A Brit, A Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the garden of Eden

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit."They must be British"

They pondered this possibility but the Frenchman and the Russians soon shake their heads in disagreement.

"Nonsense," says the Frenchman. "They're naked and so beautiful, clearly they are French". The Brit and ...

We all know the story about Eve eating the apple in the Garden of Eden...

But God also forbade Eve from bathing in the nearby river. One day God came down from heaven to find Eve disregarding his command, washing herself in the river.

God put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "Dammit! I'm never going to get that smell out of the fish."

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God is walking through the Garden of Eden one morning, when he sees Adam sitting by himself, grinning from ear to ear.

God says to Adam, "you're looking very happy this morning! Has something good happened?"

"Oh yes" Adam replies. "This morning we found out why I have a penis and Eve has a vagina! It was *awesome*. We're going to call it 'sex'!"

God is shocked. "Adam, what you have done is a sin! You a...

One day, God visits Adam as he walks through the Garden of Eden...

"My son, I've decided to end your loneliness and give you a companion. She shall be called Eve, and she will be beautiful, never age, always stay faithful, and be loyal to your every command. She will fulfill all of your desires and make you feel complete as a man."

To which Adam replies "So...

Adam and Eve were in different parts of the Garden of Eden when the Lord ......

......... commanded Adam to go and squeeze Eve's hand.

"What's a squeeze, Lord?" Adam asked.

The Lord explained, and Adam went and squeezed Eve's hand. Then the Lord told Adam to kiss Eve.

Again, Adam was confused and asked for an explanation, which was given.

And Adam we...

Eve was mad at Adam for spending a lot of time in Eden away from her.

Adam said, "Honey, we are the only two humans to be created. Why would you worry about where I go?"

Eve let it go but wasn't convinced.

Later when Adam was asleep she decided to get to the bottom of this...

She put her hands on his chest and began counting his ribs.

In the Garden of Eden, why didn’t Eve want Adam listening to her while she went to the restroom?

Because eavesdropping.

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Eden garden (Translate from my birth language)

3 friends died in a car accident and arrived at the gate. St-Peter is there to greet them.
He told them, that to cross the gate, they all have to pick up a fruit or a vegetable in the eden garden.
The first one arrive with a carrot. St-Peter told him that to enter heaven, he must put the ent...

God visits Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden

One day, God decides to visit Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden.

God asks Adam "how is everything? Are you enjoying yourselves?"

Adam says, "yes, everything is just great, God"

Satisfied with the answer, God turns to leave. But before he does, he quickly asks "by the way, where...

After Adam and Eve arrived in Eden, he stayed out late a few nights wandering the garden.

Eve became suspicious.
“Are you running around with another woman?” Eve fired off.
“What other woman?” Adam exclaimed “ You’re it!”
That night, Adam was awakened by Eve poking him in the chest.
“What are you doing?”
“Counting your ribs.”

The Catholic church released a fun PC game which takes place in the garden of Eden. You play as Eve and Adam is hiding from you. Your goal is to hunt him down with a slingshot.

It's a first person shooter.

[garden of eden]

**Snake:** Pssst! want an apple?

**Eve:** No thanks, I do not sin.

**Snake:** What's the length of the opposite side of a 30° right triangle with a hypotenuse of 20?

**Eve:** 10

**Snake:** Thanksss

**Adam:** How did you calculate that?

**Eve:** Oh no.

If you go to the garden of Eden and kill Adam with a gun...

...are you a first person shooter?

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Creation of Women

So Adam was moping around in the Garden of Eden, kicking little stones and muttering to himself.

The Lord, seeing this, asked Adam what was wrong.

"Well", said Adam, I've been getting these strange urges from time to time, and I don't know what to do about them."

The Lord though...

Three nuns die and go to Heaven...

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them that they must each answer a biblical question to get in, but he reassures them that they're quite easy.

"Who was the first woman?" He says to the first nun.

"Eve." The gates swing open and she walks in.

"Where did Eve live?" He says to ...

A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet Russian are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

The Frenchman says, “They must be French, they’re naked and they’re eating fruit.”

The Englishman says, “Clearly, they’re English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.”

The Russian replies, “No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothi...

Adam is in the Garden of Eden...

Adam is in the Garden of Eden when he finds himself quite lonely.

He calls upon God, and asks him "Lord almighty, may you find me company here?"

God, in his infinite kindness, responds "Of course my child, I shall create a being to accompany you. The being will be beautiful, intelligen...

If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we'd still be in the Garden of Eden

They would have eaten the serpent

God is in Heaven and looks down on the Garden of Eden...

