A Priest dies & is waiting in line at Heaven's Gate.



Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God to the guy : '' Who Are You....???? ''



Guy : '' I am a Bus driver''



God : Take this Gold robe & enter kingdom of heaven.



God ...

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40 Gypsies arrived at heaven's gates.

St Peter said "we've only got room for 12.

So decide among yourselves who is coming in.

Five minutes later St Peter says to God, "They've gone."

God says, "What, all 40 of them.?"

St Peter says, "No ..the fucking gates!"

Pope Francis knocks on heaven's gate

Pope Francis knocks on heaven's gate after his death. Saint Peter opens the door, looks at him and says: "Welcome to live after death. What is your name?" The pope is slightly irritated and answers: "I am the pope." "Pope who?", Peter asks. "Pope Francis, you should know who I am!" the pope says, a ...

So the Pope arrives at heavens gate

St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.

The Pope: "I am the pope."

St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."

The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."

St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."

The Pope: "But I am t...

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Three men arrive to the Heaven's Gates...

...and are asked by St. Peter, how did they found their final fate.
The 1st man steps forward:
"Well,see, I long suspected that my wife been cheating on me, so today I "left for work", only to come back half an hour later. And what do I see -- my wife naked in bed, and some asshole below our w...

The Pope at Heaven's Gate ...

(a freely translated joke of my grandma - the translation might not be perfect)

... St. Peter opens the gates and asks the pope for his name.

"I am the pope" he answers. "The pope?" Peter mutters "I am sorry, but I don't have a pope in my book."

"But I am God's deputy on earth, ...

Michaelangelo, Albert Einstein, and George W. Bush die and end up at heaven's gate...

Michaelangelo walks up to the gate and St. Peter tells him. "Listen, we have had some recent intruders faking who they were. Is there any way you can prove that you are the real Michaelangelo?"

Michaelangelo requests a board and he then proceeds to draw the most beautiful painting ever seen b...

A Rich Man Dies and Finds Himself At Heaven's Gate

Rich Man: Where am I? And who are you?

St. Peter: Why I'm St. Peter, the gatekeeper of Heaven. What is your name?

Rich Man: Richy Rich.

St. Peter: Alright let me see here (gets out the book of life) Richy...Rich... Ah! Here we are! You seemed to have amassed a great amount of we...

So the dude dies and gets to the Heaven's Gate...

... where St. Peter tells him that he didn't do anything particularly good or bad in life, so he actually gets to choose whether he goes to Hell or Heaven. He's even kind enough to offer him a tour to both places, so he has a better idea.

So first, he starts with Heaven. Which is really nice...

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Three guys are standing at the heaven's gate...

...God is coming to the entrance, yawning.

> "Sorry guys, we're closed."

One guy replies:

> "Wait, what? But we're dead!"


God replies:

> "Doesn't matter. You know what? If you can tell me a funny story of how you died, I'll let you in."

The fi...

A nun arrives at heaven's gates and is met by St Peter

St Peter says:
"Sister Mary, you have led a dutiful pious life, dedicated to God, and to helping the needy. As a special reward, we will return you to Earth to live once more. Who would you like to return as in your second life?"

"Sarah Pippilini!", says Sister Mary.

"Fine", says ...

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An all girls school, school bus flips over and kills all the girls. When arriving at heaven's gates...

they are asked to get into a line. Jesus stands at the front and asks the first girl if she had ever done something with a boy's privates. She responds "yes, I've touched one before." Jesus answers, "Ok please put your finger into the holy water and then enter heaven." So the girl dips her finger in...

A zebra at Heaven's gates

A zebra dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching Heaven's gates the guard says, "Welcome, child of God."
The zebra responds by asking, "Can I ask God a question?"
The angel, baffled, says, "What is your question?"
"Well, I want to know if I am white with black stripes or black with white s...

A priest & a driver arrives at heaven's gate, guarded by St. Peter.

Upon arrival at heaven's gate, St. Peters asks which one of the two is the driver, and the driver replied "Me!".

"Alright, come on in to heaven."

The priest asks "How about me?"

"Well, the reason why I'm not letting you in is that, when you're preaching all your followers are a...

3 Men are at heaven's gate

St peter says to the first one, "You can enter heaven if you can tell me the real meaning of Easter". The man responds, "That's when Santa brings toys to all the good girls and boys". St. peter responds, "No, that's not even the right holiday. You can't get into heaven."

St. peter turns to...

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Old man Richard goes to bed

As Richard closed his eyes and dozed off, he suddenly found himself standing in front Heaven's Gates. Stunned in disbelief, Richard approaches Saint Peter in a panic.

"St. Peter! What happened, why am I in Heaven?"

"Well Richard, you've passed away in your sleep. From now on, the Gates...

February 29th, 2020

On February 29th of this year, something extraordinary happened.

I was walking across the road, head down, minding my own - when I heard it. This incessant, mechanical noise. Like spring-loaded footsteps. Real slow.

Far away, it came. Cascading against the city walls. A pneumatic sigh....

A man's house is drowning

The boat tries to save him, but the man says:

"No, no the god will save me"

The water level rises up, and big ship tries to save him, but the man says:

"No, no the god will save me"

The water level rises up, and helicopter tries to save him, but the man says:

...

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The Pope, the Priest, and the Nun.

die in a car accident while traveling to St. Petersburg Cathedral. The got up to heaven and awaiting for them at heaven's gates was St. Peter.

St. Peter - "Now I have to ask each one of you a question., If you answer correctly, you will pass threw the gates."

St. Peter turns to the Nu...

The Redneck Poet

Robert Frost and a redneck came to heaven's gate at the same time. St. Peter stood at the gate with instuctions for the two: ''You cannot enter the gates of heaven until you can make up a poem and recite it to me using the word 'Timbuktu' in it.'' Robert Frost stepped up and recited a magnificent, g...

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Three guys crash-landed in an isolated part of tahiti

After recovering they start wandering about until they're caught by a few tribesmen and led to a cannibalistic tribe. Soon after, they meet the only person who speaks English, the leader, who says; "welcome, we are all cannibals in this tribe and we need your meat to survive, but we are not savages ...

The Priest and the Politician

A priest and a politician arrived at Heaven's gate one day together. And St. Peter, after doing all the necessary formalities, took them to show them where their quarters would be.

First, he took them to a small, single room with a bed, a chair, and a table and said this was for the priest. A...

What is Easter?

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all die simultaneously and are instantly before St. Peter and heaven's gate.

"In order to be allowed in, you must tell me, what is Easter?" exclaims St. Pete.

The brunette answers first. "Easter is when we celebrate the birth of Jesus!"

St. Pe...

A preacher feigns illness one Sunday morning.

His weekly sermon goes untold as the preacher slips out the back door of his house and makes his way to the golf course, all alone, as everyone else is in church.

The preacher's first shot from tee sails beautifully, curves gently in the wind, as if by divine intervention, hits the green and ...

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A pants-shitting offer from the afterlife

Saint Peter was right outside heaven's gate, sitting on his little wooden desk. In front of him, there was a queue of freshly arrived souls waiting to be approved into heaven.

Saint Peter saw a man on the queue who was particularly upset; grunting and throwing fist on the air. When he got to ...

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