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High End Jokes

Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market?

It was a Big Mcsteak

High End Restaurant

A very well dressed (tailored suit, silk tie, bespoke shoes etc) elegant older customer ordered the very best on the menu resulting in a very large tab.
At the end of the meal he was presented with the bill.
He said to the server, “I don’t know if you remember, but many years ago I was a bit d...

A lottery winner decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse and goes to a high end stable.

"I'm not really sure which kind I want," he tells the owner.

"Well, it depends on what you want them to do," the owner says. "Over here, we have a Type A horse - good workers, but temperamental. Back there eating hay you have a Type B horse - mostly good for companionship."

"That soun...

Breaking news: Amidst all the chaos, Eminem just got kicked out of a very high end bar.

Apparantly he asked the bartender for 4 shots but the bartender refused service and said you only get one shot.

A young well dressed blonde woman enters a high end New York City Bank seeking a loan.

The baker she sees checks her references and asks what she plans to use as collateral for the loan, which is only $5000, far less than most clients ask for at his bank.

She offers her Mercedes Benz as collateral. Everything checks out and the banker approves the loan, and the woman thanks him...

A thief carefully planned out a robbery of a kitchen in a high end restaurant.

But in the end he decided it wasn’t worth the whisk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a high end stereo with a broken volume knob for $10.

I couldn't turn it down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is buying a macbook like using a high end prostitute?

Because you spend more but, at least you don't get a virus

Just got hired on at a high end restaurant, my main job so far has been oyster preparation

And I've gotta say, it really shucks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy gets off a long 12 hour shift at the mill

as he walks out to the parking lot to get in his beat up old pickup, he sees a high end sports car pull up with the exhaust crackling. It’s his boss inside. “nice car boss” he says. Boss says “ yeah it is and If you come to work every day, work hard and bust your I’ll be able to afford another o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This dude dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter sees him show up and says “Holy , you’re the first person that’s ever come up here that’s exactly at 50% good and 50% evil. Not sure if I should send you to Heaven or Hell. This is crazy. Tell you what, since you’re exactly even I’m gonna let you choose”.

The dude says “Oh, wow...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddies and I where out for a night on the town.

We ended up at a high end bar with a dress code.All my buddies being the suave dudes they are where dressed accordingly with suits and ties but I alas was not. See you on the other side fucker they all yelled out as they went in laughing. Well there I was, out in the cold left out,abandoned.Not to b...

A rich snail walks into a car dealership

The rich snail wants something fast, elegant, and luxurious, after browsing Mercedes, Ferraris, Bugattis, and tons of other high end cars he decides on one.

So the rich snail pays in cash and walks up to the dealerships auto body guy and says "I want you to paint big S's all the this car, bi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband and wife are playing golf...

A husband and wife are playing golf at a very high end golf course that's right next to an even fancier neighborhood. They tee off on the 3rd hole and the husband's drive veers sharp to the left, sending the golf ball through the window of an extravagant, luxurious home. Clearly the most expensive h...
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