The only person Trump ever hired who was actually qualified to do their job was Stormy Daniels

Now you know who the best people are

We are all like Stormy Daniels now.

Just waiting for him to finish.

The stormy seafarer

One stormy evening, a seafarer was thrown overboard whilst passing through the strait of Dover. As luck would have it, the ocean currents pulled him unconscious to the English coastline, where he was found and revived by a man adorned in a cape, deerstalker hat and smoking a pipe.

When coming...

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A young man went into confession crying, and told the priest:

“Forgive me father for I have sinned”.

“What have you done?” asked the priest.

“A few weeks ago I went to the library. I remained there until closing time and when I was about to go home, rain started pouring down. It was so intense I had to wait in the library. I had waited for a wh...

It was stormy weather outside, so I was really surprised to hear the doorbell ring.

The doorbell camera revealed it was my mother in law, completely soaked from the rain, and shivering in the icy wind. Concerned she might catch a cold, I hollered:

“Please, don’t just stand there!

Go home!”

————————————

Disclaimer:

I really appreciate my mot...

The President and his closest allies are involved in a terrible plane crash, and are left clinging to debris in the middle of the stormy sea.

As time passes, their arms grow weaker, and the squall grows stronger, until the waves threaten to swallow them up. Suddenly, an army helicopter appears overhead, and a Soldier on board lowers a rope to pull the President up.

As soon as the head of government is brought in, the Soldier turns ...

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Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”
...

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Old Man Overboard

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy.

They were standing on the back of the boat, watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard.

They searched for days and couldn't find him, so the captain sent the old woman back to shore with the pro...

A quarter dies and goes to heaven

At his arrival at the gates of heaven, the Lord himself welcomes him while angels play the trumpets. The quarter doesn't believe his eyes as he is being given the most beautiful cloud of all whith riches and food and honey for eternity.

The next day the one hundred dollar bill dies. He also ...

Just because you sleep with someone named Stormy doesn't make you an expert on the weather...

Mr. President.

It was a dark, stormy, night.

The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.

A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out “Sir, Good Evening, Sir!”

The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and...

It was a dark and stormy night

His horse was darker and stormier still.


(Sorry)

Apparently Stormy Daniels was misquoted, and what she actually said was that Trump's junk looked like A Little Potato. You know...

A little *dick-tater*

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Stormy Daniels: "So I felt this huge dick come inside me"...

but I never quite felt his penis.

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Stormy Daniels says Donald Trump paid $130,000 hush money to cover up an affair. Do you believe the bleached blond with big tits?

Or do you believe Stormy Daniels?

Michael Avenatti is no longer representing Stormy Daniels

In other words - he pulled out

A stormy night.

A loud knocking on the door wakes a man and his wife in the middle of a stormy night. The man opens the door to a stranger, who asks him for a push.

"No way!" says the husband, slamming the door shut in the stranger's face.

"Who was that?" calls his wife.
"Just some drunk asking for...

Back when Stormy Daniels was in high school, none of her fellow classmen realized she would go down in history.

Guys were usually getting it in the gym locker room or behind the teacher's parking lot.

A knight is on a quest. It will be a dark and stormy night...

He sees a monastery and asks for shelter for the night. The monks invite him in. One of them tells him "You are in luck. This is Friday, our fish and chips day. We have the best fish and chips in the realm."

The knight finds that they were right. This was the best fish and chips he has...

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Stormy Daniels should run for president

If we're going to have an inept asshole in office I'd rather have a bleached inept asshole

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If CNN released photos of Stormy Daniels & Trump

Do you know what he'd call them?



Fake Nudes.

What does Stormy Daniels have in common with American farmers?

They both got screwed and paid off by Trump.

Stormy Daniels and queen Elizabeth died on the same day and both went to heaven

When they reached the gates of heaven, god greeted them and said “sorry ladies we only have room for one of you right now, please make your best case on why I should let you in.” Stormy Daniels thinks for a minute and lifts up her shirt and jumps around. Queen Elizabeth sees this, thinks about it an...

Did Stormy say it looked like a toadstool or

a toad’s tool ?

Trump is incapable of maintaining an insurrection

that's what Stormy said.

Stormy Daniels said that Trump was always on bottom.

Because he always F*cks up.

A Dark And Stormy Night In Transylvania

Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Europe, near Transylvania. They re driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It is late, raining very hard and Bob can barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control. Bob attempts to control it, ...

