A man was brought to a hospital with heavily fractured bones.

The doctor in the intensive care unit asks him, "Are you married?"

"No, I've been run over by a truck."

I fractured my kneecap please send me jokes

Right now my humor is as broken as my ability to stand

I tried to get into online dating, but then I fractured my wrist...

I couldn't pick up lines

My first wife died from eating poison mushrooms; my second wife died of a fractured skull...

She wouldn't eat her mushrooms.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I fractured my tailbone this morning.

I guess you could say I was pretty butthurt.

A man goes to a marriage agency to see about finding a wife...

The agency man (AM) who works there greets him and starts to ask him the usual questions to get to know him. Name, age, that kind of thing. He also asks him -

AM - "So, you have been married before?"

"Twice" the man responds.

AM - "Ah ok. I see. So what happened to your previous...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

man writing to his insurance

I am writing in response to your request for additional information.  In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident.  You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient:

I am a bric...

Before he died Stephen Hawking went on his first date for years

When he returned he'd broken his glasses, fractured his wrist and broken his knee.

Apparently she stood him up

Joke (Dark) The widow in mourning.

My co-worker had just lost his wife.
After he came back to work, I went to speak to him and give my condolences.

Me: Really sorry to hear about your wife

Co-worker: It's OK, I will survive. This is not the first time it has happened.

I was surprised.

Me: Sorry, I did...

Jim was interrogated by the police Officer

This was concerning an injured man with a fractured skull.

Officer: Why was the man hurt?

Jim: He was trespassing on my property!

Officer: That does not explain why he was injured?

Jim: That guy’s a thief! I found him in the garden trying to sneak into my house!
<...

A caretaker at a cemetery sees a woman crying over a grave...

"I'm sorry for your loss ma'am, was that your husband?"
"Yes. He died eating a poison mushroom"

The next day the caretaker sees the same woman crying over a different grave.
"Ma'am I'm so sorry. Who was he?"
"This was my second husband. He also died eating a poison mushroom"

T...

A husband tells his wife about the car crash he got into...

Husband: Hey, I got in a car crash today. I got hurt real bad, I broke my arm and fractured my wrist. I also sprained my ankle and the car nearly exploded! Luckily Lucy pulled me out of the car just before it exploded. I spent a couple days in hospital but I'm fine now.

Wife: Who's Lucy?

Some of my favorite Scandinavian UFF DA jokes

Ole and Lars were business partners and good friends. One day Lars started off for work and discovered he'd forgotten his tools. Returning home, he looked around for his wife, Lena, and finally found her in the bedroom. To his surprise, she was on the bed with no clothes on. "Vat in the vorld are yo...

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The wrong hand

'Hey, what happened to your hand?'

'It got fractured, had got stuck in the car door.'

'Oh crap! But thankfully it's your left hand, had it been your dominant hand, would've become very difficult to manage.'

'Actually it WAS my right hand that was about to be stuck. But I had the...

First Aid Saves

"How come you're late?" asks the Manager as I walked through the door.

"It was awful," I explained. "I was walking down West road and there was this terrible accident. I saw a woman lying in the middle of the road. She'd been thrown from her car. Her leg was broken, her skull was fractured, ...

"Honey, I just got into a terrible bike accident..

... So I don't think I can pick up the groceries on the way home. I think I broke my legs and maybe even a fractured rib. I'm bleeding all over too. Diane is bringing me to the hospital right now."

"Who's Diane?"

Girl's priorities.

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