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Flaccid Jokes

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A soldier returns home to his wife after a year-long deployment overseas.

He wants to show her how he managed to go a year without having with anybody else. "So how did you do it?" she asks.

"I trained my to respond to drill commands like so." He undoes his belt and drops his trousers. ", ten-HUT!"

His springs straight up, erect and raring...

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I sent my wife a picture of my flaccid . []

Just to let her know I was thinking of her.

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[] My girlfriends name is Wendy and I had it tattooed on my .

When it’s flaccid you can only see WY.

On a trip to the Caribbean I went to the bathroom and was standing at the trough next to a local.

I briefly gazed down and saw that he too had WY tattooed on his .

I asked him if his girlfriends name was also Wendy.

He said ‘No....

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My flaccid is square shaped...

When I get hard it becomes an erectangle.

What's hard before you use it, wet while you're using it and soft and flaccid after you are done using it?

Chewing gum.

What goes in erect, hard and dry. And comes out wet and flaccid ?

Spaghetti in the boiling pan !

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A man is getting married, and decides to get a tattoo to honor his bride to be

He wants to get her name, Wendy, tattooed on his . When he goes to get it done, he finds out that it has to be hard.

As a result, his flaccid just says WY.

On their honey moon in jamaica, this man finds himself in the bathroom at a bar next to the local bartender. Rather d...

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What thing gets in hard and gets out flaccid?

Was gonna say noodles- But in fact it's a .

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What do you call a Somali Man with a flaccid ?

Down

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Being attracted to my own flaccid really .

But it does have its ups and downs.

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According to google, to be a grower you must be 1.5 inches longer when erect than flaccid

I still don’t know if I’m a grower though as my is never that long


Sorry if this , I can’t deliver jokes, if you think it needs improvement leave revisions in comments

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I man had a girlfriend named Wendy...

...he decided to get a tattoo of her name on his . When erect, it read "Wendy", and when flaccid, all you saw was "W" and "Y".

Out for dinner one day, he excused himself to the bathroom and went to the urinal, next to him was a Jamaican man. The man took a gander at the Jamaican's membe...

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A man tattoos his girlfriend's name on his .

A man is dating a woman named Wendy, and as a "romantic" gesture, he gets her name tattooed on his , but when he's flaccid, only the first W and final Y are visible.

One day, while he and his girlfriend are on holiday in Jamaica, he is standing at a urinal, when a black Jamaican man wal...

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[] A man proposes to his girlfriend and to his delight she says yes.

To show her how deep his love is, he decides to get her name, Wendy, tattooed on his . Penises being as they are, the name ‘Wendy’ is only visible when he has an erection. When it is flaccid, all that can be seen is ‘Wy’. ‘No bother’, he thinks. ‘This will just make the surprise even better on ...

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A white man was on holiday in Jamaica

The man had recently gotten a tattoo on his . When it stretched out, it would spell «Anne», but it only said «Ae» when flaccid.

One day after he and his wife were done at the beach, he went to the public showers and saw a Jamaican with the letters «Wy» on his .

«Does it sp...

What is both flaccid and rock hard at the same time?

Michelangelo’s David

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This white dude gets engaged, and decides to take a solo vacation to Jamaica.

Before he leaves, he gets his fiancé’s name, Wendy, tattooed on his . He has the tattoo artist make it so, that when he’s flaccid, his tattoo would spell WNY. When he was erect, it would spell out her full name. He arrives in Jamaica, and is having the time of his life. While at one of the ...

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Two bathtubs were about to have

The female bathtub looked at the male bathtub’s flaccid and laughed at how small it was. To which the male bathtub replied: ”I’m a bathtub, not a shower.”

I watched a film about a giant crocodile with erectile dysfunction....

Lake Flaccid.

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A guy tattoos his wife's name on his (possible )

A guy was getting married and decided to tattoo his wife's name, Wendy, on his . When it was erect, her name was on it, but when it wasn't, it only said "wy"

So they get married and go on their honeymoon to Jamaica. On the last day, the newlyweds go to a beach. The guy goes to the b...

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A man wants to show his love to his wife....

so he decides to get her name, Whitney, tattooed on his erected , and when he is flaccid all you can see in a "w" and a "y." A week later the married couple go on vacation to Jamaica. While peeing at the urinal the man look over and accidentally sees a Jamaican man's and he noticed a "w...

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A man broke up with his girlfriend and decided to go to Jamaica to cheer up.

He went to an all inclusive resort. He ate and drank like a king; the only problem was the beach outside the resort was a beach.

He was feeling self conscious because he had a tattoo of his girlfriend's name on his .

Erect it said "Wendy", but when flaccid, some letters got ...

