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Fisherman Jokes

A fisherman took his boat far out to sea. He hooked a huge fish, and fought it for hours.

Unfortunately, as he wasn’t strapped into his seat, he was yanked overboard, and began to drown. Suddenly, he was rescued and brought back to his boat by a pair of dolphins. Without thinking, the fisherman thanked them.
They replied, “You’re welcome!” Aghast, the fisherman said, “You can talk! Th...

Irish fisherman

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.

An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.

'Fishing,' replied the old man.

'Poor...

A business man sees a fisherman laying down on the shore, looking at the sky

- Hi, why aren't you fishing?
- Well, I caught the fishes we plan on eating
- But if you caught more, you could sell them.
- And then what?
- Then you could buy a motor for the boat to catch even more fish
- And then what?
- Then you can sell more fish, get more boats, and even mor...

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An elderly man was having a stroll on the boardwalk when he came by a fisherman yelling..

"Damn fish for sale, only $5. Damn fish for sale, only $5!"

The elderly man walked up to the fisherman and exclaimed "That fish is the source of your livelihood. You shouldn't disrespect it by calling it a damn fish." The fisherman was taken aback and told the elderly man that he meant no di...

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod.

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Two fisherman were talking: -I can't have sex with my wife

Why?

-Because She has gonorrhea.

So what, fuck Her in the ass.

-I can't because She has diarrhea.

Then ask Her to for a blowjob

-No, because She has phyrrea.

Goddamn dude, so why the hell did You marry Her?

-Because She has worms and You know I like f...

The Legend of the King and the Fisherman

After the palace meteorologist assured them there was no chance of rain, the King and the Queen went fishing.

On the way, they met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and they asked the man if the fish were biting. The fisherman said, "Your Majesties, you should return to the palace...

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The Fisherman

An esteemed researcher in the field of physiology of human sexuality is giving a lecture at the public library on a rainy Tuesday night.

He is explaining the density of nerve endings and his research on the female orgasm.

“While the majority of women experience clitoral orgasm due the...

A fisherman’s joke

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, an Irish man answered his door to find a grim-faced Constable & one waiting in the front yard. "We're sorry, Mr. O’ Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said one of the officers.

"Tell...

What do you call a Polish fisherman?

A fishing pole.

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two guys go fishing every weekend. one weekend one of them doesn't show up.

The next weekend when he shows up they load up the boat go out in the middle of lake and start fishing. One fisherman turns the other one and says "hey buddy what happened to you last week?"

The fisherman shrugs and says "I got married and went on my honeymoon"

The first fisherman look...

Why is fisherman bad at boxing?

Cause he only throws hooks

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A Priest takes a walk down to the docks one day

and runs into a fisherman that attends his church. Upon hearing that the priest has a few hours off the fisherman invites him out to sea to fish with him.

Out at sea it doesn't take long for the fisherman to realize that the priest has no idea how to fish, so he gives him some quick instructi...

A fisherman had been working tirelessly for a year.

One day he took a break as he desperately needed one to rest and relax, but his job still had to be done.

He hired an apprentice to do the fishing for him on that day. The fisherman said "Just be sure to not sell any of my fish. Leave that to me"

The apprentice said "Don't worry, I'm n...

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What instrument does a fisherman play?

A sea bass.

Why the fisherman gave up on the gorgeous girl

Two fishermen are fishing out at sea.

One day, a fisherman caught a mermaid.

Above her tail was the most gorgeous girl they had ever seen.

However, after throughly thinking things through, the fisherman decided to let her go.

His companion sent him a confused look and ask...

A fisherman is looking for an extra set of hands on his boat ...

He goes into town to try and hire some help. He meets a man and asks him if he'd be interested in a job on his boat. The man replies "I'd definitely be interested, what does it pay?" The fisherman replies "I don't have a lot of cash, but I can pay you one fish per day." The man immediately respo...

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What do a fisherman and a sperm donor have in common?

They’re both masterbaiters

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What do fisherman and prostitutes agree on?

Hookin’ ain’t easy

If you are a really excellent fisherman and you do it all the time they call you a master fisherman…

But, what if you are only really good at baiting the hook?

what is a fisherman's favorite musical instrument?

A bassinet

Fisherman wants new radio telephone call sign for his boat.

He calls the telephone company and asks for a new call sign.

The operator says sure you can have a new one, but can you tell me why you want a new one?

"How would you like it if every time someone asked for your call sign, you had to say '4Q'?"

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A fisherman catches a golden fish

A fisherman catches a golden fish, and when he was about to put the fish into the net, the fish speaks to him:
- I will fulfill a single wish of yours so please let me go.
- Interesting, let me think a bit.

After few minutes of silence the fisherman continues:
- My country is poor an...

What's the difference between a sniper and a fisherman?

