Kilts Jokes

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from 100 meters away.

She walks up to an old man on the streets of Glasgow and asks 'excuse me, do you ever wear a kilt?'

'Aye, about once a week or so you'll catch me in a kilt.'

'Well when you wear a kilt, do you wear tights underneath?'

'Aye, every time I've worn a kilt for the past three years I ... read more

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

The sheep in the field learned to run when they heard a zipper...

He drinks a fair bit more than he should have, and after struggling for a while to make it home on foot, he finally decides to lay in the grass by the road and sleep it off.

A group of girls walk by and see him lying there, one of them remarks that she'd heard Scotsmen don't wear anything be... read more

The last person to call it a skirt got kilt.

A: Because a sheep can hear the sound of a zipper from fifty feet away.

-Iain MacKintosh, Glasgow folksinger

Because sheep can hear the sound of a fly being undone.

(Recycled the joke from Mordecai Richler's "Barney's Version". It's a very good read with lots of content to laugh at if you have the time)

...if they're packing a quarter pounder under there, they're a McDonald.

While she is there, she sees a local in traditional Scottish attire. She walks up to him as says "excuse me, I don't want to be rude, but there is something I have always wondered: is it true that Scotsmen don't wear anything beneath their kilts?"

"Well, lassie" says the Scotsman "why don't y... read more

They wear kilts in a country where thistles grow waist-high.

...is at a pub when a man walks in in a kilt.

She's on vacation, and she's been drinking so she's brave enough to ask the question that's been on her mind.

"Excuse me sir, but what do you guys wear underneath your kilts?"

"Ayy lass, go'on an 'ave a look for yourself".

S... read more

You lift their kilts, and whichever one of them has a Quarter Pounder is a McDonald!

...when she noticed a man passed out against a tree. Curious of what men wore underneath their kilts, she decided there was no better time to find out. She giggled softly, took her ribbon, and tied it at a strategic location.

The next morning the Scotsman woke up with a terrible hangover and ... read more

Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Cause sheep can hear a zipper at 50 yards.

Why do the English wear trousers? Cause goats are deaf.