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Dave was in love with Wendy...

As a sign of his devotion he got her name tattooed on his willy, just before asking for her hand in marriage. Now, when he was flaccid only the first and last letters of Wendy's name were visible. That night in bed Wendy noticed the "Wy" tattooed on his member. Upon inquiring Dave about it, he becam...

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My friend is in hospital after someone threw a bucket of limp penises at him...

... It was a flaccid attack

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A guy falls in love with a girl called Wendy

Few months later, he decides to propose to her. To make it unforgettable, he gets her name tattooed on his , so when it's flaccid it reads WY and when he gets a hard on, it says Wendy. He shows it to her and she's so impressed with his commitment and all, says Yes and they get married.
...

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A man is getting married, and wants to impress his bride to be.

So he gets her name, Wendy, tattooed down the side of his shaft. He keeps it a surprise for the honeymoon as it heals and is quite impressed with the work. Although when he's flaccid all you can see is Wy, when he's hard there it is, in all its glory, in a beautiful font. The big day comes, and they...

Did you hear about the new winter resort that caters exclusively to men with erectile disfunction?

It's called Lake Flaccid.

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[] a soldier was home from tour and was naked in bed with his wife

As they talked it was obvious the mood was moving towards . So the soldier gets out of bed and stands at the side of the bed. He says to his wife "I learned this really neat trick. Do you want to see it?"

The wife replies "of course!" So the soldier looks down at his and says in a gr...

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Years ago, I took some LSD and tried to have with my girlfriend, but couldn’t.

I still have flaccid flashbacks.

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It’s my half cake day soon so I thought I would post a joke.

A older Marine just came back from deployment and went to the local brothel to get some. He lays his money down and asks for the best girl they have. The madam tells him to go into the room and get undressed and he does.

A few minutes later a very vivacious blonde walks in and introduces her...

Shafts and tattoos

Todd wants to get a tattoo of his girlfriend's name and decides to put it along his shaft. Now when he's erect it says "WENDY" and when he's flaccid it says "WY".

A few weeks later Todd and his girlfriend are taking a trip to Jamaica. As they're getting off the plane Todd has an urge to pee....

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Bill had a girlfriend named Wendy.

Bill discovered he was head over heels, madly in love with Wendy. He was so in love with Wendy that he went out and got ‘Wendy’ tattooed on his . When he was flaccid it read ‘Wy’ and when he was aroused it read ‘Wendy’.

Bill and Wendy got married and went on honeymoon to Jamaica. They w...

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size IS important

A man was deeply in love with his girlfriend Wendy so he decided to get her name tattooed on his . When he was flaccid, it read "Wy" and when he was erect, it read "Wendy". The man and his girlfriend Wendy decided to take a holiday to Jamaica. Their resort happened to be clothing optional an...

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A crusty old sergeant major walks into a brothel in Korea...

He walks up to the receptionist and says, "I'm a sergeant major, I've seen combat in every major conflict for the last 35 years, and I want the best goddamn you've got in this place!"

The receptionist nods and leads him to one of the back rooms. Waiting there is a stunningly beautiful ...

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John and the Wendy Tattoo

A guy named John has been in a relationship with a girl named Wendy for 2 years. He's convinced that she's the one, and to prove it, he tattoos her name on his . When he's erect, the tattoo reads "WENDY" very clearly, but when he's flaccid you can only see "WY". Needless to say, Wendy is turned...

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Wendy

A white man named Jimmy was dating a beautiful girl named Wendy. They were a great couple, and one night after , Wendy asked Jimmy, "Honey, you love me, right?"
"Of course!" he replied.
"Well, would you get my name tattooed on your ?"
"Anything for you, sweetheart!"

The next...

Stiffy worm

A grandfather is watching his grandson playing in the yard and asks what is he doing.

The grandson says:

"I'm shoving the worms back into their hole."

"And how can you do it if the worm is all limp and flaccid?"

"It's a secret grandfather!"

"I'll give you 10 bucks ...

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An old hillbilly has a beautiful young bride.

One day a salesman comes to his door selling rabbits. "That's a mighty fine looking rabbit you have there," says the old man. "How much do you want for it?"

"This one sells for 20 bucks," says the salesman.

"That's mighty expensive for a rabbit," says the hillbilly. "Tell you what, my ...

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So there's this guy, let's call him Paul Yankee.

So Paul Yankee had been dating this girl Wendy Norris for a few years, so he finally proposed and she said yes.

Fast forward to the wedding and they are the happiest people to ever exist. Mr Paul Yankee and Mrs Wendy Yankee decided to go to Jamaica for their honeymoon. As a surprise for his ...

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