One lies in wait, and the other waits and lies!

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.

"I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total" says the Genie.
The Irishman says "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I wish all the oceans to be full of fish for all eternity and a fleet of fishing boats to catch them."
So, wit...

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.

He is approached by the ranger who asks him for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the d...

My spouse wanted to try some kinky fish/fisherman role play last night.

I'm hooked

A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act.

Game warden: "You're going to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket"

"But, officer, I didn't catch these -- they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they're done they jump back into the bucket."

"Oh really? This I've got to see. If you can prove it, I'll...

Why did the fisherman commit suicide when the last dolphin died?

Because his life had no porpoise.

In New York City, a fisherman reeled in a 250 pound catfish 6 feet 6 inches long.

I don't get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.

Why don't you make a deal with a good fisherman?

They always have a catch

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Little Fisherman

Somewhere near a big lake lives Jon together with his cat.

Early in the morning Jon wakes up, washes his face and goes to the kitchen. He takes his bag of bread, takes out a few slices and butters them up. puts some cheese on it and stores them is his bread box. Picks up his fishing pole an...

Why did the fisherman always feel dizzy?

Because he had an eye-on the-fish-and-sea.

I met the world's riches fisherman today

"What's your net worth?" I asked.

"This one was about £10" he replied.

John the fisherman

A fisherman walks into a bank to apply for a loan.

The banker sits him down and goes: "So, what was your net gain for the previous year?"

The fisherman thinks for a bit and says: "An assortment of tuna fish"

A priest, a fisherman, and an engineer were sentenced to death by guillotine.

The executioner told the priest he could say/do one more thing before he was executed. So the priest prays to God to spare his life. So as the priest was being executed, the guillotine got stuck. Now according to the law, if the guillotine fails to kill the person, they are set free.So, the priest w...

The Fisherman and the Industrialist

One day, around noon, a fisherman is sitting on the docks, smoking his pipe, next to his haul for the day. A wealthy industrialist sees this and is positively confounded.



"Why aren't you out fishing?" demands the industrialist to the fisherman.



"I have caught all the fi...

A young man approaches a fisherman standing in the river...

He waves to the fisherman and says, "Wow, great pole you've got there!"

The fisherman smiles, gives a slight nod, and says, "thank you!"

\- "And man, that's some of the coolest tackle I've ever seen!"

Smile, nod, "thank you!"

"Some high-quality bait, too."

Big smi...

A fisherman’s wife gives birth to a healthy set of twins.

After some time, they notice that one boy always faces toward the ocean and the other always faces away. Even if the parents were to turn them, they would always reposition themselves. So the name the boys “Toward” and “Away” respectively. On the twins’ tenth birthday, the fisherman takes them on a ...

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The Tale of the Fisherman and the... Shark

A fisherman pulls up a shark. The shark start begging for his life:
"If you release me back to sea, I'll grant you a wish!".

The fisherman who has heard the "The Tale of the Fisherman and the Gold Fish" starts laughing: "You are not even a goldfish... why should I trust you?"

The s...

Dumb fisherman.

Two buddies are fishing,   but they haven't caught anything all day.   Then,   another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish.   They ask him   "excuse me,   but where did you get all those fish?"

The other fisherman replies,   "If you just go down the steam until the water isn't salty, ...

A scholar and a fisherman

A scholar is travelling in a small boat with a poor fisherman across a large lake.


The scholar asks the fisherman "did you learn how to read?“


The fisherman replies "no, I have not"


"What a pathetic waste of your life!“ sneered the scholar. "Half your life has been w...

Did you hear about the fisherman who uses sperm to catch fish?

He calls it his master bait!

How do you know if a fisherman is rich?

Check his net income.

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Father is a fisherman, Mother crochets. Son plays rugby and Daughter is a prostitute. What do they have in common?

All are hookers.

An old Russian joke. "A fisherman catches the Golden Fish..."

A fisherman catches the Golden Fish.

"What is your wish?" - the Fish asks the man.

"I wish I had everything!"

"Done, old man. You **had** everything".

What did the fish say to the fisherman?

"No one will ever believe you."

What's the name of the X-rated photography site for fisherman?

OnlyFins.

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So a fisherman and his wife...

...have lived together in a modest home for years now. Every morning the man wakes up before sunrise to go fishing without fail. One morning he sees a storm has rolled in and the sea is violent, he decides for the first time in in years not to fish.

He makes his way back to home through the ...

What did the fisherman do when he really liked a woman?

He invited her over to net fish and krill.

For Sale: Replica Fisherman's Knife

Not made to scale

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Fisherman's secret

A man is fishing at his favorite fishing spot very early in the morning. After several hours without catching anything he notices a small small Chinese man walking towards the waterfront.