... and he sees Adam and Eve being more intimate than he’d planned.

So God rushes down as fast as he can and catches up with Adam and reprimands him.

“What do you think you’re doing? You’re both supposed to remain pure!”

Adam looks down, embarrassed and God soon notices that Eve...

One day Adam stood in the garden of Eden and asked

"God, what is this life without a companion to live it with?"

God looked down upon Adam and responded. "How Adam, would you like your companion to be formed?"

"God, I would like you to create for me a companion who is beautiful as a sunrise, smells like wild flowers, is as wise as an...

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely..

..so God asked Adam, “What is bothering you?”

Adam said, “Lord, I don’t have anyone to talk to.”

God said, “Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a ‘woman’. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She...

Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden

So Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden and he says, "God, I see that all of the other animals that you have created in this truly perfect world have a companion, a partner, someone to be with, share life with, and to love. Why is it that I am alone?" God pauses for a moment, and says "You know Ada...

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Adam was sitting under the apple tree in the Garden of Eden.

He was looking very content, smoking a cigarette. God saw this and appeared before Adam. God asks Adam "So, how do you like Eve?" Adam replies "Eve is just great, thank you so much for creating her." God then asks "Do you like the vagina? Any complaints, I spent a lot of time trying to get it r...

Garden of Eden

It was the day of the judgement and God was really happy with what USA has done in its short time on earth. In fact God was so happy that it decided to allow all the presidents and first ladies in the garden of Eden for eternal happiness.

And so one by all presidents and first ladies present ...

Adam felt sad and lonely in the Garden of Eden

"What is wrong, my child?" asked God.

"Lord, I am lonely," relplied Adam, "I wish I had a companion."

"Well, I've got just the one for you," said God. "She's perfect! She is lithe and youthful, and shall always remain so. She utters beauty when she speaks, and she listens with attentio...

Greatest Creation Ever

So Adam was in the Garden of Eden tending the plants and animals. God comes down and sees Adam. After awhile God says to Adam " Adam you've been such a good subject I think I will give you a reward. God says as a matter of fact it will be my Greatest Creation Ever. It will only cost you an arm and a...

One day, God and Adam were talking in the Garden Of Eden...

“God?”

“Yes, Adam.”

“I’m lonely.”

“Yes. And I’ve given this some thought. What if I told you I could make you a companion? She would be a lot like you, but different in many ways. She would think just like you think. She would never disagree with you. She would support your e...

Three nuns get into a car accident.

All three die and are awaiting St. Peter at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter arrives.

"All three of you must each answer a bible trivia question to proceed inside." He looks at the first and youngest nun. "Who was the first woman on Earth?"

"Easy. Her name was Eve." states the younge...

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an actual oc joke i wrote out like a week ago

One day, a father is enjoying a walk alone, getting his sweet fresh air away from the nagging children and wife. However, enjoying the walk too much, he shuts his eyes. Turning a corner is a very wealthy man in a hurry, who ends up bumping into the father.

Both get up, and the father speaks u...

In the Garden of Eden, Eve wore a fig leaf. Do you know what Adam wore?

A hole in it.

The Garden Of Eden

Adam was in the Garden of Eden, by himself and very lonely. Yes, it was beautiful, but he had no one to share it with. So he begged the Almighty " God, I am very lonely. I would love to have a companion to share all of this splendor with."

A bit later God responds "Adam, I can provide you wit...

I’m tired of hearing men talk about how women make their lives more difficult. Just think about where men would be without women...

Still in the Garden of Eden.

Adam is feeling a bit lonely in the garden of eden

So one day he asks God for a companion. God thinks about this for a little while and finally comes back to Adam and says "I've got the perfect bride for you. She cooks, cleans, does whatever you ask and is gorgeous to boot." Adam looks up and says "Thats amazing! What do I have to do for such a wond...

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Adam is relaxing in Garden of Eden when God suddenly appears in front of him

God: Hi Adam how goes? I´ve got something great in mind for you!

Adam: Hey old man.. what´s you got for me?

God: I call it a woman!

Adam: What´s a woman??

God: It´s a creature designed to be your partner and boy let me tell you what she does..

Adam: cool!

G...

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Adam's in the Garden of Eden with God.

God begins to notice that lately Adam has seemed morose while naming the animals. He notices that all of the animals stick together well, but that Adam is kind of a loner and realizes that he must be lonely.

One day God tells Adam that he has a proposition for him. "Look, Adam," God begins,...

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God comes down to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden...

... and says, "So, I was looking around Heaven the other day, and I stumbled on a few features I forgot to give your bodies. Now, there's two of them, and there's two of you, so I figured I'd give each of you one of them."

