I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn't swim.

The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.

What's the difference between the Titanic and Kim Kardashian?

The number of people who rode the Titanic is known.

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What do Sea Turtles and Kim Kardashians Ass have in common?

They're both filled with Plastic.

What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and the moon?

You actually have to put in some effort to see the moon's backside.

Why did Donald Trump invite Kim Kardashian to talk about prison reform?

Because she's had more black dudes in her than a jail cell.

What's the difference between Los Angeles and Kim Kardashian?

One is a dirty, washed-up place many great men have visited. The other one is a city in California.

If Kanye West and Kim Kardashian both caught on fire in your gym and you only had ONE bucket of water.....

.... would you squat or deadlift first?

How did Kim Kardashian tell her kid about her upcoming divorce with Kanye?

North, things between West and I have gone South.

What do you do if you see Kim Kardashian drowning?

Nothing, she's plastic so she'll float anyway.

What did the Walmart cashier ask Kim Kardashian?

Do you need plastic?

What did the media say about Kim Kardashian swimming

There's too much plastic in our oceans.

Make fun of Kim Kardashians baby name choice for 'North West' if you want...

But that child is going straight to the top...

And slightly to the left...

What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV

Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common?

Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West.

What do Kim Kardashian and drug smugglers have in common?

False bottoms

What do Phil Swift and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They're only famous because of a tape.

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What does Hurricane Katrina and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They have both swallowed hundreds of black kids :)

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Kim Kardashian dating Pete Davidson is ….

… pretty fucking funny.

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I'm really impressed by both Kim Kardashian and Caitlyn Jenner...

Both women got famous by making a dick disappear.

When Kim Kardashian dies...

Will she be put in a grave or melted along with the rest of the plastic?

Kim Kardashian arrives in India for the first time, she walks out of the airport, and to her surprise, everyone on the streets stops, turns towards her, and kneels in humility and reverence

Little did she know, they worship cows over there!

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are divorcing.

After naming their kids after directions they're the ones going south.

What do Kim Kardashian and Kim Jong-un have in common?

They both host national TV shows.

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TIL that Kim Kardashian's giant ass has it's own birth certificate, and even has a legal name:

Kanye

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Why can’t Kim Kardashian find her asshole?

He’s on tour.

Did you hear about the party they threw when Kim Kardashian tripped and fell today?

It was a Hoedown.

Has Kim Kardashian Broken The Internet?

I'm not sure if Kim Kardashian has actually managed to 'break the internet', but she's certainly put a big crack in it!

What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and a homeless man who works at McDonalds?

One of those greasy bums is making a lot more money.

What do you call plastic that’s wrapped in fabric?

Kim Kardashian

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Kim Kardashian's butt

Q: What do you call the space between Kim Kardashian's breasts and butt cheeks? 
A: Silicon Valley.

What is Kim Kardashian’s favourite snack?

Ye’s nuts

Kim Kardashian, Pitbull and Amy Schumer walk into a bar.

They set it lower.

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What do Kim Kardashian and her dad have in common?

They both got famous for getting a black man off.

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I searched google for photos of Kim Kardashians asshole, but I think their servers are messed up.

All I get is photos of Kanye West

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What does Kim Kardashian use to fix holes

Sex tape

Kim Kardashian is a big fan of Einstein

After she discovered he invented reality tv

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have named their newborn Psalm West. I have only one question.

Is it a hymn or a her?

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I slapped Kim Kardashian’s ass once

I don’t like his music.

After being robbed in Paris Kim Kardashian has been silent, Kanye cancelled concerts, and Keeping Up With The Kardashians filming has been suspended......

After being robbed in Paris Kim Kardashian has been silent, Kanye cancelled concerts, and Keeping Up With The Kardashians filming has been suspended......
Best gift from France ever!!!

How does Kanye make Kim Kardashian's eyes twinkle?

He shines a flashlight in her ear.

Richard Spencer is the Kim Kardashian of the alt-right...

I have no idea why he's famous and I only know his name because some dude pounded him on video.

I heard China recently banned plastic waste

They better not let Kim Kardashian in this week.

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An aspiring rapper finds a genie in a bottle...

"What are your three wishes?" the genie asks?

"First, I want to bring back Tupac and Biggie," he says. POOF! Tupac Shakir and Notorious B.I.G. appear beside him.

"Next I want to us all to live in Snoop's crib." POOF! The three are kicking it inside Snoop Dogg's huge mansion.
...

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Nigel Farage, Donald Trump and Kim Kardashian dies and go to hell.

The Satan welcomes Nigel and says "We will give you a chance. You will be living in the hell from now on but, you have to choose following punishments that I will show you."
They started to walk in the hell to show him couple of punishments to pick one. First, the Satan shows a man working in th...

What does a terrorist say when about to kill Kim Kardashian's Husband?

Death to the West!

(Sorry if this is a repost, if so I'll remove it)

What's the difference between Einstein and Kim Kardashian?

Einstein is famous for special relativity, Kim is famous for simple reality tv.

How does Kim Kardashian like her eggs?

Over-Yeezy.

^forgive ^me

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Kim Kardashian goes for cosmetic surgery...

So Kim goes to a cosmetic surgeon to get an ol' nip and tuck of her private parts. Getting rid of useless skin that’s attached to you is the 'in' thing to do these days, you know (no, I’m not talking about Kayne). Of course, she would like everyone involved in the operation to keep the affair high...

[All credit to Ana Kasparian from the TYT Network] So, I heard Kim Kardashian is having Kanye West's baby...

At least she let him finish.

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After seeing the Kim Kardashian cover of Paper Magazine, Sir Mix-a-lot, reportedly tipped his hat, muttered that his work here was done and rocketed into space to return to his home planet

Uranus...

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

Keeping Up With The Kardashians is ending

Kim Kardashians professional career is behind her

When Martha Stewart cooks it’s homemade...

When Kim Kardashian cooks it’s hoe-made.

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George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Trump die in a plane crash

They go up to the pearly gates to be judged. Each of them finds himself standing in front of a huge oak door. Then a voice booms out, "George Bush, you have led a sinful life, now this will be your punishment throughout all eternity."

They Bush's door creaks open and an ugly old witch comes o...

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"I just deleted all the German names off my phone."

***"It's Hans free"***

*Funniest joke at this years Fringe by Darren Walsh.*

**The rest of the top ten.**

2 -"Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West" - Stewart Francis

3 - "Surely every car is a people carrier?" - Adam Hess

4 - "...

Peter Berg has decided to adapt the Thai boys rescue effort as a movie .

Mark Wahlberg will play one of the divers .

Scarlett Johansson will be one of the Thai boys.

And Kim Kardashian will play the role of the cave .

"If you work hard, you can break barriers."

- Kim Kardashian West (genuine quote)

[Long] A man and his wife are living in a cabin in the woods...

One day, the man goes to the well to get some water for the cabin before going to chop firewood, and clumsily drops his trusty hatchet into the well. The spirit of the well rises and says 'I am the spirit of the well, and help those who lose possesions in my well'. He asks the man what he needs help...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes for 2/22

Facebook has begun suspending Native Americans’ accounts for not using their "legal names." Native Americans said, "That's okay -- we're used to having things taken away from us."

Mattel is developing a new Barbie that is always connected to the internet. Once you plug the Barbie in, it logs ...

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