This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All my wife drinks is Alkaline Vapor Distilled Ionized Water.

She’s such a basic bitch.

I didn’t feel like cooking tonight, so I made a sandwich for dinner

It wasn’t so much as a sandwich as much as it was just bread.

I guess more just grain.

Fermented grain.

Distilled, fermented grain.

I had whisky for dinner tonight.

A mom goes to the liquor store

I went to the liquor store to buy some specialty Spirits... it’s this distilled brandy that is spiced with cardamom....

Can you believe they carded me?

The clerk said he was required to always cardamom, no matter how old they look.

Tom Cruise is making a movie about distilling moonshine during prohibition

It’s called Whisky Business

A friend told me he started selling artisan home-distilled fermented grain mash on etsy...

I replied, "Sounds like a whiskey buisness."

I don't drink alcohol. I drink distilled spirits.

So I'm not an alcoholic. I'm spiritual.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Official outdoor temperature scale

Official outdoor temperature scale:

+10 Residents of Vilnius apartments wear sweaters and put on wool socks. The Finns plant flowers.

+5 Finns sunbathe in the sun.

+2 Italian cars don’t start.

0 Distilled water freezes.

-1 Breathing becomes visible. It's time ...

I went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached me and asked...

MAID: -What would you like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?

ME: -Tea pls.

MAID: -Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?

ME: -Ceylon Tea pls.

MAID: -How do you want it, black or white?...

My middle school chemistry teacher once told us...

"Alcohol is not a solution, it's a distillation" \*smirks\*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The police knocked on the door of a small Appalachian farmhouse.

"Good evening sir. We have received a report that you have been distilling illegal moonshine!"

"Me?! Moonshining?! That is a god damn lie! Never have I been so insulted in my entire life! I've never done anything like that! These are evil rumours that somebody has spread! - And I'll tell you ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Emergency supplies.

Three friends decide to go on a luxury cruise around the world. On the third night, the ship suffer's catastrophic damage in a storm and begins to sink. The three jump overboard and cling to debris to stay afloat. The next morning, they awake to find themselves washed up on a nearby small island. Th...

Bono heated and cooled his vodka over and over, filtering it to try and get the perfect taste...

But distill hasn't found what he's looking for.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old enough to serve, not old enough to be served: the Army and Alcohol

There was a thread a while back where a pun thread took off; it was about the moral hypocrisy of being allowed to put your life at risk fighting in war, while simultaneously not being allowed to drink alcohol.

While I detest most pun threads, this one seemed entertaining to me for some reason...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.