What happens when you do nothing about a respiratory pandemic?

Your followers turn blue.

Today, I'm just gonna do nothing...

My friend said: "But, you did nothing yesterday too!!"
\-Yeah, I know. I haven't finished it yet.

How can you get paid to do nothing?

Change your last name to kardashian.

I'd say that Mexicans do nothing but sleep

But that's just a lazy stereotype.

When we see typos and do nothing

the errorists win

The best way to fight ISIS is to do nothing...

The more suicide bombers there are the less suicide bombers there are

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When m'y girlfriend said let's not bother and do nothing this year for valentine's day

I agreed and realised way later that included sex

My feet were killing me yesterday. I bought some in-soles thinking they'd probably do nothing to help.

Today I stand corrected.

Finding overnight fame is like finding food that was delivered to your house by accident

"Whoa what is this!"

"I didn't ask for this, how did this happen?"

"I'm sure there's someone out there who should have this instead of me"

"What do I even do now, should I call someone to tell them about this?"

*Three minutes later*

"Well...it's not like I'm going...

Once there was a dragon slayer named Nick.....

Nick was a wealthy man, due to the fact that there were many dragons around the kingdom that required killing. The king of the land used to pay a great price for every dragon killed. But Nick had a deep secret, he had a massive desire to sleep with the queen, even if it was just for a night.
One...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Had to shit

Just over halfway through the flight, all the coffee in my stomach feels like it's percolating its way down into my lower intestine. I hunker down and try and focus on other things. What feels like an hour, but probably isn't more than twenty minutes, passes. We then enter what turns out to be prett...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

6 Life Lessons

6 life lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Himalayan Dick BABA

A man had a tiny penis. He went to doctors,surgeons, faith healers , witch doctors etc to try and get it larger.
All their knowledge was in vain as they could do nothing about it.
A relative of his who saw this, told him about a baba who lived on the peak of the Himalayas who had been kno...

Committee, n.:

A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen

3 Nuns go for a walk

The 3 Nuns walk past a large bush. From the bush, a naked man jumps out.

The first 2 Nuns do nothing, the third has a stroke.

An Aligator and a Monkey meet by the river. The monkey is smoking something.

Aligator: Hey, what have you got there?

Monkey: I've got some of that good stuff man, it's that OG kush everyone's been talking about, you'll take one puff and you're gone! I'm telling you!

Aligator: Nah, mate,that's bull, lemme try some tho.

Aligator pulls once, nothing. Twice....

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.

The audience was different each week so he did the same tricks over and over. The problem was, the captain's parrot saw all the shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

He started shouting in the middle of the show: 'Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he's hiding the fl...

They say nothing is impossible

But i do nothing every day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Johnson walks into a doctor's office and says to the doctor, "My penis has turned orange."

The doctor asks to see his penis, and sure enough, Mr. Johnson's penis is as orange as a carrot.

"What's wrong with my penis?" asks Mr. Johnson.

"When someone's penis turns a strange colour," says the doctor, "it's usually because of stress. Have you lost your job recently?"

"Y...

A woman died and went to heaven...

She got to the pearly gates to find an angel waiting.

"What do I have to do to get in?," she asked.

"You just have to spell a word" the angel replied.

"That doesn't sound bad, what word do I have to spell?"

"Love."

Relieved, the woman quickly fired off "L-O-V-E". T...

It's hard being a teenager

If I could do things in my own way, I could do nothing in a more productive way

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.