UPJOKE
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Unreliable Jokes

My boss said I was too unreliable.

"Can you give me an example of when I've been too unreliable?" I asked.

"Yesterday's shift was a prime example," she replied.

"What are you talking about? I didn't even work yesterday..."

Why are Russian automobiles the most unreliable?

They're always Stalin

What is the most unreliable kind of fish?

The sel-fish

People are so unreliable

Waited in all day for someone to come and fix my broken doorbell, but they never turned up.

Say "Unreliable Airline" three times fast.

Delta
Delta
Delta

I came up with a joke about an unreliable bomb

Chances are it won't blow up

Calculators can be pretty unreliable

But you can always count on your hands

I won the Most Unreliable Employee award.

I'll collect it when I can be bothered to go back in.

What’s the only way to kill an unreliable narrator?

With a canonball

I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.


One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

Why is hay so unreliable?

It keeps baleing

Drinking an entire bottle of wine in under an hour is a lot like entrusting a secret to a unreliable person;

It's bound to come up sooner or later!

Knock knock joke

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Unreliable Narrator.

Unreliable Narrator who?

That’s not what I said.

My nephew is in the 'why' phase of his life as a 6 year old...

and I told him 'Because it feels nice and you're an unreliable witness!'

In my early 20s, I was a scumbag - no car, no house, no job. I lived at with my girlfriend's apartment, and sometimes I'd even borrow her car when I went out to cheat on her.

I say "borrow", but I didn't exactly ask her for permission. She worked as a bank teller, so I'd simply wait till she fell asleep -- Then I'd sneak into the night.

When I returned, I'd adjust the seat, radio, and mirrors back how they were before. The less questions, I figured, the better, ...

What's the difference between a girder and a joist?

it's my cake day, so here's my favorite joke.

An Irishman is out of work and decides to go to a construction site and apply. The foreman is an older English fellow who doesn't care for Irishmen, thinks they're drunks and dumb and unreliable. But he knows he can't just come out and say that.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harley Davidson creator dies and meets God

The Creator of Harley Davidson dies and meets St Peter at the pearly gates. Peter asks him, "why would you create something like a Harley?? They're loud, unreliable, slow, never on time, and expensive. I'm going to have to take you to God to make the decision." So he takes him to God and God asks h...

I'm a man of my word...

and that word is "unreliable"

A good looking woman woman walks in a bar with her boyfriend and says, "you should be lucky to be with me, i am a Maserati in a world of Kia's"

Bemused the man replies, "What? you mean overpriced, unreliable and will lose half of your value in 5 years?"

My friend pulled a girl on a night out and ended up going back to her house where they made amazing love all night long.

In the morning, she excused herself early as she had to go to work and she left her number for my friend to call her later.

After a lie in he got up, showered and dressed, but before he left her house he couldn’t help but have a quick snoop in her bedroom drawers.

In one drawer he foun...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

*After Breakup due to commitment issues*

Girlfriend : You're an unreliable pathetic fuck. I'm leaving! Bye!
Me : Can't say adieu.

LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

My first wife was a Brit. I loved her accent and the different words she had for things.

She called the bathroom the "loo." She called the pharmacy the "chemist." But my favorite was the "post." It was a noun and a verb. The mail I brought home was called the "post," and when she wanted me to mail something, I was "posting" it.

We were not wealthy by any means, but after we had b...

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