There is no free will!! Everything that happens is predestined!!
I’m sorry, I just had to say that.
A religious man asks an athiest, “Do we have free will?”
Atheist: “We do, but only because we have no choice!”
A Calvinist arrived at the Gates of Heaven.
He sees that there are two lines going in. One has a sign that reads "predestined," and the other, "free will". He naturally heads to the predestined line.
While waiting, an angel comes and asks him "Why are you in this line?"
He replies, "Because I chose it."
The angel looks su...
"Siri, do you have free will?"
"I am programmed to say 'Yes'."
My favorite part of the bible is when God gives everyone free will...
..and then he kills them all in a flood for not doing what he tells them.
A Calvinist dies and goes to heaven
A Calvinist dies and goes to heaven. When he arrives, he sees two lines to get in. One is labeled "Predestination" and one is labeled "Free Will". So, being a Calvinist, he goes to the back of the Predestination line and waits for his turn.
When he gets to the front of the line, the angel loo...
The Kings Servant was walking towards the castle, when he saw a man lying on the side of the path.
The servant asked if the man was ok, and he replies:
"Oh, hi, I'm Will. Nice to meet you! Would you like to buy me?
"What, you mean like a servant?" says the King's servant.
"No, just to have me around"
The servant was lonely, as he had to work day and night for the king,...
The cruel god cursed his creations with dyslexia, but nothing happened since they could do no wrong while fully under his control.
So he gave all of them free will – and the first thing his creations did was deicide.
A programmer rubs a lamp and a genie appears
Genie: "Alright I'm gonna make this short. You can't ask for more wishes, you can't change free will, and you only get one wish. Choose wisely."
Programmer: "I wish to use a wish."
Genie: "Granted, you now have 4,294,967,295 wishes."
TIL that for writing your last wishes you need to hire a lawyer and that it can easily become quite expensive.
What happened to free will?
50th Birthday Card
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ti me: "You know, one would have been enough"
My older sister told me this joke and i chuckled against my free will. I hope you do too.
The West Indies
"My wife's gone to the West Indies." "Jamaica?" "No, she went of her own free will."
D&D multiclassing jokes
Q: How do you know if you've seen a multiclass ranger/rogue? A: If you've seen them, they aren't one.
Q: What do you call a multiclass sorcerer/bard? A: Whatever they make you call them...your delusion of free will is cute.