Church Bell Ringer

A man died after a long career as the local church bell ringer. The priest, looking for a replacement put out word far and wide but received only one applicant, a man with no arms. Initially the priest was hesitant but the man assured him he could do it. He ran up into the belfry, put his head int...

A man with no arms applies to be the local church bell squire.

The pastor looks him over and says - Well, we didn't get alot of interest in the posting, so the job is yours, but I'm not sure how you plan on pulling the rope to the bell?
The man climbs up to the church steeple and runs at the bell as fast as he can. BOOOONG! He hits it with his face and it so...

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My grandparents used to have sex once a week, on a Sunday, in time to the nearby church bells

My grandad would still be alive if it wasn't for that damn ice cream van

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A pastor is hiring a new bell boy to ring the church bell.

So a boy walks in with no arms, that wants to apply for the job. The pastor says "I don't think you qualify". The boy responds with "nonsense, let me show you"

They head up the bell tower. The boy proceeds to get a running start and headbutts the bell to make it ring. The pastor shakes his he...

What’s the difference between a church bell and a politician?

I church bell peals from the steeple.

A man was hired to ring a church bell...

...but he wasn't very good at it. Every time he rung the bell it came back and smacked him in the face. He kept trying to duck under the bell but it kept hitting him.

Eventually, at the end of his shift he rang the bell one last time. Again, the bell hit him in his aching face, but this time ...

A short armless man comes to the priest of a small town and asks to be the church bell-ringer...

The priest is surprised, and says,

"Well, I do need a new person to ring the bells, but, well, you have no arms man! The bell is huge, its size is the one record this town holds. The last guy to do it weighed 400 pounds, and even *he* had a hard time ringing the bell. Not to mention, you cou...

The Church Bell

This church just lost there bell ringer and needed someone to ring the bell for them. They were holding auditions when a man with no arms came up to them and asked about the job. The priest asked the man " How are you going to ring the bell without any arms?" to which the man replied with " Like thi...

A time keeper at a factory is in charge of blowing the whistle for the lunch break at noon.

When it's almost noon he looks at his watch and right when it strikes 12pm he blows the whistle.

One day he bumps his watch against something and he fears that it is a little off.

Wanting to make sure that he can do his job correctly he decides to go get his watch set by a professional...

This is a bad joke

So there is this man, and he has no arms, but he wants a job as a church bell ringer. So he goes for the interview, and the interviewer says “how can you ring the bell? You have no arms.” And the man says “like this.” He goes up to the tower and steps to the edge. He runs and slams his head into the...

Germany owed a massive debt to France after the treaty of Versailles

One day, Germany couldn't afford to pay the weekly payment to France. So France gathered a band of soldiers and rode into a small town in Rhineland on trucks, hoping to find anything valuable as reparation. After inspecting the town for a brief moment, they took its tram tracks and street lamps back...

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An old man passed away whilst having sex

When the police asked his wife how it happened, she burst in to tears.

"You see officer, we always have sex at 12 o clock on sunday when the church bells ring"

"But why when the church bells ring?" Asked the officer

"Its the perfect rhythm. At the first chime he thrusts, at the ...

A joke my grandfather told me

As you may know, many small churches in England have bell towers. Well, the bellringer for one such church, upon reaching retirement age, quit his position, leaving a job opening. Unfortunately, the demand for such a job was low and the bellringer position remained empty for several weeks. Eventuall...

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An EMT is treating an elderly man in his home

An EMT is treating an elderly man suffering from a heart attack at his home.

The medics strap him in and set the gurney into the back of the ambulance when they stop to ask the mans wife a few questions.

"Now just start at the beginning and tell me what happened"

The old woman...

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Grandpa's death

After grandpa's death i went to grandma's house to comfort her. I asked her how did that happen.

Grandma: " He died from a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Shocked, i told her that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble....

An armless homeless man walks into a church.

There was a help wanted sign on the door. He asks the priest what kind of help the church needs.

"Bell ringer" says the priest.
"I can ring a bell" says the armless homeless man.

The priest looked at the man with concern.

"I can do it, I really need this opportunity!" He pr...

A young man's Grandfather dies.

He asks his Grandmother how he died.

She said " Well every Sunday We would make love to the sound of the church bells, they were slow enough for us."

The young man asked "But how did he die then?"

She replied " He would still be alive if it wasn't for that damn Ice Cream truck."

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