A man walks into a brothel and speaks to the Old Madame up front.

The Madame asks “What kind of girl would you like?”

The man says, “Well looks aren’t important, I just need a girl who’ll say yes to anything. And I mean anything.”

“Well that shouldn’t be too hard,” chuckled the Madame. “Jennifer! Come over and help this man here.” And with that, a go...

Wait, what do you mean Madame Curie is dead?

Because the last time I saw her, she was positively glowing!

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A guy walks in to a brothel and puts $1000 down on the table. He then says to the madame "I want your ugliest girl and macaroni and cheese."

The madame replies "for that kind of money, you can have one of our finest girls and a three course gourmet meal." The guy replies "Sorry honey, I'm not horny, just home sick."

Little Johnny brought his great grandfather to show n tell

The noted WWI Ace began to speak about his years flying in the war; "There were Fokkers all around us, left and right, above and below."
The teacher nervously interjected "Class, the Fokker was an airplane."
Johnny's Grandfather turned to her and said "HARRUMPH! That may be, madame, but these ...

You are obese!

A woman visits the doctor

Doctor: Madame, you are obese.

Woman: What?? I demand a second opinion!

Doctor: Your hair looks stupid.

A collection of jokes from Ancient Rome

Jokes of the Ancient Romans



Some provincial man has come to Rome, and while walking on the streets he was drawing everyone's attention, being a real double of the emperor Augustus. The emperor, having brought him to the palace, looks at him and then asks: "Tell me, young man, did you...

What happens when you take my wife to Madame Tussauds?

Me and the wife went to Madame Tussauds chamber of horrors today. The wife was really enjoying it.
Until one of the workers said "Keep her moving sir, we're stock-taking..."

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A man walks into a brothel...

Which is well known for its good looking ladies and good food.
He walks up to the desk and slams £1000 on the counter "I'd like the toughest most over cooked steak you do and the ugliest girl you have for one hour. But she needs to tell me she has a headache and to do it myself" The madame looks ...

I haven't seen this one here before

Late one Friday night, John visits the brothel. As he walks in, he is greeted by all the usual faces.

"Hey John, back again?"

"Johnny boy. Must be payday."

So on and so forth.

Then the Madame of the house spots him and hurries over.

"Mr. John. How lovely to...

*Knock knock* "Who's there?" "Madame." "Madame who?"

Madame foots stuck in the door.

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A lady walks into a luxury car dealership

A lady walks into a luxury car dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line BMW and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accide...

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Prime Minister's Wife Makes a Faux Pas

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and ...

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The Fisherman

An esteemed researcher in the field of physiology of human sexuality is giving a lecture at the public library on a rainy Tuesday night.

He is explaining the density of nerve endings and his research on the female orgasm.

“While the majority of women experience clitoral orgasm due the...

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Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."


Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do together."


The husband begrudgingly accepts his wife request and they go to the golf course. On the first tee the hu...

A winter storm blew in from the east during the Revolution

General Washington decided he needed to find a place to stay for him and his 43 men. The first place they found was a farm. The farmer, seeing just how many men the General had knew he couldn’t keep almost most of them on the farm, but was wanted to help the cause so in compromise he agreed to let j...

An old buck rabbit and his son go hopping down to the field to graze, and the father notices the does are ready for mating.

So he says to his son, "Son, it's time you learned how this is done," and he hops onto the nearest doe and gets on with business, and when he's done he hops off again and says "*Merci, madame*!" and says to his son, "And you always say 'thank you' like a gentleman. Now I'll start this end of the lin...

Romie couldn’t take his eyes off of Julie

and so one day he plucked up the courage to ask her out on a date. He told her to meet him at the new fancy Italian restaurant at 7pm.

Romie got their early and Julie arrived at bang on 7pm as agreed. They both walk in to the restaurant and the waiter takes them to a romantic table alone in ...

During the Cold War, a British officer goes into a Cologne brothel.

He stands smartly at ease in front of the madame and says "*Guten abend*! May I enquire what your payment might be for the pleasure of my company?"

She looks him up and down, considers his rank and the likely size of his pay packet, and says "*Herr Hauptmann*, two hundred and fifty Deutschmar...

Little Johnny was on a park bench having a cigarette when a Karen walks up to him.

“Excuse me, young boy, but those things will take years off your life.”

“With all due respect madame, I’ll have you know that my grand-father lived to the ripe old age of 104.”

“Did he smoke also?”

“No. He minded his own f\*\*king business.”

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Charles de Gaulle's wife,...

Madame de Gaulle was said to have been lunching with the American ambassador at the time of her husband's retirement when she was asked what she was most looking forward to in the years ahead.

She thought for a moment before announcing boldly: "A penis". A startled hush fell over the table un...

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A guy felt a bit lonely

So he goes to a brothel and tells the madame that he wants something 'out of the oridinary'.

Madame replies: We've a goat. Do you want the goat?

The guy says: No, something even more kinky.

Madame: We've an alien from the planet Mars.

Guy: No, even more kinky.

Mad...

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I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel...

I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel. The Madame asked, "what can we do for you?"
I said, "I need a woman to lay with, for mine has left me."
The Madame asked "You poor thing; whatever for? And why do you have a jackass and a honeycomb?"
"Well," I answered, "my woma...

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