This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my therapist said time heals all wounds

so I stabed him and now we wait

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Therapist: "Time heals wounds"

After that I stabbed him multiple times. Now im waiting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman has a sore throat and asks for help

So a woman has a sore throat and asks for help from her coworker.

The coworker says "I have the best cure! Every time my throat hurts I just give my husband a blowjob and it heals"

The next day the woman goes to work with her sore throat healed.

Coworker asks "Did it work"
...

My dog has to wear this cone till he heals from surgery. It helps with the biting, but the barking?

He sounds like a sub-whoofer.

Dad: When this heals will I be able to play an instrument?

Doctor: yes, you will be able to in a few days.

Dad: Great, I've always wanted to play an instrument.

What do you call an Egyptian test administrator who heals back pain?

A Cairo-Proctor!

I told my suicidal friend that time heals all wounds, and he agreed with me.

His body was later found at the bottom of Big Ben.

What do you call it when your party healer accidentally heals the wrong person?

A clerical error.

Doc, will I be able to play guitar after my arm heals?

Doc: Of course

Dude: Sick! I couldn't do that before!

They say that time heals all wounds...

But what if you get hit in the head with a clock?

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Jesus returns to earth with a healing touch...

So jesus comes back to earth from heaven, and states he can use his healing touch to cure anyone. A priest claims to have injured his back, and with a gentle touch, his back is cured. A monk states that he is going blind in one eye, jesus in turn heals the monk. A curious rabbi observed this, and wh...

A man walks into a grocery store with a gunshot wound.

The grocer asks him if he needs a doctor.

The man says he just wants to know where the spice isle is.

Confused the grocer asks why and the man replies “Because thyme heals all wounds.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is getting married, and wants to impress his bride to be.

So he gets her name, Wendy, tattooed down the side of his shaft. He keeps it a surprise for the honeymoon as it heals and is quite impressed with the work. Although when he's flaccid all you can see is Wy, when he's hard there it is, in all its glory, in a beautiful font. The big day comes, and they...

What's the difference between a Baker and a Podiatrist?

One feels the heat, the other heals the feet.

Inspirational quotes to live by until I got divorced

# Here's the original 7 quotes to live by:

1. Make peace with your past, so it won't disturb your future.
2. What other people think of you is none of your business.
3. The only person in charge of your happiness is you.
4. Don't compare your life to others. Comparison is the thief o...

A group of adventurers embarks on a quest

"DragonFlameKing", who is the highest level in the party, gathers the others before they begin the quest to discuss strategies and check their supplies.

-Alright, gear and equipments look fine so hear me out for a little bit. This quest is not too demanding but it's still hard. I am a Juggern...

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