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An old Irish guy retires and moves to the country…

An old Irish guy retires and moves to the country, he visits the local pub on the Saturday night, orders 3 pints which the barman pulls. The old guy drinks the 3 pints then leaves. Same thing the next week and the next. On the 4th week, the barman knowing his routine says, if you just give me a n...

An old Irish woman is naked starting at herself in the mirror

Her husband walks in and asks “what in the hell are you doing?”

“I had my physical today and my doctor told me I was a beautiful woman who should be proud of her aging body,” she replied.

“Yeah? And what did he say about your fat Irish ass?”

“You didn’t come up in conversation,...

The old irish adage

So a man was touring Ireland hoping to enjoy the sights and local jive when he stopped in a old pub to grab a Guinness and ask for directions when he entered the pub he walked to the counter and got his drink when a man with a beret on walked over and asked him the cost of his tab when the tourist r...

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An old Irish Catholic is on his deathbed

An old Irish Catholic is on his deathbed, and while his family gather round him he asks one of his sons to do him a favour.

"Son" he says, "Bring me a Protestant Vicar".

"But why father, why would you want a Protestant Vicar?" Asks the son.

The old man insists and the Vicar is d...

An old Irish saying about worrying.

There are only two things in life to worry about: if you are well or if you are sick. If you are well, there is nothing to worry about.

If you are sick, there are only two things to worry about: if you will get better or if you will die. If you get better, there is nothing to worry about. ...

An old Irish woman wins the lottery...

...and decides to to indulge herself with a milk bath, so she calls her local dairyman.
“I’d like to order meself some milk”
“How much will ye be needing?”
“I suppose, I’ll need enough to fill me bath tub.”
“Shouldn’t be more than 200 liters I’d guess.”
“My word! That’s more than I th...

Good old Irish Granny....

Solicitors should never ask a County Offaly granny a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial in Tullamore recently a small-town prosecuting solicitor called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Murphy, do you know m...

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There was this old Irish couple...

The husband is sitting at home, watching tv. The wife comes in the door from her doctor's appointment. Husband looks up and asks, "How did the doc go?"


She says "It went foin, but ah got embarrassed before it ended."


He says, " Whatcha get embarrassed fer?"


She says ...

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On a cold and rainy night

On a cold and rainy night during the era when traveling salesmen still pedaled goods door to door, Gary , a young English wallpaper representative breaks down on an Irish county road .Luckily ,there is a farm house not far from the road .As he is an englishman in Ireland , he cautiously makes his wa...

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A team of Nazi spies parachutes in Britain during WW2.

They're all well-trained, they know their mission, they have their legends. But when they're still above the ocean, suddenly a terrible thunderstorm hits them. The hurricane scatters them, some of them smash into the cliffs, others hit the waves and drown. Only one last spy, by sheer luck or miracle...

An 80-year-old Irishman goes to the doctor for a check-up...

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'how do you stay in such great physical condition?'

I'm Irish and I am a golfer,' says Don, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of Irish whi...

Irish Cop and a Flasher

*Said best with alternating Irish accents*

One day an old Irish beat cop on the streets of Belfast is arresting a flasher for the 25th time. He says, Angus, I’ve arrested you 25 times over the years, once a year for every year I’ve been a beat cop, but I’m retiring this month and I think you ...

A man walks into an Irish pub...

...sits down at the bar and orders a pint. A man in the corner of the bar stands up and yells "42!" The whole bar bursts into laughter. The man at the bar looks around in utter confusion. As the bar tender hands over the pint to the man, an old fellow sitting next to him screams out "61" and again t...

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Fishing with granddad.

An old Irish granddad takes his little grandson fishing one day. While sitting in the boat for almost an hour, the granddad pulls out a flask of whiskey. Hey takes a few sips then proceeds to put it back into his jacket pocket. As he motions to put the flask away, the little grandson asks,
...

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Irishman Without A Job

My uncle is an old Irishman and retired sheriff for the county. To pass the time during retirement, Uncle Bob has been working with a staffing organization for years. It’s an Irish organization that helps people of Irish descent find work.

One day, Bob gets a call from a young man named Geral...

The rain was pouring down outside O'Connor's Irish Pub.

The rain was pouring down outside O'Connor's Irish Pub. There
standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman,
drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the
water.
A passer-by stopped and asked him, "What are you doing?
“Fishing” , replied the...

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