"Sure," say Adam and Eve.

"Okay," says God, "so the first one i...

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God comes down to the Garden of Eden bearing gifts for Adam and Eve.

He says "I have two gifts. First, the ability to write your name in the snow with your pee"

Adam leaps foreward excitedly shouting "Ooh me! Me me me!" And snatches the gift from The Lord's hands

The Almighty sighs and says to Eve "well I guess that leaves you with multiple orgasms."

God appeared to Adam in the Garden...

God appeared to Adam in the Garden of Eden one morning. While discussing the naming of the animals and such, God noticed Eve wasn’t there. God asked Adam, “where is Eve my son?”

Adam reply’s, “oh she is down at the river bathing”.

God then gasps, “Oh no, no, no! I’ll never get that sme...

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God shows up in the Garden of Eden looking for Adam and Eve.

Eventually he finds Adam alone and asks him, "Where is Eve?"

Adam says, "Well, last time i saw her she was taking a bath in the river."

God, looking annoyed, asks him how long she's been in there.

"I guess a couple of hours."

"Really, shit!"

"What's wrong?" asks Ad...

Old Adam and Eve joke

Eve has had enough and kicks Adam out o the Garden of Eden for two weeks. Next day he's back. "What are you doing here?" she asks.

"My leaves up."

What kind of car did Jesus drive?

OK. I apologize in advance if you've already seen this one. it's an old joke from the 70's, when there was a gas crisis, and they posted this question on billboards around the South.

So, what's the answer? The answer is that no know knows what Jesus drove, but we know that his Father drove a ...

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Caught Skinny Dipping

A priest and a rabbi are good friends and one night they get talking about Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden. The conversation leads them to try skinny dipping and under the light of the moon, they find themselves in swimming in a lake with their clothes hung from a tree. A car pulls up right next...

3 nuns are travelling in a bus when it crashes...

All of the nuns died instantly, and find themselves standing in front of the Pearly Gates, where St Peter is waiting for them.

He said to the nuns, "Before I can let you in to heaven you each have to answer a question."

To the first nun, St Peter asks "Where did Adam meet the first wo...

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Adam asked God for a partner...

Adam saw that the animals in the Garden of Eden had a companion, and he asked God to make one for Adam, too.

"Ok," God replied, "I can make you a perfect partner. Someone who will stand by you, satisfy you as you satisfy her, build you up as you build up her, and provide the exact compliment ...

A Mother superior and two novices were killed in a bus crash.

They soon found themselves at the pearly gates. St. Peter greeted all three.

"Welcome sisters, Mother superior. What a great honor to have you here." he said. Then a little more softly, he said.

"Unfortunately, we've had a few people slipping into heaven disguised as nuns. I'm afraid ...

A British Gentleman visits India..

He landed in the state of West Bengal, the former seat of the East Indian Company.

Dressed in classic gentlemanly fashion he decided to start the tour by visiting the famed Victoria Memorium Hall. Taken aback by the marvellous architecture, he stopped the nearest passerby and asked, "Who mad...

The oldest job in the world

A surgeon,gardener and electrician sitting in a bar talking about the worlds oldest job.

The Surgeon laughed and said: “HAH! Ofcourse surgeon is the oldest job in the world who else removed the rib from adams body for god to create eve! He doesn’t even have a scar from it!”

Then the Ga...

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Adam and Eve

Were in the garden of eden and Adam says to Eve “Hey Eve lets go for a swim!” And Eve says “That sounds wonderful!”

So they start running towards the dead sea and God shouts down “No Eve, no Eve NOOOOooooooo!” And Eve dives into the water!

God says: Awe crap now I will never get th...

Nuns waiting to go to heaven

There was a car crash, The accident included 2 nuns and mother Theresa.

When the nuns reach the golden gates, they were greeted but St Paul.

St Paul said "To enter heaven, I giving you 3 questions, if you get them right you can enter"

St Paul asked a question to the first nun ...

So, there's a man crawling through the desert.

He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his ...

Adam is a little lonely...

About a month or so after Adam was introduced to Eden, God and Adam are meeting for dinner. Adam expresses his admiration for the plants and the animals and the joy and beauty of it all, but admits that there is one little thing that he feels sad about: he feels a tiny bit lonely....

God quic...

Adam and Eve

Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden, talking to God.

He says to God “You’ve given me life, the purpose of naming every animal, and plenty of food to eat. You’ve made me comfortable, kept me well fed, and a sense of purpose. However, I’m feeling quite lonely; is there anything you can do to...

Three nuns die in a car crash and go to heaven.

