What do call a Russian not working jumbo jet?

Jumbo nyet

(Sorry)

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A pilot is flying a jumbo jet, he comes on the intercom and says, this is your pilot, we’re flying at 30,000 feet, traveling at over 500 miles an hour and will be at our destination in about an hour, he hangs up the mic but doesn’t turn it off and says to the co-pilot,...

Ya’know, I think I’m going to smoke a cigarette and then see if I can get a little pussy off that new stewardess! Well she hears this and comes running from the back of the plane to tell him that his mic is still on and trips over an old lady’s purse and falls into the isle! The old lady then says t...

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What has a jumbo jet and your mum got in common?

They've both got a big cockpit.

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There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.

-Edit my dad told me this joke and I just got some of the parts I remembered but I’m pretty sure this is all it

Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies...

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Pilot says to the passengers on a 747 Jumbo Jet one of the engines has failed but don't worry it only adds quarter of hour to the journey then a second and third engine fail Captain says don't worry it will only add another hour and half to the journey, Paddy says:

Fucking hell if the fourth engine fails, we could be up here all day...

I went to the local hot dog guy and said, “Can I get a jumbo sausage?”

He said, “Sure. It shouldn’t be long.”

Me: In that case, can I get two?

I'm like a jumbo kosher pickle

Guess you could say I'm a pretty big dill.

I really like oxymorons. Phrases like jumbo shrimp, organized chaos, open secret

Or United States of America.

A woman goes out boating one day...

A woman takes the boat out one afternoon, but does not come back. The next day, her husband answers a knock at the door to two grim-faced State Troopers.

"Good afternoon sir, regarding your wife we have some bad news, good news, and really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
...

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A woman is flying on a jumbo-jet.

After they get up in the air the loudspeaker comes on: This is your Captain Ramaa Kirti. We are cruising at 35,000 feet etc etc...
When the announcement is finished the woman passenger beckons to a stewardess and asks: Is it really true that this great big airplane is being flown by a woman? ...

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A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on it's final approach.

The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto".

He forgot to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The ...

What’s a Jumbo Jet’s favorite kind of bagel?

Plane.

What Did The Jumbo Shrimp Say To The Jumbo Crab?

"Looks like you've got me in a pinch."

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What is the last thing to go through a sea gull's mind when it gets hit by a jumbo jet?

It's ass.

Doctor: “I’m afraid that it was a severe allergy that led to you suffering an anaphylactic shock.”

Patient: “Enough medical mumbo-jumbo doc. Just give it to me in a nutshell.”

A husband’s new wife really wants...

A husband’s new wife really wants to go on a cruise for their honeymoon. The husband agrees, even though he tends to get horribly seasick on the water.

So the day before the wedding, he goes to a drugstore. He gets a jumbo pack of condoms, and the largest bottle of dramamine in the store.
...

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Three men and the wishing cliff

There were once three men and a magical wishing cliff. Legend was when you jumped off the cliff to say your wish you would turn into what you wished for. As it came to be three men who knew of the cliff decided to take their chances and go to the wishing cliff. The first of the jumped and wished to...

Man wishes to understand women.

A man is surfing along the beaches of Southern California when he spots a strange looking bottle washed ashore nearby. He makes his way over to the bottle and tries to rub off the sand caked on the front of it so he can read it. However, this causes the bottle to start shaking violently in his hands...

A land whale walks into a restaurant

After this fat man sits down, he calls a waiter over and orders a sumptuous meal and a jumbo "diet" coke. He then calls the waiter over and says:

"Hey waiter! Turn up the AC! It's too damn hot!"
The waiter, being a compliant worker, heads back and emerges after a minute. After a few minute...

Some oxymorons

An oxymoron is a phrase with two words put together that are opposite in meaning and thus create a new meaning.

Here are some examples:

1) Living Dead

2) Jumbo Shrimp

3) Happy Marriage

4) Intelligent Redditor

Willpower

I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'

I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

"I would like one Lotto ticket, please."

Upon reaching the counter at his local market our fellow says, "I would like one Lotto ticket, please." The woman behind the counter looks at him disappointedly. "You don't want a Lotto ticket."
Not dissuaded, the man says, "Yes I do. One Lotto ticket please."
"It's a fool's bet." The woman ...

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