UPJOKE
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Why did egyptians never believe in science

Because they were in da Nile

Two Egyptians sailed far out, into the sea

"We've sailed too far from the port! I can't see anything familiar" Says one

"We can't have sailed too far" Says the other

They were in de-Nile

The Egyptians claim there are no crocodiles in their country

I think they are in de Nile

What do Egyptians and The Kardashians have in common?

The both had no clue that one day their daddy would become a mummy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching a show about Ancient Egypt, and they mentioned that there were Seven Sacred Oils that they used to anoint the dead with.

I thought that sounded interesting, so I decided to Google "Seven Sacred Oils of Egypt" and the entire front page of results is about where I can buy the essential oils the Egyptians used, you know mlm shit.

I cannot stress enough how this is not what I was looking for, but in hindsight I p...

What did the Ancient Egyptians call the pharaoh who farted oddly?

Toot Uncommon

Where were the Egyptians during the flood?

In de-nile

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the ancient Egyptians wipe their butts with?

Poopyrus.

How Egyptians solve problems.

In Cairo there is a large hole in the ground left over from a construction project that was never finished. Everyday several people unexpectedly walk right into the hole and are badly injured.

By the time the ambulance arrives and brings the victims to the hospital it is often too late to sa...

Why did the ancient egyptians all love Nissan?

Because Nissan Sentra.


My wife says I'm going to Duat for this one....

Did you know the ancient Egyptians watched monster movies?

Moth-Ra was their favorite. (Yes, I am a dad)

An explorer claimed the Ancient Egyptians had Bitcoin technology before anyone else!

He stumbled upon a tomb filled with ancient gold money, and shouted “Look at this crypt! Ohh currency!!”

Two Egyptians walk into a bar

"Where's your third friend?" Asks the bartender.

"He's gone to drink his sorrows down in the river." They replied.

"Oh no, is he depressed?"

"No, he's in De Nile."

Why are Egyptians so good at farting?

They have good Sphinxters

Egyptians always fart before entering a room

They Tutankhamun

Why did the Egyptians build the pyramids?

To get to the other side.

Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?

In a narcophagus

Sometimes I wonder how many Egyptians...

Sometimes I wonder how many Egyptians you could fit in a pyramid...

It's probably a pharaoh mount!

Did you hear about the flatulent Egyptians that met on Tinder?

They had TOOT in common.

What do you call it when a pair of Egyptians fart simultaneously?

A Tutankhamen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone is angry at the White House because they had time to prepare for Corona, but what about the Egyptians?

Egyptian mummies predicted Covid-19 in the prophecies by social distancing in big houses and hoarding toilet papers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are Egyptians, trains, and butts similar?

They've got toot in common.

Why did the Ancient Egyptians build Great Pyramids?

Because their Great Igloos melted.

I was excited to work for the ancient Egyptians

Until I realized it was a pyramid scheme

A friend of mine told me about his plan to sell burial plots to rich Egyptians.

Sounded like a pyramid scheme to me.

How do shady Egyptians make money?

Pyramid schemes.

How do Egyptians get to work?

They use a new bus!

Two Egyptians are having an argument

The first Egyptian farts and the second one laughs so hard he farts.

"Well, at least we have a Tutankhamun!"

What did the Ancient Egyptians call a good lookin mummy?

a MILF

The ancient Egyptians almost never passed gas

Until the king made tootin' common.

Two Egyptians farted at the same time

I guess they have a Tutankhamun

Why is it really hard to convince Egyptians?

Because they all live in de-nile...

Did you know back in the New Kingdom era, high ranking Egyptians were known for farting?

They all had a toot-in-common

Why do Egyptians shave their heads?

To make them more pharaoh-dynamic

What chocolate did the Egyptians eat?

Pharoh-rochere

Where do Egyptians go when they don't want to face reality

De-nile River

I didn't realize the ancient Egyptians were so concerned with information security.

Everybody who was important got encrypted.

2 Egyptians noticed their farts smelled the same.

They had a Tutankhamen.

About 3.000 years ago, lived the Egyptians. In their time, they build the pyramids.

As it should be...
I think, if you're going to build pyramids.
You should do it in your own time.





(Sorry if my English isn't that great, I translated it from my language.)

How many Ancient Egyptians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Oh! You're a conspiracy theorist too?

Mummy DNA shows that the ancients don’t have much in common with modern Egyptians

But at least they have Tutankhamun

Ancient Egyptians who worked to preserve the Pharaoh for the afterlife are known for having being very good businessmen. In fact, they even invented what we know today as the "return policy."

It was know back then as the "mummy back guarantee..."

Where did the Egyptians park when they visited King Arthur?

Camelot.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis

(If you don't get it, say it slower.)

How did the Egyptians trick their slaves into working so hard?

With a pyramid scheme.

Did you know that ancient Egyptians were related by their farts?

It's true. They had a toot in common.

What were the polite Egyptians running away from?

DaRUDE Sandstorm

How do Egyptians warn each other about a spreading fire?

Pyroglyphs.

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