It was a dark and stormy night...

It was a dark and stormy night on buffalo hill... a group of bandits sat around a campfire... one of the bandits said to the captain, "tell us a story captain"... the captain said...
It was a dark and stormy night on buffalo hill... a group of bandits sat around a campfire... one of the bandits s...

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Cruise ship magician

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shout...

In a torrential stormy and a foggy day a very drunk man was trying to hitch hike a lift home...

In a torrential stormy and a foggy day a very drunk man was trying to hitch hike a lift home and no cars would stop. When out of the blue a car pulled up moving very slowly and stopped right in front of him. Asking no questions he jumps into the back seat - relived that finally he had a lift. As the...

Secretary walks into the President's room

Secretary: Mr.President, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble.
Trump: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels.

On a dark and stormy night...

...a comet flies past Earth. This comet was enchanted, and after it flew past the world, it caused all statues to come to life, solely focused on destroying every country in the world.

No nation was left safe from this attack. The gargoyles attacked France. The Statue of Liberty led a revolt ...

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A man walks into a bar...

He sits down next to a guy with a peg leg, a metal hook for a hand, and an eyepatch.

He orders a beer, looks at the guy next to him, and asks "What are you supposed to be, a pirate?"

"Yarr, I am" replies the pirate.

"You must have some crazy stories about your leg, your hand, an...

A mysterious force drug a pirate ship closer to the Bermuda Triangle, alarming the captain.

The captain asked the lookout in the the crow's nest what he saw.

The lookout replied, "Captain, we be sailing tangent to stormy seas. It be a sine the secant be good."

The captain responded, "Aye, the sea put this here crew in a triggy situation."

One day in a small town, a man buys land right infront of a church

He decides to build a brothel there and when the priest and the other religious folk heard that, they strongly stood against the construction of the house of many sins. However, nobody could do anything because the land was not theirs and the man could legally build anything he wanted there.

...

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A pilot, a captain, and a driver were all stuck in a blimp headed straight towards a city.

The pilot, wanting to save himself from crashing, says “let me steer this blimp off course and land us safely. As a pilot, I have years of experience controlling flying vehicles. A blimp surely can’t be much different from a plane.”

The captain then butted in and said “No, let me take the whe...

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There was a king ready to abdicate.

So he brought in his 3 sons. He tells them, "Each of you will receive a trial, the first to complete their trial will become king."

Beginning with his eldest son, a brave and foolhardy man of great stature he says, "You are to bring me your grandmother's emerald ring, lost decades ago in the ...

The Perfect Man, the Perfect Woman, and Santa Claus

There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. ...

Wow, I'm getting a $1200 check from the President

I feel kind-of like Stormy Daniels.

...well actually this check is for a future stimulus, Stormy's was a check for a past stimulus.

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So I met a Pirate...

- Mobile user, please excuse phrasing.

So the other day I met a pirate. I mean this guy was the real deal, peg leg, hook for a hand, eye patch, the works. I just had to ask him about it.

"Can I ask how you got the peg leg?".
"Aye, twas a dark, stormy night. I was at sea, surveying ...

Donald Trump's marriage will be fine.

He only went through a Stormy patch.

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Another married couple was on vacation in Jamaica

Richard and Wendy were newlyweds, on their honeymoon in Jamaica. They were sitting on the beach in front of their small bungalow near Kingston.

"I barely remember last night, Wendy," said Richard, sipping his dark and stormy, "It was all a blur. What did I... and why does my..."

"Well,...

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Trmp, Putin and Duterte all died on the same day

After they die, the wake up in a building. The three of them not knowing what was going on.

After some small talk, they hear a deep and loud voice saying.

- " Rodrigo Duterte, room 623"

Duterte, followed by Trump and Putin starts looking for this room, and after a long search ...

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AN IRISH GHOST STORY

This story happened a while ago near Kells, County Meath, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale... it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Reilly, a Cavan man studying in UCD, was on the side of the road hitchhiking back to Dublin on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. ...

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Donald Trump has had a rough week, getting caught sleeping with a porn star and whatnot. I guess you can say it has been quite...

Stormy.

I invented a new drink. Ginger beer and Jack Daniel's.

I call it the Stormy Daniel's.

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Sea captain joke

A young sailor is walking the
docks and spots a sea captain, examining his deck. The sea captain has a peg leg, a hook and an eyepatch. The young sailor, curious, asks the captain "How did you get your peg leg?" The captain replies "Arrr it was a stormy night, and a gust of wind blew me of me bo...

