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What do you call an expert fisherman?

A master-baiter

My spouse wanted to try some kinky fish/fisherman role play last night.

I'm hooked

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What do fisherman and prostitutes agree on?

Hookin’ ain’t easy

What's the difference between a sniper and a fisherman?

One lies in wait, and the other waits and lies!

At the end of a long day, all the fisherman had caught was one small, red salmon.

He was about to kill it when the salmon shouted, "Wait, I'm much too small!"
"Wow!, a talking salmon", the fisherman exclaimed, "What's your name?
"Rusty," replied the salmon. "Please throw me back into the sea!" The fisherman did so.
About a year later, the man was fishing the same spot wh...

What did the fisherman do at the doctor's office after accidentally swallowing a bucket full of worms?

He waited on his diagnosis with baited breath

Why did the fisherman refuse to share his catch ?

He was shell fish.

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An elderly man was having a stroll on the boardwalk when he came by a fisherman yelling..

"Damn fish for sale, only $5. Damn fish for sale, only $5!"

The elderly man walked up to the fisherman and exclaimed "That fish is the source of your livelihood. You shouldn't disrespect it by calling it a damn fish." The fisherman was taken aback and told the elderly man that he meant no di...

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Two fisherman were talking: -I can't have sex with my wife

Why?

-Because She has gonorrhea.

So what, fuck Her in the ass.

-I can't because She has diarrhea.

Then ask Her to for a blowjob

-No, because She has phyrrea.

Goddamn dude, so why the hell did You marry Her?

-Because She has worms and You know I like f...

Why the fisherman gave up on the gorgeous girl

Two fishermen are fishing out at sea.

One day, a fisherman caught a mermaid.

Above her tail was the most gorgeous girl they had ever seen.

However, after throughly thinking things through, the fisherman decided to let her go.

His companion sent him a confused look and ask...

What’d the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod. Any cod.


(Ayyy, my 8yo loved it. )

Why don't you make a deal with a good fisherman?

They always have a catch

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A fisherman catches a golden fish

A fisherman catches a golden fish, and when he was about to put the fish into the net, the fish speaks to him:
- I will fulfill a single wish of yours so please let me go.
- Interesting, let me think a bit.

After few minutes of silence the fisherman continues:
- My country is poor an...

If you are a really excellent fisherman and you do it all the time they call you a master fisherman…

But, what if you are only really good at baiting the hook?

A young man approaches a fisherman standing in the river...

He waves to the fisherman and says, "Wow, great pole you've got there!"

The fisherman smiles, gives a slight nod, and says, "thank you!"

\- "And man, that's some of the coolest tackle I've ever seen!"

Smile, nod, "thank you!"

"Some high-quality bait, too."

Big smi...

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A priest is on his way to church

Walking along side a lake when he comes upon a fisherman,
He was reeling in a fish,
The priest says “nice fish”,
The fisherman says “thanks this is the biggest somabitch I caught all day”,
The priest says “hey you shouldn’t talk to me like that, I’m a man of the cloth,
The fisherman s...

An old Russian joke. "A fisherman catches the Golden Fish..."

A fisherman catches the Golden Fish.

"What is your wish?" - the Fish asks the man.

"I wish I had everything!"

"Done, old man. You **had** everything".

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What instrument does a fisherman play?

A sea bass.

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The Fisherman

An esteemed researcher in the field of physiology of human sexuality is giving a lecture at the public library on a rainy Tuesday night.

He is explaining the density of nerve endings and his research on the female orgasm.

“While the majority of women experience clitoral orgasm due the...

Many years ago in an Indian city-state there lived a very poor fisherman

One day, he has an especially good haul and earned a glistening gold coin. Elated but afraid to lose it, he decided he'd hide his treasure in the kingdom's Northern wall between a crack in the bricks. He then returned home.

Months later, he find that his pockets have run dry and desperately n...

My parents made a decent living as fisherman even though they could only afford a boat made of balsa wood.

They didn't have real hardship.

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.

He is approached by the ranger who asks him for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the d...

How do you know if a fisherman is rich?

Check his net income.

What do you call a fisherman fishing with a gun

A school shooting

What's the name of the X-rated photography site for fisherman?

OnlyFins.

Why did the fisherman always feel dizzy?

Because he had an eye-on the-fish-and-sea.

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The Fisherman and the Wheel Chair

Along the pier the fisherman dropped his line as he did every morning for the past 20 years. Today he saw a woman sitting in a wheelchair crying hysterically. He felt bad and went over and asked her, “Dear lady, what is the problem?” She replied, “Well, being in this wheelchair and all no man has ...

A fisherman’s wife gives birth to a healthy set of twins.

After some time, they notice that one boy always faces toward the ocean and the other always faces away. Even if the parents were to turn them, they would always reposition themselves. So the name the boys “Toward” and “Away” respectively. On the twins’ tenth birthday, the fisherman takes them on a ...

