a joke.

A older Marine just came back from deployment and went to the local brothel to get some. He lays his money down and asks for the best girl they have. The madam tells him to go into the room and get undressed and he does.

A few minutes later a very vivacious blonde walks in and introduces her...

What do you do with a flaccid kayak?

You give it Niagra.

(originally a comment from u/din7)

What goes in erect, hard and dry. And comes out wet and flaccid ?

Spaghetti in the boiling pan !

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According to google, to be a grower you must be 1.5 inches longer when erect than flaccid

I still don’t know if I’m a grower though as my dick is never that long


Sorry if this sucks, I can’t deliver jokes, if you think it needs improvement leave revisions in comments

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My flaccid penis is square shaped...

When I get hard it becomes an erectangle.

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So a busy office drone is feeling physically low, flaccid, out of sorts.

So a busy office drone is feeling physically low, flaccid, out of sorts. Goes to a therapist who says he has to get some exercise. But how? His weekends are taken up with ex-wife and shared kids, work is all consuming. How about running to work? Embarrassing. Silly. So how about running with a purpo...

Why did the captain send his flaccid detective home?

He wasn't looking hard enough.

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What do you call a Somali Man with a flaccid penis?

Black Cock Down

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What thing gets in hard and gets out flaccid?

Was gonna say noodles- But in fact it's a penis.

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What do you call a small flaccid penis with pointy head?

Microsoft edge

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Being attracted to my own flaccid penis really sucks.

But it does have its ups and downs.

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A white man was on holiday in Jamaica

The man had recently gotten a tattoo on his penis. When it stretched out, it would spell «Anne», but it only said «Ae» when flaccid.

One day after he and his wife were done at the beach, he went to the public showers and saw a Jamaican with the letters «Wy» on his schlong.

«Does it sp...

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Two bathtubs were about to have sex

The female bathtub looked at the male bathtub’s flaccid dick and laughed at how small it was. To which the male bathtub replied: ”I’m a bathtub, not a shower.”

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[nsfw] A man proposes to his girlfriend and to his delight she says yes.

To show her how deep his love is, he decides to get her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. Penises being as they are, the name ‘Wendy’ is only visible when he has an erection. When it is flaccid, all that can be seen is ‘Wy’. ‘No bother’, he thinks. ‘This will just make the surprise even better on ...

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A man is getting married, and wants to impress his bride to be.

So he gets her name, Wendy, tattooed down the side of his shaft. He keeps it a surprise for the honeymoon as it heals and is quite impressed with the work. Although when he's flaccid all you can see is Wy, when he's hard there it is, in all its glory, in a beautiful font. The big day comes, and they...

What is both flaccid and rock hard at the same time?

Michelangelo’s David

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A man gets his wife's name tattooed...

...on his penis. So when he his erect it spells her name Wendy. When flaccid it says Wy. One day hes taking a piss and a black guy walks in. He dosent mean to but notices the black guys dick also has a wy. So he asks the man hey is your girl named wendy? Guy looks at him and is like what? The guy ex...

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A guy falls in love with a girl called Wendy

Few months later, he decides to propose to her. To make it unforgettable, he gets her name tattooed on his penis, so when it's flaccid it reads WY and when he gets a hard on, it says Wendy. He shows it to her and she's so impressed with his commitment and all, says Yes and they get married.
...

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A man is getting married, and decides to get a tattoo to honor his bride to be

He wants to get her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. When he goes to get it done, he finds out that it has to be hard.

As a result, his flaccid penis just says WY.

On their honey moon in jamaica, this man finds himself in the bathroom at a bar next to the local bartender. Rather d...

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A man tattoos his girlfriend's name on his penis.

A man is dating a woman named Wendy, and as a "romantic" gesture, he gets her name tattooed on his penis, but when he's flaccid, only the first W and final Y are visible.

One day, while he and his girlfriend are on holiday in Jamaica, he is standing at a urinal, when a black Jamaican man wal...

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I man had a girlfriend named Wendy...

...he decided to get a tattoo of her name on his penis. When erect, it read "Wendy", and when flaccid, all you saw was "W" and "Y".