Carmen and Kate wanted to get money

Carmen asked Kate, "What should we do to make money?"

"Sell cookies!"

So Carmen and Kate went house to house in their town and made $75, but they wanted more

They decided to drive around the country in their cars, going house to house in every town

They came to a barn ...

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Donald Trump visited the White House doctor...

**Trump:** I got a problem doc, my penis has turned orange!!

**Dr Jackson:** Sounds bad. I better take a look.

**Trump:** (drops his shorts) Bad enough my face is orange but if this gets out I'm sunk with the ladies....whaddaya think, doc?.

**Dr Jackson:** (takes a look) Yep,...

Trump launch a military campaign against Syria

Operation Desert Stormy

The camping story

A couple of years ago I went out camping in the woods with a few of my friends. It was a dark and stormy night, and we felt very alone in our little tent, so we started telling scary stories.

I described how the hills we were in used to be coal mining country, and the coal mines were dark and...

Worst foursome in golf history

1. Stormy Daniels
2. O. J. Simpson
3. Ted Kennedy
4. Bill Clinton

Why? You ask

1. Stormy is a hooker.
2. O. J. is a slicer.
3. Ted can't drive over water, and
4. Bill can't remember which hole he played last..

Timbuktu

The chief poet of the town dies, so they have to elect a new one. The voting whittles the candidates down to two. The town holds a feast to choose the winner. The mayor stands up and declares that the winner shall be decided by voting on the poem the candidates can come up with on the spot based on ...

What do women and tornadoes have in common?

First they are wet, then stormy and afterwards the house is gone.

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A couple Limericks...

There once was a man from Ireland
With balls made of fine brass
In stormy weather
They clanked together
And sparks shot out of his ass

There once was a man from Calcutta
Who was jerking off in a gutter
The tropical heat
Affected his meat
S...

2 Brunettes and a Blonde

One dark and stormy night, 2 burnettes and a blonde escape from prison. To get out of the rain and hide from the cops they go into a barn where they find 3 sacks to hide in. One cop goes into the born and yells to other
"There's nothing in here, just 3 sacks" to which the other cop replies
"K...

An Englishman, An American and A Korean are on a ship...

The ship is in stormy waters, when suddenly a genie appears from the waves and tells them "I'm sorry, but you men will die in this storm. I have no power to prevent your death, but as some recompense I can grant you all one wish before you perish"

The three great friends begin to think before...

They Were Alone!

They were alone in the house. It was a cold, dark, stormy night.
The storm had come up quickly and each time the thunder boomed.
He watched her jump.
She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance.
She wished he would take her in his arms, comfort her, protect
her from t...

Crisis

Once upon a time, JFK had this Rubik's cube that he was extremely fond of. He was also rumored to be having a rather stormy relationship with a woman named Laura (I'll call her Ms. L). JFK went for a walk with his dog ever day between 10 and 11. One day, when he wasn't home, Khrushchev came in, nail...

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Captain's log

31.08.1883
We sailed to the West,we hope to find a new continent.Crew is in good mood, food is excellent, 5 girls from the harbor are with us and they are very happy.

31.10.1883
Compass died, we are navigating using the stars and the suns (when it's not cloudy,fu*king clouds)
Crew is...

A while ago there was a rebellion in Lapland

A group of three elves were very unhappy with Santa’s treatment of them, and organised an uprising.

Having dealt with the uprising, Santa expelled the three elves from Lapland. He gave each of them a colour to make sure he knew where they were.

The first elf was given the colour yell...

Pickled Onion

*My friend told me this today, so I rewrote it the way I remember. Trust me, it's worth the read!*

This story takes place in the middle ages, with kings, knights, castles, etc.

There was an adventurer wandering through the night during a storm. The wind was gusting, and he was being pe...

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Little Johnny goes camping

Little Johnny's Second Grade class is going camping for a class field trip. As nighttime comes, all the children get set up in their tents and get ready to fall asleep. A few hours go by, a storm approaches and thunder begins clapping, and little Johnny can't seem to sleep. Little Johnny gets out of...

There was a support group for ugly people.

and each month when they would meet, there would be a small bus to pick them all up and take them to the meeting. Well one stormy night after picking everyone up the bus driver lost control of the bus on a bridge and it plummeted into the water and all of those hideous ugly people drowned.

So...

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