A fisherman’s joke

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, an Irish man answered his door to find a grim-faced Constable & one waiting in the front yard. "We're sorry, Mr. O’ Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said one of the officers.

"Tell...

A fisherman took his boat far out to sea. He hooked a huge fish, and fought it for hours.

Unfortunately, as he wasn’t strapped into his seat, he was yanked overboard, and began to drown. Suddenly, he was rescued and brought back to his boat by a pair of dolphins. Without thinking, the fisherman thanked them.
They replied, “You’re welcome!” Aghast, the fisherman said, “You can talk! Th...

A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act. "You're going to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket" But, officer, I didn't catch these -- they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they're done they jump back into the bucket.

"Oh really? This I've got to see. If you can prove it, I'll let you go."r>
The fisherman empties the bucket into the lake and waits patiently. A few minutes go by and nothing happens.

Game warden: So where are the fish?

Fisherman: What fish?

A lonely fisherman decided to use his internet instead of a regular fishing net.

All he caught were catfish.

What did the fish say to the fisherman?

"No one will ever believe you."

The world’s first great fisherman possessed something that no man before him ever had.

Allure.

One day, a farmer walks up to a fisherman...

... and said, "Oi, I found this 'ere red thing glimmerin' at the river over yonder. Issa worth much?"

The fisherman takes a look at what the farmer caught. After inspecting it for quite some time, he frowns and says, "I'm afraid it's worthless, sir."
The farmer frowns. "I'm not sure what...

I met the world's riches fisherman today

"What's your net worth?" I asked.

"This one was about £10" he replied.

What‘s the best way to describe a narcissistic fisherman?

Selfish.

Irish fisherman

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.

An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.

'Fishing,' replied the old man.

'Poor...

One fisherman said to the other: "Using bait during fishing isn't necessary".

The other fisherman said: "that's debaitable".

The Fisherman and the Industrialist

One day, around noon, a fisherman is sitting on the docks, smoking his pipe, next to his haul for the day. A wealthy industrialist sees this and is positively confounded.



"Why aren't you out fishing?" demands the industrialist to the fisherman.



"I have caught all the fi...

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An old Scottish fisherman is visiting Glasgow

An old Scottish fisherman is visiting Glasgow. Since his wife passed away years ago and he has not been active since then, he decides to take the opportunity and go the red-light district.

After a short negotiation on the street, he follows a tall, skinny lady into a darkened hotel room. Fuck...

A priest, a fisherman, and an engineer were sentenced to death by guillotine.

The executioner told the priest he could say/do one more thing before he was executed. So the priest prays to God to spare his life. So as the priest was being executed, the guillotine got stuck. Now according to the law, if the guillotine fails to kill the person, they are set free.So, the priest w...

Why did the fisherman go fishing on his day off

Just for the Halibut

An old fisherman and his wife ate fish every day...

An old fisherman and his wife lived in a remote outport and they ate fish every day. One day, the fisherman said, "Dear, I'm sick of fish. A big grocery store opened in the town that's 40 miles away, I'm going there to buy something different for dinner."

So the fisherman goes to the grocery ...

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Why did the fisherman never get any sex?

His wife always had a haddock.

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An old fisherman suspected his wife of cheating, so he hired a private investigator...

This is a long one, so bear with me.

The fisherman and his wife lived in Saint John’s, Newfoundland and he made his living by going out into the ocean to net cod under the watchful eye of his captain.

In those days, the best fishing was to be found far out on the banks very far from...

John the fisherman

A fisherman walks into a bank to apply for a loan.

The banker sits him down and goes: "So, what was your net gain for the previous year?"

The fisherman thinks for a bit and says: "An assortment of tuna fish"

What's a fisherman's favorite video game?

COD

A tourist drives along the shore of the Dead Sea and spots a fisherman casting his fishing rod into the water.

The tourist, surprised, stops and explains to the fisherman that no fish can live in the Dead Sea.

The fisherman said “Yes, some do.   For $10, you may sit next to me and I will show you.”

The curious tourist paid the $10 and waited patiently. After an hour, the tourist said: “hey, whe...

In a small fishing village, a fisherman was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three-pound live lobsters - one in each hand....

It was three weeks after the season closed! Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Federal Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says: "Well me Laddie I got you this time - with two live lobsters three weeks after the season closed!"

The fisherman s...

A scholar and a fisherman

A scholar is travelling in a small boat with a poor fisherman across a large lake.


The scholar asks the fisherman "did you learn how to read?“


The fisherman replies "no, I have not"


"What a pathetic waste of your life!“ sneered the scholar. "Half your life has been w...

Why was the fisherman so quick in preparing for his trip?

He was worried about a-fish-in-sea.

