This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hymns

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind."
The pastor shouted out "CROSS." I...

If we're saying Amen and Awomen now...

Are we going to start having to sing hymns and herns?

I tried to buy a Mortal Kombat soundtrack.

All I could find were Finnish Hymns.

A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle.

Husband: Programs for mobile devices. 4 letters

Wife: Apps

Husband: Adolescent, 4 letters

Wife: Teen

Husband: Contraction meaning failed to perform, 5 letters

Wife: Didn't

Husband: Take a life, 4 letters

Wife: Kill

Husband: Religious songs, 5 l...

I downloaded some hymns for my ipod

New praylist.

A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.

"Well," the man sa...

Why are priests from Finland so good at Mortal Kombat?

They're especially well-versed in Finnish hymns.

Why do we say amen instead of awomen?

Because we sing hymns instead of hers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John arrives in heaven and...

...at the entrance St. Peter shows him a high, high-rise building where he must enter.

The problem is that the building does not have an elevator so they slowly take the stairs.

On the first floor there is a corridor with doors on both sides and from all rooms there can be heard religi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man shows up to work with a black eye...

His co-worker Buddy asks him "Where'd you get that shiner from, Dan?"

Dan says "I got it at church this weekend"

Buddy: "How the hell do you manage to get a black eye at church?"

Dan: "Well I sitting behind this big fat lady and when we stood up to sing hymns I noticed her dress...

Grandpas joke: Ellen's church recognition

Ellen was very involved with her church and community projects. So much so, the paster decided to recognize her efforts during Sunday service.

Paster Davis: I'd like to take a moment to recognize Ellen for her hard work and contributions. Ellen come up here and take a bow.

Ellen smi...

A man had been stranded on a desert island for ten years

A cruise ship happens to spot his smoke signals and and immediately stops at the island and rescues him.
Once they greet the man ashore, the captain asks if the newly rescued man wouldn't mind giving them a small tour of the home he'd made for himself.
The man obliges, and shows him the p...

A man was passing by a small courtyard when he starting hearing...

...voices and murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said, "NIL."

White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The Great Nullity and The Blessed Emptiness.

The man turned to a white-robed observer beside him and a...

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