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Old man

is sitting on his porch. He see’s a boy called Little Billy walking on his way over a hill with a spool of chickenwire. Walking by his house the old man yells at Little Billy,”Where ya going there with that chickenwire?” Billy replied “ Ima get me some chickens!” Billy walked by and went along over ...

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A young apprentice flukes his exams and gets to do his first autopsy.

He walks to his supervisor. "er, excuse me.."
"What is it ?"
"Umm, it's Mrs Pratt, there's something wrong.."
"Well come on man, spit it out"
"There's a um, a b-big shrimp stuck in her er, vagina"
His supervisor turns around and stares at him.
"um, a a, s-super shrimp, r-right in t...

Excavation report of a cemetery inside a castle

I’ve just been reading an excavation report of a cemetery inside a castle linked to a medieval siege. One of the burials was, from the skeletal analysis, a high status individual, but with the strange feature of having a skull embedded in the torso, this being of a lower status person. A careful rea...

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Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building.

One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discoveredthat if you jump from the top of this building-by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head i...

A blind guy (Dale) goes to a lumber yard looking for a job. Once he finds the freemans office he introduces himself and asks for a job.

The foreman (Greg) is unsure how a blind guy can work at a lumber yard and expresses his concerns.

Dale explains that bind people usually have heightened senses in the other areas. In his case his sense of smell is extra keen.

Greg tells him Dale that he doesn't understand how that wi...

A man walks into a bar and orders a gin and tonic

Out of nowhere a monkey comes by and takes the lime, eats it, and downs the rest of the drink.

Shocked the man sits in stunned silence as he watches the monkey eat some cherries, lemons and oranges out of the garnish tray behind the bar.

The man stands up and yells to get the barten...

Peter got a job as a train conducter...

On the first day of his job, a random guy without a ticket got past him and on the train without being noticed. This was eventually caught on CCTV and Peter was warned by his boss.

Second day of his work, a group of refugees snuck on the train between carts without Peter noticing and one of t...

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3 couples participated in an experiment about orgasms.

Each couple was shown a room with a bed full of sensors. Above the door leading into each room, was a special meter, akin to a speedometer, able to indicate up to 100.

So first round, couples do their routine stuff, and go see their meters. 20, 40, 60. There was a locked door however, the met...

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Bob the ant wanted to be a stand-up comedian

He had a wild, bold, and crazy personality and sense of humor. He knew he would be hilarious if he just had the opportunity to get in front of a crowd.
 

So Bob the ant went around town auditioning for gigs. He let his crazy attitude go full force at the judges. They weren’t too impressed,...

If your digital multimeter gives a bogus reading, try it again.

It's probably a Fluke.

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Twas a slow and quiet day in the little Irish parish

so Father Oriley decided to go for a stroll
down by docks. He ran into Patrick, the local firsherman who just about to head off in his boat.


Patrick offered to take the Father out fishing for the afternoon since he was bored so they headed off.
About an hour of fishing later the pri...

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A man drunkenly staggers out of a bar.

It's just before closing for the bar, and there's a policeman waiting outside. He sees the man, who is obviously drunk, stumble to a car and get in. The policeman decides he will bust this guy for drunk driving as soon as he pulls away.

A few minutes pass. Other patrons exit the bar and drive...

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Bonzo The Martial Arts Dog

I once had a dog named "Bonzo" and he was really talented. One day, Bonzo and I went to find him a job, so we went to a martial arts studio. The owner looked at us and told us to get out. Bonzo looked unhappy, so I convinced the owner to allow us to give a demonstration. So the owner points at a...

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A guy walks into a jazz bar with an octopus on his shoulder.

He orders a couple of beers, and after a few moments the bartender, head cocked, says, "Buddy, I don't mean to be coarse, but what's with the octopus?"

"This octopus?" the guy begins, thumbing at his octopodine companion, "Oh this guy is a musical virtuoso. He'd play any instrument you have h...

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Billy goes hunting with grandpa

Young Billy was walking down the sidewalk when he passed his Grandpa Cecil's house. Grandpa Cecil noticed that Billy was carrying something in his arms.

"Hey, Billy. What's that you have in your arm?"

"It's chicken wire. I'm going to catch some chickens with it."

Convinced that ...

Did you hear about NASA's astronomical discovery?

It was a fluke. I heard they didn't plan-et.

I always had the worst luck when I went fishing...

Until I caught a Flounder Yesterday. My dad said it was a Fluke

So a young man joins the army..

So a young man joins the army, it was his life plan since he was little because his grandfather and father before him both served. He felt like it was his duty to carry on the family tradition.

So after he joins he goes through all his basic training and testing. A few months later he is bein...

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