UPJOKE
releaselet gorelinquishlet go oflet looselooseuncorkwreakigniteprovokeneutralizethwartfomentinflictthreaten

Unleashed Jokes

Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues, the disease wipes out 99% of humanity and desperate survivors are forced to live in...

...a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

After 50 years of failed embargoes and isolation the US has recently unleashed its most obnoxious weapon on Cuba to date…

The American tourist!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was time for the day of revelations. The Apocalypse.

The Lord said, "IS ALL IN PREPERATION?"

And his angels said, "Yes, oh, Alpha and Omega! Shall we break the seals?"

And the Lord said, "LET IT BE DONE."

Conquest, War, Famine and Death were then unleashed. As one, they asked in their terrible voices: "Shall we unleash the final ...

A lawyer's dog

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter.

The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

cold lips

There once was a young apprentice shepard learning the ropes of his job at an old remote farm in the mountains. The old shepard took the young apprentice under his wing. "Looky here rook, you're going to be staying alone for the night at the farm. We've had problems with the wolves before, but if th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with his pet gorilla.

The man walks in with his leashed pet gorilla and sits at the counter. The man asked the barkeeper whether it is okay to unleash the gorilla, in which the barkeeper agreed as the gorilla seemed to be very calm. The man then unleashed the gorilla and the gorilla walks off around the bar.

Firs...

Cemetery help.

My wife & I recently bought a house. To get pretty much anywhere, the main road from our neighborhood goes through a giant cemetery.

Now, a week before we bought the house, - on Thanksgiving morning - my wife gave birth to our first child - a boy (side note, I wouldn't recommend having a...

Why a man doesn't drink milk

A man was out in his garden one day, an activity he enjoys daily. He likes growing different plants like flowers and vegetables, and he's gotten very good at it. He recently learned that ants can aerate and help water travel through the soil, so he had recently placed a few colonies of ants througho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anything can happen at a ska show

A few weeks ago, my band was opening for a slightly more famous band at a moderately large local venue. This was one of the biggest gigs we'd had yet, and so I was seriously stressing about it beforehand, even though our sax player kept telling me not to. "Relax, you've been playing keyboards all yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The English gentleman..

..Mr. Harold James Blessing was a renowned person. He’d retired from service in the British Army, and was revered and liked by all in the town for his best qualities.

One day, while visiting the countryside where he was quite popular, he spotted an immensely pretty, dazzling, drop dead gorgeo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fellow is standing at a urinal, doing his business.

A second person enters the mens room and quickly approaches the urinal next to him, then proceeds to just stand there. The fellow casts a glance sideways to see what is going on.

He sees a young man with no arms standing and looking forlornly at the urinal. His little arm nubs stick out of hi...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.