Out for dinner one day, he excused himself to the bathroom and went to the urinal, next to him was a Jamaican man. The man took a gander at the Jamaican's membe...

Shafts and tattoos

Todd wants to get a tattoo of his girlfriend's name and decides to put it along his shaft. Now when he's erect it says "WENDY" and when he's flaccid it says "WY".

A few weeks later Todd and his girlfriend are taking a trip to Jamaica. As they're getting off the plane Todd has an urge to pee....

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[NSFW] a soldier was home from tour and was naked in bed with his wife

As they talked it was obvious the mood was moving towards sex. So the soldier gets out of bed and stands at the side of the bed. He says to his wife "I learned this really neat trick. Do you want to see it?"

The wife replies "of course!" So the soldier looks down at his penis and says in a gr...

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My friend is in hospital after someone threw a bucket of limp penises at him...

... It was a flaccid attack

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A man broke up with his girlfriend and decided to go to Jamaica to cheer up.

He went to an all inclusive resort. He ate and drank like a king; the only problem was the beach outside the resort was a NUDE beach.

He was feeling self conscious because he had a tattoo of his girlfriend's name on his penis.

Erect it said "Wendy", but when flaccid, some letters got ...

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The Commander demotes Corporal Parts

The general calls down Corporal Parts into his office. Parts asks, "What is it sir?" The general says, "We believe you have been lacking on your training so we have decided to demote you to Private until we see an increase in results." Parts looks confused as he has been working very hard lately ins...

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An old hillbilly has a beautiful young bride.

One day a salesman comes to his door selling rabbits. "That's a mighty fine looking rabbit you have there," says the old man. "How much do you want for it?"

"This one sells for 20 bucks," says the salesman.

"That's mighty expensive for a rabbit," says the hillbilly. "Tell you what, my ...

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So there's this guy, let's call him Paul Yankee.

So Paul Yankee had been dating this girl Wendy Norris for a few years, so he finally proposed and she said yes.

Fast forward to the wedding and they are the happiest people to ever exist. Mr Paul Yankee and Mrs Wendy Yankee decided to go to Jamaica for their honeymoon. As a surprise for his ...

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Years ago, I took some LSD and tried to have sex with my girlfriend, but couldn’t.

I still have flaccid flashbacks.

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A man wants to show his love to his wife....

so he decides to get her name, Whitney, tattooed on his erected penis, and when he is flaccid all you can see in a "w" and a "y." A week later the married couple go on vacation to Jamaica. While peeing at the urinal the man look over and accidentally sees a Jamaican man's penis and he noticed a "w...

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A crusty old sergeant major walks into a brothel in Korea...

He walks up to the receptionist and says, "I'm a sergeant major, I've seen combat in every major conflict for the last 35 years, and I want the best goddamn hooker you've got in this place!"

The receptionist nods and leads him to one of the back rooms. Waiting there is a stunningly beautiful ...

Stiffy worm

A grandfather is watching his grandson playing in the yard and asks what is he doing.

The grandson says:

"I'm shoving the worms back into their hole."

"And how can you do it if the worm is all limp and flaccid?"

"It's a secret grandfather!"

"I'll give you 10 bucks ...

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Penis size IS important

A man was deeply in love with his girlfriend Wendy so he decided to get her name tattooed on his penis. When he was flaccid, it read "Wy" and when he was erect, it read "Wendy". The man and his girlfriend Wendy decided to take a holiday to Jamaica. Their resort happened to be clothing optional an...

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Wendy

A white man named Jimmy was dating a beautiful girl named Wendy. They were a great couple, and one night after sex, Wendy asked Jimmy, "Honey, you love me, right?"
"Of course!" he replied.
"Well, would you get my name tattooed on your penis?"
"Anything for you, sweetheart!"

The next...

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John and the Wendy Tattoo

A guy named John has been in a relationship with a girl named Wendy for 2 years. He's convinced that she's the one, and to prove it, he tattoos her name on his penis. When he's erect, the tattoo reads "WENDY" very clearly, but when he's flaccid you can only see "WY". Needless to say, Wendy is turned...

Did you hear about the new winter resort that caters exclusively to men with erectile disfunction?

It's called Lake Flaccid.

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