For Sale: Replica Fisherman's Knife

Not made to scale

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In a small town there's a priest who makes good friends with his congregation. One Sunday, a fisherman invites the priest to go fishing with him.

The next weekend, they get in a boat and spend the day fishing. Unfortunately, neither of them has much luck, until all of a sudden, the priest feels a huge tug in his line. With some help from the fisherman, he reels in what must be a thirty pound largemouth bass.

Forgetting himself, the fis...

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One day a priest leaves the church and decides to sit at a nearby pier and watch the fisherman...

While sitting, one of the fisherman invites the priest to join him. The priest agrees and they start fishing. After a few minutes the priest pulls up a huge fish. The priest, shocked, yells out, "Woah! Look at that son of a bitch!"

The priest looks at the fisherman and says, "Please mind your...

My new internet provider is owned by a fisherman

Terrible service, takes all day to get a byte

Why didn't the fisherman make it as a rapper?

His lines were okay, but his hooks were debaitable.

A magician walks up to a fisherman's booth.

The magician pulls a quarter from the fisherman's ear. The fisherman looks at the magician annoyed. The magician says can you do any better? The fisherman says sure and then pauses. The magician says annoyed "How are you going to start the trick. The fisherman just says... Pick a cod, any cod!

I saw this fisherman lose an absolutely epic fish and he started crying inconsolably.

I told him "Never mind, mate. Plenty more women on the land".

Two fisherman sit in a small boat close to the shore

Suddenly one of them pulls a mermaid out of the water, shakes his head, unhooks her and throws her back into the water.

The other one is dumbfounded and asks: "Why?"

To which he answers: "How?"

What's the difference between a fisherman and a schoolboy?

One baits his hooks, the other hates his books.

Why couldn't the fisherman play his guitar?

Because he lost his tuna

A fisherman and his wife had two children: a boy and a girl.

They were deciding what to name the children, when the fisherman noticed that every time they stood on the balcony, the boy looked towards the ocean and the girl looked away from the ocean. So the boy was named Towards and the girl was named Away.

Years later, the fisherman decided to take To...

Why did the fisherman commit suicide when the last dolphin died?

Because his life had no porpoise.

In New York City, a fisherman reeled in a 250 pound catfish 6 feet 6 inches long.

I don't get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.

I went for a job interview and got offered the job as a fisherman

but turned it down as the net pay wasn't good

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A man gets a job as a fisherman on

a trawler. They stay out at sea for a few days and still 3 weeks until of voyage to go. The man then gets restless and ask one of his shipmate “I really need to release some built up tension, what do you guys do?.
His mate replied “No problem, you see that barrels with the hole in the middle? Jus...

A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act (same but different)

Somewhere out deep on an Alabama lake there's a **R**edneck lighting sticks of dynamite and tossing them into the water. After each tremendous explosion, he grabs his net and pulls the dead fish into his boat. Before too long, the **G**ame **W**arden races out, lights and sirens blaring and screamin...

The sheepshank is clearly superior to the fisherman's eye

KNOT

What did the fisherman do when he really liked a woman?

He invited her over to net fish and krill.

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What’s a fisherman’s favorite type of music?

Hard bass.

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The Tale of the Fisherman and the... Shark

A fisherman pulls up a shark. The shark start begging for his life:
"If you release me back to sea, I'll grant you a wish!".

The fisherman who has heard the "The Tale of the Fisherman and the Gold Fish" starts laughing: "You are not even a goldfish... why should I trust you?"

The s...

Three Finns are out fishing on lake Päijänne

One of them catches a large sturgeon but as he pulls the sturgeon on board their little rowing boat it starts talking:
"Please my good men, set me free again and I will grant each of you a wish!".

The Finnish anglers agrees to release the fish and once gently back in the water, the fish as...

As a fisherman who has no idea what he's doing,I dont need to worry about the corona virus

I never catch anything.

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A fisherman was kicked out of his band.

They didn’t like the way he was slappin the bass.

You’ll NEVER believe THIS secret of how African fisherman are talking to worms to MAXIMISE their catch!

Sorry, but this is click bait.

A man walks up to a millionaire fisherman

Man: “Wow you must make a lot of money off fishing.”
Fisherman: “Aye I do, last season I raked in over $500,000.”
Man: “If you don’t mind me asking how much is your Networth?”
Fisher: “This old net is worth around $200.”

What happened when a fisherman saw that they spent more on missing fishing equipment than they made selling fish?

They realized a net loss.

Why did the Australian fisherman get kicked out of the toy store.

Because he was throwing shrimp on the barbie.

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What's the difference between an epileptic oyster fisherman and a prostitute with dysentery?

The fisherman shucks between fits.

What do you call it when a fisherman gives a cephalopod in exchange for information on his rival fishermen?

A Squid-Pro-Quo

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A fisherman ask another man if he has a light...