They’re greeted at the gates by St Peter, who says to them “I’m sorry ladies, but we’re getting very full these days, so you’ll need to answer a question about the bible each to get in.” The nuns agree and he asked the first one “How long have you been a nun?”.

“Only about six months.” She re...

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One day God catches Adam and Eve Having sex

God becomes angry because he is not ready for the two of them to be having sex yet, so he separates the two of them and he pulls Adam aside to lecture them,

He explains to Adam that the two of them are not to be having sex in the garden of eden until he decides the time to be right and that t...

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Adam and Eve

It's the evening of the sixth day of creation. Adam and Eve are hanging out in the Garden of Eden having a grand time when God comes in, carrying a sack. God tells them "There's just a couple things left to take care of to wrap things up". God opens the sack, looks in and says, " first, we have the ...

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Adam and Eve just had sex for the first time...

God comes down to Eden to check on them. He finds Adam, hanging out in the bushes.

"How was it?" God asks.

"Amazing," Adam replies. "I can't fucking wait to do it again!"

"That is great!" says God. "I designed it specifically for you. But... where is Eve?"

Adam answers, "...

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The creation of woman.

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing' ."
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Tw...

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The Pope, the Priest, and the Nun.

die in a car accident while traveling to St. Petersburg Cathedral. The got up to heaven and awaiting for them at heaven's gates was St. Peter.

St. Peter - "Now I have to ask each one of you a question., If you answer correctly, you will pass threw the gates."

St. Peter turns to the Nu...

So three nuns have passed and are at the pearly gates..

When they arrive, Gabriel is there and says "Each of you must answer a question correctly to enter heaven."

His question to the first nun was "What was the name of the first woman?" and she replies "Eve!" And of course thats right, so on she goes.

His question to the second nun was "Wh...

One day, prior to the world cup, the US national soccer team manager was visiting Belgium

He was having a meeting with Roberto Martinez, and they were discussing the efficiency of their soccer team.

"Our population is over 300 millions and yet we have failed to qualify for the world cup, Roberto... How did you manage to do so with such a small country ?"

"You know Dave," sa...

A Catholic Priest told this joke at a Wedding.

Adam woke up in the Garden of Eden. After a while of wandering around he became sad. God came to him and asked "Adam, why are you sad? I have created this amazing garden for you." Adam replies, "Why does every other being have mate and I do not?" God replies " Very well I will create for you ...

How many priests does it take to change a lightbulb?

3. One to screw it. One to beat it for being screwed. One to tell the lawyers that no screwing took place.

From Monkey Beach by Eden Robinson, referencing residential schools

The creation of the woman.

When Adam roamed the garden of Eden, he saw how happy all the pairs of animals were, and he craved a partner. He prayed all day and all night, and in the end god answered his pleads and replied.

"Adam, what are you praying for?"

"Oh almighty god! I have seen the bliss of the animals of...

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When God first made Adam and Eve, we learned a few things.

In the early days of the Garden of Eden, God didn't realize that he had made Eve much hornier than planned. She was constantly after Adam's junk. One day, after Adam couldn't get it up any more, Eve decided to look for fulfillment elsewhere.
She stormed off, and the first creature she saw was a d...

Marie was tired during scripture class

And she kept falling asleep at her desk, halfway through the class the teacher asked her a question, "Marie who is a lord above?" James her friend behind her notices she is asleep and with a pin pokes her. Suddenly she yelled "GOD!" as she is pricked by the sharp pin. "Very Good!" The teacher said.<...

Why was Adam so fat?

He couldn't stop eden.

When was the first computer made?

The Garden of Eden...

Apple...

It had one byte.

Adam's new wife

Adam had been in the garden of Eden for several years without someone to share his life with. One day, he asked God for a companion.

God said to him, "I can give you a wife that will be everything you could dream of. Humble and submissive, she will make your life nothing but pleasurable. Howe...

The reason fish smell

One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but
couldn't find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he
and Eve were earlier. Adam said, "The morning Eve and I made love for
the first time."

God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Wher...

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A priest and a rabbi agree to a silent debate

the priest holds up 3 fingers, the rabbi holds up one. The priest points all around him the rabbi points at the ground. the priest pulls out bread and wine the rabbi pulls out an apple. When the priest gets back to his church his fellow priests ask him how did the debate go the priest answers "I don...

Adam Haggles With God

As Adam is walking about the Garden of Eden he is approached by God, "Adam you look quite lonely."

"Well..."

"Listen, my son, how about I make you a companion? A beautiful women, who is smart and funny. She will be your true match and the two of you will be forever happy together."
...

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