What's common between hide and seek, and an unintentional pregnancy?

Ready or not here I come!

What do you call unintentional penetration while giving a back massage?

Accident Prone

My 4 year olds unintentional joke

Dad now don’t you make a mistake on the grill or you’ll get fired

My 4 year old niece's unintentional dirty joke.

Why did the fan blow itself? Because it was turned on!

Mom's unintentional dirty joke

One night my brother and I were talking to my mom about how my brothers dog is always on the couch.

Mom: "You need to teach your dog to stay off the furniture when you're here with her, your dad will agree."

Brother: "Dad was the first one to let her get on the couch."

Me: "Wow ...

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How did Pinocchio die?

He was masturbating and unintentionally set himself ablaze.

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Why is a massage like a fairy tale?

They're both better with a happy ending.

Side note- female here, was having a non-sexual massage in a mall yesterday, from a little Asian lady who was probably in her late 50s. Somehow it was almost a happy ending, although unintentionally on both sides. As I was lying there wondering what t...

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You're Fired

There is a young man standing on the factory floor, appearing idle.

The CEO of the organisation sees him. He storms up and says, "tell me, what do you earn in a year?"

The young man responds "$1,000"

The CEO reaches into his wallet and pulls out $1,000. He hands it to the you...

A man was on a plane...

A man was on a plane when a stewardess approached him and said "Would you like some headphones?" To which the man replied "Yes I would, but how did you know my name was Phones?"

*Edit: unintentional brain trick.

Crude Dental Work (In Australian)

Man on island, has bad tooth. Needs tooth removed. Friend with an axe is like, I know what to do mate. Uses axe to try to remove tooth but unintentionally knocks out all his teeth. First guy is like, Ouch-aroo mate, that is a 10/10 on the pain scale. Axe guy says, 'Hey man, it was Axe-y Dental'

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Email Joke

It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to me...

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So one day, I'm crossing the road...

and all of a sudden, a huge chicken starts walking beside me and introduces itself by saying "Hi, I'm Chicken Hu". I'm thinking "Holy shit, a talking chicken". I ask Chicken, I say "Hi Chicken, where are you from?". He says, "I was born in San Francisco". Surprised, I say "No, but where are you actu...

How many Edward Snowden's does it take to know what is going on in a Clinton administration?

**The server you are attempting to connect to has been unintentionally disabled, wiped, and burned. But not in a gross negligent manner. **

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A guy had a girlfriend named Windy. He had tattooed her name on his dick.

So, he goes to a bar one day and visits toilet to pee. There's a black guy in next Urinal. He unintentionally peeks at black guy's dick.

He sees that black guy also has a tattoo on his dick that reads 'Windy'. The guy is shocked.

Hey, look I also have tattooed Windy on my dick. I...

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

If I intentionally or unintentionally hurt you in any way during 2016, just know that I'm really sorry. I'm really grateful to have you in my life and just know that I'm never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
Never gonna ma...

Baseball & Football -George Carlin

Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allo...

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The genie.

A man and his wife were plying ping pong in their home, when the wife accidentally struck the ball too hard,
and it went into their neighbor’s open window and there was a sound of breaking glass from inside.


Nobody came out and there was no sign of the neighbor, so the couple thought ...

2 weeks sober.

I'm 2 weeks Sober, Unintentionally. Now I'm sitting here wondering why good things happen, to bad people.

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