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Hymns Jokes

I tried to buy a Mortal Kombat soundtrack.

All I could find were Finnish Hymns.

A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle.

Husband: Programs for mobile devices. 4 letters

Wife: Apps

Husband: Adolescent, 4 letters

Wife: Teen

Husband: Contraction meaning failed to perform, 5 letters

Wife: Didn't

Husband: Take a life, 4 letters

Wife: Kill

Husband: Religious songs, 5 l...

If we're saying Amen and Awomen now...

Are we going to start having to sing hymns and herns?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hymns

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind."
The pastor shouted out "CROSS." I...

Why are priests from Finland so good at Mortal Kombat?

They're especially well-versed in Finnish hymns.

I downloaded some hymns for my ipod

New praylist.

A small church was raising funds for a new piano. On Sunday the pastor said “Whoever gives the most money today for the offering can pick out 3 hymns.”

So they passed the offering plate around and the pastor sees a $100 bill in the plate.

He said “Looks like we have a winner! Whoever gave the $100 bill can come to the front and select 3 hymns.”

An 80 year old lady slowly got up, walked to the front, and pointed her finger into the pe...

Why do we say Amen at the end of a prayer and not Awomen?

Because we sings Hymns and not Hers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar with two black eyes after a church service.

His friend ask "Dale, what the hell happened to your face?"

"When the lady sitting in front of me stood up to sing the hymns, I noticed her dress was clutched between her butt cheeks, so, being poIite I pulled it out, she turned around and punched me in the eye."

"Well, how did you get...

What kind of songs does Sub-Zero sing at his church in Helsinki?

FINNISH HYMNS!

I just found out my favorite arcade game used Christian music from the 1800s Finland in the background.

Yeah. Mortal Kombat used Finnish Hymns

What do you call an all male identifying, church choir?

The He/Hymns



Ba dump

Pichello Player

One Sunday in the ole country church, the piano player had gotten

sick and had to call off. The call went out for anyone who could

fill in and accompany the congregation with their hymns.



The Preacher told the congregation that he had found a fella that could

play...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man shows up to work with a black eye...

His co-worker Buddy asks him "Where'd you get that shiner from, Dan?"

Dan says "I got it at church this weekend"

Buddy: "How the hell do you manage to get a black eye at church?"

Dan: "Well I sitting behind this big fat lady and when we stood up to sing hymns I noticed her dress...

Faith healing

An elderly couple were sitting in the parlor their humble home, listening to an evangelist's weekly radio broadcast on their tabletop radio. The hymns and sermons done with, the evangelist addressed the radio audience.

"And NOWWWW!...ALL who are SUFFering under the PANGS of ILLness and inF...

Grandpas joke: Ellen's church recognition

Ellen was very involved with her church and community projects. So much so, the paster decided to recognize her efforts during Sunday service.

Paster Davis: I'd like to take a moment to recognize Ellen for her hard work and contributions. Ellen come up here and take a bow.

Ellen smi...

A man was passing by a small courtyard when he starting hearing...

...voices and murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said, "NIL."

White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The Great Nullity and The Blessed Emptiness.

The man turned to a white-robed observer beside him and a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John arrives in heaven and...

...at the entrance St. Peter shows him a high, high-rise building where he must enter.

The problem is that the building does not have an elevator so they slowly take the stairs.

On the first floor there is a corridor with doors on both sides and from all rooms there can be heard religi...

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