Heaven's Gate Jokes - 18 Hilarious Heaven's Gate Jokes

A Priest dies & is waiting in line at Heaven's Gate.

Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God to the guy : '' Who Are You....???? ''

Guy : '' I am a Bus driver''

God : Take this Gold robe & enter kingdom of heaven.

God ...

St. Peter is standing at Heaven's Gates

when an angel comes to him with a message that he needs to attend to. Not wanting to leave the Gates unattended, he looks around for help. Just at that moment, he sees Jesus coming around the corner so he calls him over.

"Hey Jesus, can you help me out? I need to take care of something. Could...

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40 Gypsies arrived at heaven's gates.

St Peter said "we've only got room for 12.

So decide among yourselves who is coming in.

Five minutes later St Peter says to God, "They've gone."

God says, "What, all 40 of them.?"

St Peter says, "No ..the fucking gates!"

So the Pope arrives at heavens gate

St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.

The Pope: "I am the pope."

St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."

The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."

St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."

The Pope: "But I am t...

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Katy Perry and Queen Elizabeth ended up at heaven's Gates on the same day.

They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”

The angel asked Katy if there was some particular reason why she should go ...

There was a man entering heaven's gate.

This is an old joke so I expect people already knew about it.

There was a man entering heaven's gate and St. Peter asked him. "What makes you think you deserve to enter heaven?"

The man replied when I was alive I once saw a biker gang harassing an old lady and when they are supposed t...

The Pope at Heaven's Gate ...

(a freely translated joke of my grandma - the translation might not be perfect)

... St. Peter opens the gates and asks the pope for his name.

"I am the pope" he answers. "The pope?" Peter mutters "I am sorry, but I don't have a pope in my book."

"But I am God's deputy on earth, ...

Michaelangelo, Albert Einstein, and George W. Bush die and end up at heaven's gate...

Michaelangelo walks up to the gate and St. Peter tells him. "Listen, we have had some recent intruders faking who they were. Is there any way you can prove that you are the real Michaelangelo?"

Michaelangelo requests a board and he then proceeds to draw the most beautiful painting ever seen b...

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Three guys are standing at the heaven's gate...

...God is coming to the entrance, yawning.

> "Sorry guys, we're closed."

One guy replies:

> "Wait, what? But we're dead!"

God replies:

> "Doesn't matter. You know what? If you can tell me a funny story of how you died, I'll let you in."

The fi...

A Rich Man Dies and Finds Himself At Heaven's Gate

Rich Man: Where am I? And who are you?

St. Peter: Why I'm St. Peter, the gatekeeper of Heaven. What is your name?

Rich Man: Richy Rich.

St. Peter: Alright let me see here (gets out the book of life) Richy...Rich... Ah! Here we are! You seemed to have amassed a great amount of we...

Pope Francis knocks on heaven's gate

Pope Francis knocks on heaven's gate after his death. Saint Peter opens the door, looks at him and says: "Welcome to live after death. What is your name?" The pope is slightly irritated and answers: "I am the pope." "Pope who?", Peter asks. "Pope Francis, you should know who I am!" the pope says, a ...

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Three men arrive to the Heaven's Gates...

...and are asked by St. Peter, how did they found their final fate.
The 1st man steps forward:
"Well,see, I long suspected that my wife been cheating on me, so today I "left for work", only to come back half an hour later. And what do I see -- my wife naked in bed, and some asshole below our w...

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A French man, a Brazilian man, a American man and an English man died. They got to the Heaven's Gate, where they were received by Saint Peter.

\- That's how it works. - said Peter. - To get in, you need to have a clean mind, good thoughts, no malicious at all. Thus, I'll test you basing your fate on your answer. Alright?

The four men lined up.

\- First, the French. - said Peter. - Answer me: where do women have more curly ha...

So the dude dies and gets to the Heaven's Gate...

... where St. Peter tells him that he didn't do anything particularly good or bad in life, so he actually gets to choose whether he goes to Hell or Heaven. He's even kind enough to offer him a tour to both places, so he has a better idea.

So first, he starts with Heaven. Which is really nice...

3 Men are at heaven's gate

St peter says to the first one, "You can enter heaven if you can tell me the real meaning of Easter". The man responds, "That's when Santa brings toys to all the good girls and boys". St. peter responds, "No, that's not even the right holiday. You can't get into heaven."

St. peter turns to...

A zebra at Heaven's gates

A zebra dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching Heaven's gates the guard says, "Welcome, child of God."
The zebra responds by asking, "Can I ask God a question?"
The angel, baffled, says, "What is your question?"
"Well, I want to know if I am white with black stripes or black with white s...

A priest & a driver arrives at heaven's gate, guarded by St. Peter.

Upon arrival at heaven's gate, St. Peters asks which one of the two is the driver, and the driver replied "Me!".

"Alright, come on in to heaven."

The priest asks "How about me?"

"Well, the reason why I'm not letting you in is that, when you're preaching all your followers are a...

A nun arrives at heaven's gates and is met by St Peter

St Peter says:
"Sister Mary, you have led a dutiful pious life, dedicated to God, and to helping the needy. As a special reward, we will return you to Earth to live once more. Who would you like to return as in your second life?"

"Sarah Pippilini!", says Sister Mary.

"Fine", says ...

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