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Gottfried Jokes

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NSFW My Favorite Gilbert Gottfried joke

NSFW

A man goes to see his wife in the hospital. She has been getting sicker and sicker and is clearly in the final days of her life. He goes to her and holds her hand and stares into his wife's eyes and asks her if there is anything at all he can do for her. His wife can barely speak and he...

RIP Gilbert Gottfried...

Now he can finally tell that infamous 9/11 joke to the people who were in the towers.

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rip gilbert gottfried

there's a family about to eat breakfast, a mom, a dad, and two little boys. the mom looks at one of the kids and asked him what he would like for
breakfast, he said "i would like the fucking french toast". the mom then started to slap him and the dad took of his belt and started beating him, they...

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A man wakes up in the hospital. An attractive nurse says “you were in a bad accident and you can’t feel anything from the waist down”…

So the man replies, “well then can I feel your tits?”


-Gilbert Gottfried original told on the Doug Loves Movies podcast. RIP Gilbert.

Bob Saget, Norm Macdonald, and Gilbert Gottfried walk into a bar

There's no punchline, I'm just really sad now.

When I heard the sad news that Gilbert Gottfried had passed away....

I half-expected his cause of death was anaphylAFLAC shock.

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Lottery- Gilbert Gottfried

A man comes home to his wife and says "Honey pack your bags I just won the lottery!" She says "What should I pack?" He says "I don't care just pack and get the fuck out!"

Gilbert Gottfried may have joked about tragedies right after they happened, but he still had a big heart.

Weak, but big.




P.S. RIP Gilbert

What do you get when you cross Gilbert Gottfried and Donald Trump?

A migraine.

Whom did the German philosopher quote when his friend dipped his hand in boiling oil?

Johann Gottfried

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How do pants fit on a man with 5 penises?

Like a glove


>-Gilbert Gottfried (shortened)

A man walks into a restaurant...

A man walks into a restaurant and sees a sign that reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $2.00 SALAD: $4.50 HAND JOB: $15.00

He decides to order and an exceptionally attractive blonde comes over. "What may I get you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand j...

A man rushes to the hospital after his wife gets in a severe car accident.

(one of my favorite jokes, I believe originally from Gilbert Gottfried)

Upon arrival the surgeon rushes out to see him.
**Surgeon:** Sir, I'm afraid I have terrible news. Your wife was in a severe accident and she is paralyzed from the neck down. From here on out, you'll have to do every...

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