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Kim Kardashian Jokes

I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn't swim.

The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.

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What do Sea Turtles and Kim Kardashians Ass have in common?

They're both filled with Plastic.

Why did Donald Trump invite Kim Kardashian to talk about prison reform?

Because she's had more black dudes in her than a jail cell.

What's the difference between Los Angeles and Kim Kardashian?

One is a dirty, washed-up place many great men have visited. The other one is a city in California.

What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and the moon?

You actually have to put in some effort to see the moon's backside.

What did the media say about Kim Kardashian swimming

There's too much plastic in our oceans.

What does a hidden compartment in a drawer have in common with Kim Kardashian?

The false bottom

What do you do if you see Kim Kardashian drowning?

Nothing, she's plastic so she'll float anyway.

Make fun of Kim Kardashians baby name choice for 'North West' if you want...

But that child is going straight to the top...

And slightly to the left...

Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common?

Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West.

When Kim Kardashian dies...

Will she be put in a grave or melted along with the rest of the plastic?

If Kanye West and Kim Kardashian both caught on fire in your gym and you only had ONE bucket of water.....

.... would you squat or deadlift first?

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

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I'm really impressed by both Kim Kardashian and Caitlyn Jenner...

Both women got famous by making a dick disappear.

What do Phil Swift and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They're only famous because of a tape.

Has Kim Kardashian Broken The Internet?

I'm not sure if Kim Kardashian has actually managed to 'break the internet', but she's certainly put a big crack in it!

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What does Hurricane Katrina and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They have both swallowed hundreds of black kids :)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Kim Kardashian use to fix holes

Sex tape

What do you call plastic that’s wrapped in fabric?

Kim Kardashian

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TIL that Kim Kardashian's giant ass has it's own birth certificate, and even has a legal name:

Kanye

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Why can’t Kim Kardashian find her asshole?

He’s on tour.

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Kim Kardashian's butt

Q: What do you call the space between Kim Kardashian's breasts and butt cheeks? 
A: Silicon Valley.

Kim Kardashian is a big fan of Einstein

After she discovered he invented reality tv

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What do Kim Kardashian and her dad have in common?

They both got famous for getting a black man off.

Did you hear about the party they threw when Kim Kardashian tripped and fell today?

It was a Hoedown.

What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and a homeless man who works at McDonalds?

One of those greasy bums is making a lot more money.

How did Kim Kardashian inform her kid that she and Kanye were separating?

“North, my relationship with West has gone south.”

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are divorcing.

After naming their kids after directions they're the ones going south.

Kim Kardashian arrives in India for the first time, she walks out of the airport, and to her surprise, everyone on the streets stops, turns towards her, and kneels in humility and reverence

Little did she know, they worship cows over there!

What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?

They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.

After being robbed in Paris Kim Kardashian has been silent, Kanye cancelled concerts, and Keeping Up With The Kardashians filming has been suspended......

After being robbed in Paris Kim Kardashian has been silent, Kanye cancelled concerts, and Keeping Up With The Kardashians filming has been suspended......
Best gift from France ever!!!

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have named their newborn Psalm West. I have only one question.

Is it a hymn or a her?

Kim Kardashian, Pitbull and Amy Schumer walk into a bar.

They set it lower.

What’s the difference between Kim Kardashian and a colored wash?

Whites occasionally get inside a colored wash.

I heard China recently banned plastic waste

They better not let Kim Kardashian in this week.

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I slapped Kim Kardashian’s ass once

I don’t like his music.

Richard Spencer is the Kim Kardashian of the alt-right...

I have no idea why he's famous and I only know his name because some dude pounded him on video.

How does Kanye make Kim Kardashian's eyes twinkle?

He shines a flashlight in her ear.

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I searched google for photos of Kim Kardashians asshole, but I think their servers are messed up.

All I get is photos of Kanye West

How does Kim Kardashian like her eggs?

Over-Yeezy.

^forgive ^me

[All credit to Ana Kasparian from the TYT Network] So, I heard Kim Kardashian is having Kanye West's baby...

At least she let him finish.

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An aspiring rapper finds a genie in a bottle...

"What are your three wishes?" the genie asks?

"First, I want to bring back Tupac and Biggie," he says. POOF! Tupac Shakir and Notorious B.I.G. appear beside him.

"Next I want to us all to live in Snoop's crib." POOF! The three are kicking it inside Snoop Dogg's huge mansion.
...

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Kim Kardashian goes for cosmetic surgery...

So Kim goes to a cosmetic surgeon to get an ol' nip and tuck of her private parts. Getting rid of useless skin that’s attached to you is the 'in' thing to do these days, you know (no, I’m not talking about Kayne). Of course, she would like everyone involved in the operation to keep the affair high...

What does a terrorist say when about to kill Kim Kardashian's Husband?

Death to the West!

(Sorry if this is a repost, if so I'll remove it)

Kim Kardashian getting 6 million dollars stolen is a lot like if I got the condom that's been in my wallet since I was 12 stolen...

Am I gonna miss it? Yeah.
Was I gonna use it? No.

I saw Kim Kardashian walk into the Subway I work at, order five sandwiches, and walk back out holding all of them. I wasn’t surprised.

It’s not the first time she’s taken several footlongs at once.

Keeping Up With The Kardashians is ending

Kim Kardashians professional career is behind her

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After seeing the Kim Kardashian cover of Paper Magazine, Sir Mix-a-lot, reportedly tipped his hat, muttered that his work here was done and rocketed into space to return to his home planet

Uranus...

"If you work hard, you can break barriers."

- Kim Kardashian West (genuine quote)

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George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Trump die in a plane crash

They go up to the pearly gates to be judged. Each of them finds himself standing in front of a huge oak door. Then a voice booms out, "George Bush, you have led a sinful life, now this will be your punishment throughout all eternity."

They Bush's door creaks open and an ugly old witch comes o...

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"I just deleted all the German names off my phone."

***"It's Hans free"***

*Funniest joke at this years Fringe by Darren Walsh.*

**The rest of the top ten.**

2 -"Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West" - Stewart Francis

3 - "Surely every car is a people carrier?" - Adam Hess

4 - "...

[Long] A man and his wife are living in a cabin in the woods...

One day, the man goes to the well to get some water for the cabin before going to chop firewood, and clumsily drops his trusty hatchet into the well. The spirit of the well rises and says 'I am the spirit of the well, and help those who lose possesions in my well'. He asks the man what he needs help...

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