What do you get when you mix holy water with laxatives?

A religious movement.

Why isn't Holy Water used in vaccines ?

Because, you can't take the Lords name in vein.

i once found a vampire in my hotel so i stabbed it with a wooden stake, shined my flashlight at it and threw holy water at it. died instantly.

still don't know why it had a bucket of candy tho.

How do you make holy water

You boil the hell out of it

What did the priest say as he poured holy water on a router?

Go and SYN no more.

I was wondering why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe but not in África. Then i realised vampires are killed by holy water.

They bless the rains down in Africa .

Credits to u/Josh1804

If a cup has had holy water in it, a vampire should never drink from it again.

There's too much risk of cross contamination.

What's the chemical structure of Holy Water?


today i mixed holy water and prune juice to make a new drink

it gave me a religious movement

I threw holy water at the demon and tried to banish it back to hell

My wife was furious and told me not to treat her mother like that

Since vampires are hurt by holy water, I always wondered why Priests don’t bless storm clouds and kill them from above. Then I realized why most vampires live in Europe

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

An elderly man has urinary incontinence. Why does he drink holy water before going to bed on Christmas Eve?

He wanted to sleep in heavenly pees.

I've just invented a perfume made from holy water.

Eau my God

What doe Holy Water and Whiskey have in common?

They both burn on the way down.

How did the eager young altar boy get the holy water ready for the priest?

He boiled the hell out of it.

A masked priest just threw some holy water at me...

... I think it was a blessing in disguise.

What happens if you use holy water to put out a fire?

Holy smokes!

Why is the Nile River filled with holy water?

People keep blessing the rains in Africa.

I filled a steam engine with Holy Water.

The Power of Christ Propels You!
The Power of Christ Propels You!
The Power of Christ Propels You!

Holy Water at the Bar

So a villager walks into the alehouse and notices holy water on the menu.

He asks the bartender why there is holy water on the menu.

The bartender replies that the priests in the village have been trying to restrict people's drinking habits.

The villager then asks how holy water...

How to make holy water in two easy steps

1) Take a pan of water and set it on the stove

2) Boil the hell out of it

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it!

I’ll probably get hate for this one but I swear it’s the only one I know.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't stick your dick in holy water...

You might get an St.D

Holy Water

One day St Peter chose three distinguished individuals in Heaven and gave them a free pass to commit whatever sins they would like back on Earth for one whole day.

The next day, when the three sinners returned, St Peter asked them what sins they committed.

St Peter asked the first sinn...

Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water?

She was taking god's name in vein.

How do you make holy water?

You boil the Hell out of it.

My 12-year-old daughter claims to have invented this joke this weekend. I don't know if it's original or not.

What type of holy water is the cleanest?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A line of nuns are standing in front of the Bishop, and a large fountain of holy water...

One of the nuns approaches him and says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have laid eyes upon a man's penis."
The bishop tells her to absolve herself of her sins by washing her eyes in the holy water before resuming her duties.
Another nun then approaches and says "Forgive me father...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny & The Holy Water

Little Johnny is playing outside with a tin of petrol when he sees his friend Little Paul. Johnny walks over to him and notices that he has a bottle.

“What do you have there Paul?” asks Johnny.

“This is holy water” replied Paul.

“What do you do with it?” asks Johnny.


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