"Don't bother" the fisherman says, They're not biting at all today." The Chinese man simply smiles and co...

What did the fisherman do at the doctor's office after accidentally swallowing a bucket full of worms?

He waited on his diagnosis with baited breath

In Siberia, at the edge of the sea, a fisherman is going about his business. Suddenly, an American submarine emerges from the water.

The lid on top opens and a sailor comes out. For a while he observes the surroundings with binoculars, then he shouts: "Set course to north-north-east!" He crawls back in, slams the lid closed and the boat disappears underwater.

The man stares in awe at the now still water and when he comes b...

One day, a farmer walks up to a fisherman...

... and said, "Oi, I found this 'ere red thing glimmerin' at the river over yonder. Issa worth much?"

The fisherman takes a look at what the farmer caught. After inspecting it for quite some time, he frowns and says, "I'm afraid it's worthless, sir."
The farmer frowns. "I'm not sure what...

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One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church...

He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before; the priest says no. He baits the hook for him and says, "Gi...

There was a deep sea fisherman

That accidentally caught an eagle porpoise - a rare species of porpoise (though not endangered) that inhabits the waters off Southern Mexico to Peru (ie, the Pacific coast). This species has a down-turned snout ideal for catching bottom-dwelling mollusks (octopi and squid) that inhabit the reefs and...

What's a fisherman's favorite video game?

COD

Why didn't the fisherman make it as a rapper?

His lines were okay, but his hooks were debaitable.

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Why did the fisherman never get any sex?

His wife always had a haddock.

What‘s the best way to describe a narcissistic fisherman?

Selfish.

She was only the fisherman's daughter

But when she saw my rod, she reeled.

The world’s first great fisherman possessed something that no man before him ever had.

Allure.

Fisherman and Game Warden

A fisherman was stopped by a game warden just north of Kentucky’s Lake Cumberland recently with two ice chests of fish.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"
...

A magician walks up to a fisherman's booth.

The magician pulls a quarter from the fisherman's ear. The fisherman looks at the magician annoyed. The magician says can you do any better? The fisherman says sure and then pauses. The magician says annoyed "How are you going to start the trick. The fisherman just says... Pick a cod, any cod!

Why did the fisherman go fishing on his day off

Just for the Halibut

An old fisherman and his wife ate fish every day...

An old fisherman and his wife lived in a remote outport and they ate fish every day. One day, the fisherman said, "Dear, I'm sick of fish. A big grocery store opened in the town that's 40 miles away, I'm going there to buy something different for dinner."

So the fisherman goes to the grocery ...

Why couldn't the fisherman play his guitar?

Because he lost his tuna

My new internet provider is owned by a fisherman

Terrible service, takes all day to get a byte

A fisherman and his fish

A fisherman caught a fish so big that he dislocated his shoulders describing it.

Trump and a Mexican Fisherman.

Trump and a Mexican man are out fishing when suddenly Trump reels in a golden fish.

The fish looks at the men and says "Congratulations! You have caught me and know I shall grant you both three wishes."

The fish turns to Trump and says "Since you are the one who reeled me in, you get ...

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An old Scottish fisherman is visiting Glasgow

An old Scottish fisherman is visiting Glasgow. Since his wife passed away years ago and he has not been active since then, he decides to take the opportunity and go the red-light district.

After a short negotiation on the street, he follows a tall, skinny lady into a darkened hotel room. Fuck...

Many years ago in an Indian city-state there lived a very poor fisherman

One day, he has an especially good haul and earned a glistening gold coin. Elated but afraid to lose it, he decided he'd hide his treasure in the kingdom's Northern wall between a crack in the bricks. He then returned home.

Months later, he find that his pockets have run dry and desperately n...

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The avid fisherman. NSFW

A man checks into the the office at a fishing lodge in the Scottish highlands. After being given the key to his cabin he asks that he be given a 6 am wakeup call because he wanted to get started as early as possible.

The next morning after a quick breakfast he strides out of his cabin and pas...

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The fisherman

A man and his wife are staying at a lake cottage when they notice a couple driving up one day with a "Just Married" sign on the back of their car. Every morning he sees the man who just got married head out to fish in a row boat all day long. After a week of seeing this, the man says to his wife, "I...

My parents made a decent living as fisherman even though they could only afford a boat made of balsa wood.

They didn't have real hardship.

A man walks up to a millionaire fisherman

Man: “Wow you must make a lot of money off fishing.”
Fisherman: “Aye I do, last season I raked in over $500,000.”
Man: “If you don’t mind me asking how much is your Networth?”
Fisher: “This old net is worth around $200.”

One fisherman said to the other: "Using bait during fishing isn't necessary".

The other fisherman said: "that's debaitable".

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A fisherman ask another man if he has a light...