The other man pulls out a very large Bic lighter. The first man ask " Hey that's a nice lighter, where'd you get it?" The man replies ," You see that there bridge on the other side of the lake? Well if you go stand on top and scream 'Genie genie come out' a genie will come out and grant you any wish...

What does the Newfoundland fisherman do on a day off?

Net fix and chill

A fisherman is fishing by the river shore when a man rushes towards him, catches his breath and says:

Man: "Excuse me, have you seen a woman pass by this area?"

Fisherman: "One with a white dress with black stripes?"

Man: "Yes, exactly! She must not be very far away, right?"

Fisherman: "I don't think so, the current isn't very strong today."

Dumb fisherman.

Two buddies are fishing,   but they haven't caught anything all day.   Then,   another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish.   They ask him   "excuse me,   but where did you get all those fish?"

The other fisherman replies,   "If you just go down the steam until the water isn't salty, ...

So, an artist, a mathematician, and a fisherman commit a crime

And I was looking at the file and it looks kinda sketchy, it doesn’t add up. There’s definitely something fishy going on.

Why didn’t the fisherman care about his wireless internet connection?

Because either-net works when he’s catfishing.

A fisherman is selling fishing supplies at a market

An insecure rich man comes up to him and asks, “what’s your net worth?”

Fisherman and Game Warden

A fisherman was stopped by a game warden just north of Kentucky’s Lake Cumberland recently with two ice chests of fish.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"
...

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So a fisherman and his wife...

...have lived together in a modest home for years now. Every morning the man wakes up before sunrise to go fishing without fail. One morning he sees a storm has rolled in and the sea is violent, he decides for the first time in in years not to fish.

He makes his way back to home through the ...

A fisherman and his wife had twin sons named Towards and Away.

A fisherman and his wife had twin sons named Towards and Away.

Once the boys were grown, the fisherman took them out to sea to learn the family fishing trade.

A week later, the mother saw her husband dock the boat all alone.

"Oh no! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cri...

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"My last name is Smith, because my dad was a blacksmith." "My last name is Fisher, because my dad was a fisherman."

"My last name is Dickinson, and I dont like this game"

A fisherman and his fish

A fisherman caught a fish so big that he dislocated his shoulders describing it.

Did you hear about the supremely proper way the Englishman greeted the master fisherman from Jaws?

It was ‘ello, Quint!

A man walks up to a fisherman, asking for an eel

A man walked up to a fisherman, asking for an eel to purchase. The fisherman says that he needs not any payment, but will give him an eel for free if he listens to a joke of his. The man thinks this a good deal, so he accepts.

The fisherman then proceeds to tell the man one of the best jokes,...

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A logger and fisherman are sitting in a bar.

A logger and fisherman are sitting in a bar at the airport when the logger says, "I fall timber, the most dangerous job in the world. I'm a faller, I'm a bucker, I'm a mean motherfucker." Then the fisherman says, "I'm an Alaska king crabber which is the second most dangerous job in the world. We'r...

A crab fisherman walks into a bar with a crab.

He sets the crab on the bar and it proceeds to walk perfectly straight ahead, instead of scuttling side to side like crabs usually do. The bartender, impressed, offers the fisherman $50 for the amazing crab and takes it home. The next day he takes the crab out of the cage, and it begins scuttling si...

A fisherman decided to become a playwriter

His first play had strong lines and good casting. It was a reel hit

What do you call a heated conversation between two fisherman?

Debait.

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What’s the difference between a professional fisherman and a teenage boy?

One’s a master baiter, the other’s a masturbator!

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The avid fisherman. NSFW

A man checks into the the office at a fishing lodge in the Scottish highlands. After being given the key to his cabin he asks that he be given a 6 am wakeup call because he wanted to get started as early as possible.

The next morning after a quick breakfast he strides out of his cabin and pas...

Why does everyone like the fisherman?

He likes to keep it reel.

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Fisherman's secret

A man is fishing at his favorite fishing spot very early in the morning. After several hours without catching anything he notices a small small Chinese man walking towards the waterfront.

"Don't bother" the fisherman says, They're not biting at all today." The Chinese man simply smiles and co...

What did the fisherman stream?

A rodcast.

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I overlayed some dubstep to my favorite video of a clumsy fisherman

I synced them up to when they drop the bass.

Why did Markiplier slapped the fisherman?

Because he wanted his Fisch Bach

Only a fisherman will understand the struggle

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for the day.

Teach a man to fish and he’s going to spend a fortune on gear he’ll only be using twice a year.

What did the octopus say when the fisherman cut off its tenticles?

See ya later suckers!

Why was the fisherman upset with his new property?

After selling his sole for a small plaice perched by the sea (something to the tuna 500 square feet), he found something fishy within contract and realised he cod do better if he weren't such a cheap-skate.

What caused the fisherman to go crazy?

Pier pressure.

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