The other man pulls out a very large Bic lighter. The first man ask " Hey that's a nice lighter, where'd you get it?" The man replies ," You see that there bridge on the other side of the lake? Well if you go stand on top and scream 'Genie genie come out' a genie will come out and grant you any wish...

What's the difference between a fisherman and a schoolboy?

One baits his hooks, the other hates his books.

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Fisherman's Joke

A man and a woman are on their honeymoon at a nice resort for a 3 day stay. The resort manager notices the man leave in the morning on the first day and spent the day fishing. He does this for 2 more days, so the manager decides to approach the man and ask "Why aren't you in there having sex with yo...

Why was the fisherman so quick in preparing for his trip?

He was worried about a-fish-in-sea.

A lonely fisherman decided to use his internet instead of a regular fishing net.

All he caught were catfish.

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A fisherman was kicked out of his band.

They didn’t like the way he was slappin the bass.

The sheepshank is clearly superior to the fisherman's eye

KNOT

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Creation of a Pussy

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
Created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher, smart with wit.
Using a knife, he gave it a slit.

Second was a carpenter, strong and bold.
With a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.

Third was a tailor, tall and thin
Usin...

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What’s a fisherman’s favorite type of music?

Hard bass.

What did the fisherman stream?

A rodcast.

The wise old fisherman.

An 80 year old bloke called Ross loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, fl...

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About a Russian fisherman

A Russian fisherman named Boris goes fishing one day.

He catches a goldfish, which says "Don't eat me! If you let me go, I'll grant you one wish."

Boris replies "Alright, I want to piss Vodka"

The goldfish grants his wish, and Boris lets it go.

When he comes home, his wif...

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An old fisherman suspected his wife of cheating, so he hired a private investigator...

This is a long one, so bear with me.

The fisherman and his wife lived in Saint John’s, Newfoundland and he made his living by going out into the ocean to net cod under the watchful eye of his captain.

In those days, the best fishing was to be found far out on the banks very far from...

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A fisherman catches a shark.

As soon as he pulls him up the shark starts yelling, “Wait wait wait… I’m a magic shark, I can grant you wishes if you let me go.”

“Alright,” says the man, “I want my penis to reach the floor”. So the shark ate his legs.

Only a fisherman will understand the struggle

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for the day.

Teach a man to fish and he’s going to spend a fortune on gear he’ll only be using twice a year.

Why does everyone like the fisherman?

He likes to keep it reel.

Why do movie companies hire fisherman?

Because they're great at casting

Where do fisherman keep their horses

In their BARNacles.

-Made it up today for my little cousin who rolled his eyes. Gf thought it was funny.

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A man gets a job as a fisherman on

a trawler. They stay out at sea for a few days and still 3 weeks until of voyage to go. The man then gets restless and ask one of his shipmate “I really need to release some built up tension, what do you guys do?.
His mate replied “No problem, you see that barrels with the hole in the middle? Jus...

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Fisherman caught the golden shark

*Please let me go and I`ll have you one wish come true*, said the shark.

*I want my dick to be so long that it reaches the ground*, answered the fisherman.

*Ok*, said the shark and bit his legs.

A fisherman decided to become a playwriter

His first play had strong lines and good casting. It was a reel hit

I got fired from my job as a fisherman...

I got too caught up in it.

What does the Newfoundland fisherman do on a day off?

Net fix and chill

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A logger and fisherman are sitting in a bar.

A logger and fisherman are sitting in a bar at the airport when the logger says, "I fall timber, the most dangerous job in the world. I'm a faller, I'm a bucker, I'm a mean motherfucker." Then the fisherman says, "I'm an Alaska king crabber which is the second most dangerous job in the world. We'r...

I saw this fisherman lose an absolutely epic fish and he started crying inconsolably.

I told him "Never mind, mate. Plenty more women on the land".

After retiring, Mr. Johnson moved into a condo near the ocean. Every morning, while he ate his breakfast, he would look out the window at the ocean.

Almost every morning, Mr. Johnson saw a young man sitting on the dock, fishing. It didn't matter if the weather was good, so-so, or downright terrible. The fisherman seemed to go to the dock every morning.

After he had lived in his condo for a few months, Mr. Johnson noticed something. Some m...

A fisherman and his wife...

A fisherman and his wife had twin sons named Towards and Away.

Once the boys were grown, the fisherman took them out to sea to learn the family fishing trade.

A week later, the mother saw her husband dock the boat all alone.

"Oh no! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cri...

A fisherman is selling fishing supplies at a market

An insecure rich man comes up to him and asks, “what’s your net worth?”

Why did the Australian fisherman get kicked out of the toy store.

Because he was throwing shrimp on the barbie.

What caused the fisherman to go crazy?

Pier pressure.

I went for a job interview and got offered the job as a fisherman

but turned it down as the net pay wasn't good

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